Pinned
Crotch Fat
@crotchfat.bsky.social
· Oct 29
Just overheard my dog referring to showering as "doing the wet thing"
Reposted by Crotch Fat
(failure goes unanswered)
This isn’t complicated. The Epstein Transparency Act is the law.
You can’t have selective transparency. The DOJ is openly breaking the law, and they will be held accountable. No agency is above the law, and this failure will not go unanswered.
You can’t have selective transparency. The DOJ is openly breaking the law, and they will be held accountable. No agency is above the law, and this failure will not go unanswered.
December 28, 2025 at 12:05 AM
(failure goes unanswered)
A lot of people don't know this but "naked" is the past tense of the verb "to nake," and while I am technically naked, it was not by my choice, so the more technically accurate term is to say I've been "nakened" as the result of a "nakening."
(me to the cops)
(me to the cops)
January 3, 2026 at 2:18 PM
A lot of people don't know this but "naked" is the past tense of the verb "to nake," and while I am technically naked, it was not by my choice, so the more technically accurate term is to say I've been "nakened" as the result of a "nakening."
(me to the cops)
(me to the cops)
one of the things you can do as a married middle aged hetero man is say "hotchie motchie" to your wife so often that neither of you knows how serious you're being. it takes at least a decade of commitment, but it's... worth... it?
December 29, 2025 at 1:15 AM
one of the things you can do as a married middle aged hetero man is say "hotchie motchie" to your wife so often that neither of you knows how serious you're being. it takes at least a decade of commitment, but it's... worth... it?
(failure goes unanswered)
This isn’t complicated. The Epstein Transparency Act is the law.
You can’t have selective transparency. The DOJ is openly breaking the law, and they will be held accountable. No agency is above the law, and this failure will not go unanswered.
You can’t have selective transparency. The DOJ is openly breaking the law, and they will be held accountable. No agency is above the law, and this failure will not go unanswered.
December 28, 2025 at 12:05 AM
(failure goes unanswered)
Rasta Scrooge: Jah Humbug
December 23, 2025 at 2:49 PM
Rasta Scrooge: Jah Humbug
Love to be suddenly followed by several very plausible young women that seem not at all law enforcementy or botlike.
Welcome to the Crotchfat experience!
Welcome to the Crotchfat experience!
December 22, 2025 at 11:26 PM
Love to be suddenly followed by several very plausible young women that seem not at all law enforcementy or botlike.
Welcome to the Crotchfat experience!
Welcome to the Crotchfat experience!
could the Ravens just hit the snooze button on having a rest of the football season now please?
December 22, 2025 at 2:45 AM
could the Ravens just hit the snooze button on having a rest of the football season now please?
Absolutely delicious in a "stars they're just like us" way when big accounts publicly glitch out on cortisol with a flurry of terrible posts
December 21, 2025 at 11:21 PM
Absolutely delicious in a "stars they're just like us" way when big accounts publicly glitch out on cortisol with a flurry of terrible posts
Thinking about doing a post on Bluesky.
December 21, 2025 at 1:40 PM
Thinking about doing a post on Bluesky.
My birthday has earned me full THuFRO in bed (with wife!) privileges.
December 11, 2025 at 2:52 AM
My birthday has earned me full THuFRO in bed (with wife!) privileges.
Justin Herbert and the Chargers offense keep going 3 and ouch.
Thank you, folks, and just FYI l, I am available to talk about football for money.
Thank you, folks, and just FYI l, I am available to talk about football for money.
December 9, 2025 at 3:54 AM
Justin Herbert and the Chargers offense keep going 3 and ouch.
Thank you, folks, and just FYI l, I am available to talk about football for money.
Thank you, folks, and just FYI l, I am available to talk about football for money.
