Andy Churnwell
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churnwell.bsky.social
Andy Churnwell
@churnwell.bsky.social
1.8K followers 280 following 2.7K posts
Princess Diana Legacy award-winning broadcaster on Emblem Digital and Superdrug FM. Centrist. Landlord ally. Ruddles. Bazake Media. [email protected]
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churnwell.bsky.social
"Bradley, are you even fucking listening? I'm trying to read a story here. Bradley?"
Sir Keir reading to children, looking angry.
November 24, 2025 at 9:37 PM
churnwell.bsky.social
Earlier today Sir Keir stormed out of a school in Peterborough after being mugged off by disrespectful pupils, one of which performed the universal gesture for "you're a loser".
Sir Keir getting mugged off by some kids, one of which is performing the "L" taunt.
November 24, 2025 at 9:37 PM
churnwell.bsky.social
So it's okay for Reform to change the flag for a novelty football kit, but when Nike did this it was woke. I really hope whoever is responsible for this is convicted for treason and deported.
Reform football kit with black union flag; England kid with vaguely bisexual-looking England flag.
November 24, 2025 at 9:05 AM
churnwell.bsky.social
Got some of this for my Yaris because I wanted it to have that classic English smell. But I'll tell you what, it's gone straight to my bum!
English room odoriser - poppers
November 23, 2025 at 7:13 PM
churnwell.bsky.social
"We tried peace and love. It didn't work! Now we've got to get behind Troomp and Farage. That's all I'm saying: give Reform a chance. Just give them a chance. Paul's a snowflake. He rang me the other day telling me off for sharing memes on Facebook. He's gone woke."
John Lennon as an old man.
November 23, 2025 at 9:31 AM
churnwell.bsky.social
Left panel: A man with medium-length dark hair and a beard is looking intently. Text over the image reads: “What is your favourite film?” Right panel: Sir Keir. Text over this panel reads: “The Boss Baby: Family Business.”
November 22, 2025 at 11:02 PM
churnwell.bsky.social
Meet the Swindon man who's suing Tesco after scalding his bellend on a rotisserie chicken.
Nick Tenconi with his fart face Nick Tenconi, full of farts, flexing.
November 22, 2025 at 9:53 PM
churnwell.bsky.social
What on earth is this dilbert doing now!?
Nicki Marcel Tenconi: Here’s what’s visible: A man is in the foreground, looking into the camera. His real hairline and beard are visible, but the top of his head has been edited to appear bald with a stretched, transparent material wrapped around it — likely meant as a visual gag. He is holding up one finger, and the fingertip has been edited to show a white, blob-like shape on it, which looks intentionally humorous or mocking. In the background, there are police officers in high-visibility jackets and a group of people holding signs. One sign reads “WELCOME FAR RIGHT” in yellow and red. The setting appears to be an outdoor protest or political demonstration.
November 22, 2025 at 9:19 PM
churnwell.bsky.social
TFW you get your foreskin stuck in your fly.
Julia Fartley-Pooer fartly pooing.
November 21, 2025 at 11:09 PM
churnwell.bsky.social
Seb Payne: I suffer from jumbo nuts, a rare medical condition by which my penis sits atop my freakishly large testicles like a man lounging on a beanbag.
November 21, 2025 at 11:48 AM
churnwell.bsky.social
You: Rachel, I don't think this budget's very good. In fact, it's going to result is the deaths of many poor, elderly, and vulnerable people.

Rachel: STOP MANSPLAINING!
Rachel Reeves Times piece: "I'm sick of the mansplaining."
November 21, 2025 at 8:15 AM
churnwell.bsky.social
Big head, la-da-da-da-da
Big head la-da-da-da
Big head strikes again
And I've got no right to take my place
With the human race, oh, oh, oh-oh
November 20, 2025 at 5:18 PM
churnwell.bsky.social
Jonathan Ashworth's ascent to national superstardom has been swifter than The Beatles in 1963. 2026 will be the year he cracks America.
Fans await their hero, Jonny Ashworth.
