🎄Mr. Santa Clause🎄
@cranberrysmith.bsky.social
Hoe Hoe Hoe
& a cup of my Joe🥃
& a cup of my Joe🥃
Pinned
This account has been hijacked by Santa until Cranberry Smith earns his way back on the nice list.
I dont even wanna do this Christmas shit anymore. You guys are asking me for too much bullshit.
A century ago I delivered wooden toys and dolls. Now I gotta fight some bitch outside of a Walmart to pick up a PS5.
A century ago I delivered wooden toys and dolls. Now I gotta fight some bitch outside of a Walmart to pick up a PS5.
December 21, 2025 at 8:59 PM
I dont even wanna do this Christmas shit anymore. You guys are asking me for too much bullshit.
A century ago I delivered wooden toys and dolls. Now I gotta fight some bitch outside of a Walmart to pick up a PS5.
A century ago I delivered wooden toys and dolls. Now I gotta fight some bitch outside of a Walmart to pick up a PS5.
Ive been noticing a lot of cyclist/driver/pedestrian discourse recently, but all these people are inferior to wheelchair users.
If you're not building muscle from pushing your own wheels, then you're a pussy.
If you're not building muscle from pushing your own wheels, then you're a pussy.
December 13, 2025 at 8:20 AM
Ive been noticing a lot of cyclist/driver/pedestrian discourse recently, but all these people are inferior to wheelchair users.
If you're not building muscle from pushing your own wheels, then you're a pussy.
If you're not building muscle from pushing your own wheels, then you're a pussy.
I know Mr. Clean keeps his dih clean as fuck. Even if he had a pussy that shit would be cleaner than the lyrics to a Christian rock song.
December 4, 2025 at 8:45 AM
I know Mr. Clean keeps his dih clean as fuck. Even if he had a pussy that shit would be cleaner than the lyrics to a Christian rock song.
I've been hitting the nog hard tonight.
December 2, 2025 at 10:12 AM
I've been hitting the nog hard tonight.
This account has been hijacked by Santa until Cranberry Smith earns his way back on the nice list.
December 2, 2025 at 9:31 AM
This account has been hijacked by Santa until Cranberry Smith earns his way back on the nice list.
Upgraded my foreskin to a fiveskin.
December 2, 2025 at 12:16 AM
Upgraded my foreskin to a fiveskin.
Goddamnit Bobby, stop fucking up Christmas. Do you know how fucking long that probably took Hank to make that? Stop eating it you little fucking dumbass.
November 30, 2025 at 10:44 AM
Goddamnit Bobby, stop fucking up Christmas. Do you know how fucking long that probably took Hank to make that? Stop eating it you little fucking dumbass.
I walked away from Thanksgiving dinner and went to Sizzler.
November 28, 2025 at 2:33 AM
I walked away from Thanksgiving dinner and went to Sizzler.
Every year on Thanksgiving, I have to legally change my name to "Cranberry Turkey". The court ordered it.
November 26, 2025 at 7:04 PM
Every year on Thanksgiving, I have to legally change my name to "Cranberry Turkey". The court ordered it.
Im hosting Thanksgiving, but I'm not making any of the food and I expect my guests to contribute with their own dishes.
They already get the free location. Im not making the free food.
The lesson this year is you get what you give.
They already get the free location. Im not making the free food.
The lesson this year is you get what you give.
November 26, 2025 at 6:59 PM
Im hosting Thanksgiving, but I'm not making any of the food and I expect my guests to contribute with their own dishes.
They already get the free location. Im not making the free food.
The lesson this year is you get what you give.
They already get the free location. Im not making the free food.
The lesson this year is you get what you give.
@badposter.lol they got you on a shirt at Walmart.
November 26, 2025 at 2:22 AM
@badposter.lol they got you on a shirt at Walmart.
Cranberry Smith's top 10 Christmas gift ideas:
Number 10: The Office themed Matryoshka dolls
www.etsy.com/listing/6494...