pretty cool to pay a willfully terrible company ten bucks a month for a year and then have them tell you that you somehow listen to music like a 73 year old
December 3, 2025 at 10:39 PM
pretty cool to pay a willfully terrible company ten bucks a month for a year and then have them tell you that you somehow listen to music like a 73 year old
Theory: Khris Middleton has actual intel on the Bucks and Kuzma was like "Bilal always falls for paper paper paper when you rock paper scissors for the window seat"
December 2, 2025 at 2:56 AM
Theory: Khris Middleton has actual intel on the Bucks and Kuzma was like "Bilal always falls for paper paper paper when you rock paper scissors for the window seat"
wife and I are big fans of the sticker feature
December 2, 2025 at 2:03 AM
wife and I are big fans of the sticker feature
setting up a full desk in a popular local coffee shop to dramatically perform a "tortured genius writer" routine where I get increasingly more agitated and despondent before shouting "A HA!" and typing furiously. you look at my screen to see an otherwise blank word doc that just says "cake pie"
November 26, 2025 at 1:22 AM
setting up a full desk in a popular local coffee shop to dramatically perform a "tortured genius writer" routine where I get increasingly more agitated and despondent before shouting "A HA!" and typing furiously. you look at my screen to see an otherwise blank word doc that just says "cake pie"
Pretty cool that Harvey from Stardew Valley finally got to be on Jeopardy
November 26, 2025 at 12:41 AM
Pretty cool that Harvey from Stardew Valley finally got to be on Jeopardy
"Sure, I can bring a vegetable dish."
The vegetable dish:
The vegetable dish:
November 23, 2025 at 7:17 PM
"Sure, I can bring a vegetable dish."
The vegetable dish:
The vegetable dish:
Childlessness never so appealing as when you fight tooth and nail through suburban weekend traffic to make a thankless appearance at your nephew's Chuck E. Cheese party, and then all the other people your age have that "WE LIVE THIS WAY" look.
November 23, 2025 at 4:33 PM
Childlessness never so appealing as when you fight tooth and nail through suburban weekend traffic to make a thankless appearance at your nephew's Chuck E. Cheese party, and then all the other people your age have that "WE LIVE THIS WAY" look.
Thank you all, from the bottom of my heart. I never dreamed that a humble Substack about birdwatching could lead me all the way here, to a post on the New York Times opinion section, but your support helped me believe. Here's my first column "Wealth Inequality Is Actually Good For All You Dumbfucks"
November 14, 2025 at 5:05 AM
Thank you all, from the bottom of my heart. I never dreamed that a humble Substack about birdwatching could lead me all the way here, to a post on the New York Times opinion section, but your support helped me believe. Here's my first column "Wealth Inequality Is Actually Good For All You Dumbfucks"
me, watching a Nicolas Cage movie: "Best to ever do it"
wife: "do what?"
me: "be Nicolas Cage"
wife: "totally"
wife: "do what?"
me: "be Nicolas Cage"
wife: "totally"
November 12, 2025 at 2:31 AM
me, watching a Nicolas Cage movie: "Best to ever do it"
wife: "do what?"
me: "be Nicolas Cage"
wife: "totally"
wife: "do what?"
me: "be Nicolas Cage"
wife: "totally"
(enters crowded nightclub men's room)
SO I GUESS THIS IS WHERE ALL THE GUYS PEE, HUH?
SO I GUESS THIS IS WHERE ALL THE GUYS PEE, HUH?
November 8, 2025 at 3:17 AM
(enters crowded nightclub men's room)
SO I GUESS THIS IS WHERE ALL THE GUYS PEE, HUH?
SO I GUESS THIS IS WHERE ALL THE GUYS PEE, HUH?
New Standard Time Sleep Schedule:
- pass out hard at 8:30pm for six hours
- wake up covered in drool at 10:45pm
- back to bed for a full 8 hours
- wide awake at 1:45am
- begin day
- back to sleep 2:15am
- now it's Thursday
- uh oh
- feed the dog 6:20am
- regular day happens (Tuesday?)
-
- no
- pass out hard at 8:30pm for six hours
- wake up covered in drool at 10:45pm
- back to bed for a full 8 hours
- wide awake at 1:45am
- begin day
- back to sleep 2:15am
- now it's Thursday
- uh oh
- feed the dog 6:20am
- regular day happens (Tuesday?)
-
- no
November 4, 2025 at 7:00 AM
New Standard Time Sleep Schedule:
- pass out hard at 8:30pm for six hours
- wake up covered in drool at 10:45pm
- back to bed for a full 8 hours
- wide awake at 1:45am
- begin day
- back to sleep 2:15am
- now it's Thursday
- uh oh
- feed the dog 6:20am
- regular day happens (Tuesday?)
-
- no
- pass out hard at 8:30pm for six hours
- wake up covered in drool at 10:45pm
- back to bed for a full 8 hours
- wide awake at 1:45am
- begin day
- back to sleep 2:15am
- now it's Thursday
- uh oh
- feed the dog 6:20am
- regular day happens (Tuesday?)
-
- no