November 20, 2025 at 11:30 AM
churnwell.bsky.social
Famously rich *checks notes* South Wales.
North/south divide map indicating that the north is Greggs, the south Pret. Text suggests the North is poor, the south rich.
November 20, 2025 at 9:25 AM
churnwell.bsky.social
The saga of this rabid transphobe discovering her (probably fictional) boyfriend's massive rucksack of pants was one of the greatest things to happen on this awful website.
A display name with heart emojis and the name “France.” A handle shown as @FrancesW05. The tweet text reads: “Omfg as if i wasn't really upset and pissed off before. Just found another pair of knickers in his rucksack. I'm crying” The image shows a red rucksack hanging against a light-colored wall. Draped over the top of the bag is a pair of black lace underwear with white and beige detailing. There are no people visible in the photo — just the backpack and the underwear placed over it.
November 19, 2025 at 10:21 AM
churnwell.bsky.social
My message for International Men's Day:
an old-fashioned beer advertisement featuring me. Here’s what’s visible: A smiling man in a suit sits in what looks like a pub or bar setting. He’s holding up a pint of beer with a visible label on the glass. The label includes text, though it’s somewhat stylized and not perfectly crisp. The man has neatly styled hair and glasses, and he’s posing confidently, as if part of a promotional campaign. The background shows a softly blurred pub interior with warm lighting and other patrons. At the bottom of the image, bold text reads: “Sort Your Men’s Mental Health Out.”
November 19, 2025 at 10:00 AM
churnwell.bsky.social
Shout out to my boys on #InternationalMensDay.
collage-style image featuring a group of adult men edited together in front of a retro-futuristic neon background. At the top, stylized 80s-inspired text reads “Boys WILL BE Boys.” Here are the key visual elements: Several men of varying ages are cut out and arranged across the image, many with exaggerated or humorous facial expressions. One man has sunglasses; another looks contemplative with his hand on his chin. A man in the middle wears glasses and a red plaid shirt, looking unimpressed or annoyed. Another man has tape over his mouth, with a word written across his forehead. In the lower right, a man is laughing dramatically, leaning back with his legs raised.
November 19, 2025 at 9:59 AM
churnwell.bsky.social
Old men are so cool. 😲
Gervais tube ad with him being a smug cunt.
November 18, 2025 at 11:34 PM
churnwell.bsky.social
The gen z barista's face when I start smashing my head against the pastry display case in protest of his inadequate coffee making abilities.
James Taylor in massive suit looking annoyed
November 18, 2025 at 11:12 AM
churnwell.bsky.social
"Stop laughing at me."
Sir Keir confronting teenagers.
November 18, 2025 at 9:31 AM
churnwell.bsky.social
Sir Keir "absolutely livid" after youths show him "Skibidi Starmer" video.
Teenager showing Sir Keir her phone Sir Keir's 3d computer generated head in a toilet
November 18, 2025 at 9:29 AM
churnwell.bsky.social
BREAKING A child has booted a football really hard into the groin of Sir Keir Starmer.
Sir Keir and Tyrone Mings standing about while a child prepares to kick a ball into Sir Keir's nuts. Sir Keir in pain.
November 17, 2025 at 3:19 PM
churnwell.bsky.social
BREAKING Ty, a Blackpool resident, says he would still never vote Labour, despite Sir Keir's assiduous attempts to woo him. "Bloke's a cunt."
Gammon faced man Ty with his smug outraged face.
November 17, 2025 at 2:42 PM
churnwell.bsky.social
Drunk at 4pm on a weekday, scrolling through an endless stream of AI boomercore slop on my iPad, my mouth agape.
November 16, 2025 at 9:34 AM
churnwell.bsky.social
Just remembered when loads of former NME writers assembled to try to bully me for this tweet.
Andy Churnwell @churnwell Sort of normal bloke who likes to listen to The Fratellis on 6 Music while cooking an M&S dine in for £10 tea and drinking a cheeky bottle of Becks.
November 16, 2025 at 9:17 AM