Number 10: The Office themed Matryoshka dolls
www.etsy.com/listing/6494...
November 7, 2025 at 6:10 AM
Cranberry Smith's top 10 Christmas gift ideas:
Number 10: The Office themed Matryoshka dolls
www.etsy.com/listing/6494...
Number 10: The Office themed Matryoshka dolls
www.etsy.com/listing/6494...
Happy Halloween from your favorite guy with the hollow ween.
October 31, 2025 at 6:09 PM
Happy Halloween from your favorite guy with the hollow ween.
Is it normal to feel anguish and agony from an unsatisfying baseball game that never ends? I feel like I'm being edged to death.
October 28, 2025 at 6:42 AM
Is it normal to feel anguish and agony from an unsatisfying baseball game that never ends? I feel like I'm being edged to death.
I gotta new phone. My old one fell into the toilet over at Best Buy and now it lives there.
October 24, 2025 at 3:03 AM
I gotta new phone. My old one fell into the toilet over at Best Buy and now it lives there.
My milkshake business (The Yard) got shut down after multiple DUIs were traced back to the shop.
No one warned me about how much vanilla extract was too much.
No one warned me about how much vanilla extract was too much.
October 16, 2025 at 9:41 PM
My milkshake business (The Yard) got shut down after multiple DUIs were traced back to the shop.
No one warned me about how much vanilla extract was too much.
No one warned me about how much vanilla extract was too much.
She's got it. Yeah baby, you got it.
I'm your penis
I'm on fire!
STDs are dire.
I'm your penis
I'm on fire!
STDs are dire.
October 11, 2025 at 8:28 AM
She's got it. Yeah baby, you got it.
I'm your penis
I'm on fire!
STDs are dire.
I'm your penis
I'm on fire!
STDs are dire.
What the fuck is a mastodon? Is that something I can put on my penis?
October 11, 2025 at 8:15 AM
What the fuck is a mastodon? Is that something I can put on my penis?
Bitches back in the old days: "Dude, where's my car?"
Bitches nowadays:
"Companion of unspecified gender, where's my lyft driver?"
Bitches nowadays:
"Companion of unspecified gender, where's my lyft driver?"
October 5, 2025 at 5:26 AM
Bitches back in the old days: "Dude, where's my car?"
Bitches nowadays:
"Companion of unspecified gender, where's my lyft driver?"
Bitches nowadays:
"Companion of unspecified gender, where's my lyft driver?"
Me after spraying liquid ass at those bitches' cubicles.
September 26, 2025 at 9:00 AM
Me after spraying liquid ass at those bitches' cubicles.
Starting my own Dick and Ball Charity Ball where you can donate your dick and balls to a fella in need.
September 22, 2025 at 7:56 AM
Starting my own Dick and Ball Charity Ball where you can donate your dick and balls to a fella in need.
I really hope there is a rapture because I'm looking to get a bunch of free shit from all the Christian-owned businesses.
What are they gonna do? Call the police from Heaven?
What are they gonna do? Call the police from Heaven?
September 22, 2025 at 7:39 AM
I really hope there is a rapture because I'm looking to get a bunch of free shit from all the Christian-owned businesses.
What are they gonna do? Call the police from Heaven?
What are they gonna do? Call the police from Heaven?
Laying in bed awake thinking about how I accidentally pronounced 'extravaganza' as 'extra-vag(ina)-anza' at today's meeting.
September 20, 2025 at 8:55 AM
Laying in bed awake thinking about how I accidentally pronounced 'extravaganza' as 'extra-vag(ina)-anza' at today's meeting.
Just let a man eat his sammy on da floor...
September 20, 2025 at 8:07 AM
Just let a man eat his sammy on da floor...
I'm kind of a lawyer. Like a legal expert. I've never been in an actual courtroom, but I do represent a vast number of clients through r/legaladvice.
September 18, 2025 at 6:24 AM
I'm kind of a lawyer. Like a legal expert. I've never been in an actual courtroom, but I do represent a vast number of clients through r/legaladvice.