Wizard Morty
@cyberleaf.bsky.social
For all the real Mort-heads
I would love to see another headline tomorrow morning regarding what these two choose to do with themselves tonight.
BREAKING: The two federal immigration agents who fired on Minneapolis protester Alex Pretti are identified in government records as Border Patrol agent Jesus Ochoa and Customs and Border Protection officer Raymundo Gutierrez.
Two CBP Agents Identified in Alex Pretti Shooting
The two federal immigration agents who fired on Minneapolis protester Alex Pretti are identified in government records as Border Patrol agent Jesus Ochoa and Customs and Border Protection officer Raym...
www.propublica.org
February 1, 2026 at 10:51 PM
I would love to see another headline tomorrow morning regarding what these two choose to do with themselves tonight.
Reposted by Wizard Morty
the Epstein files make it very clear why the MeToo backlash was so extreme and why so much of elite society preferred Donald Trump ruling us like a king to the barest hint of accountability
February 1, 2026 at 9:27 PM
the Epstein files make it very clear why the MeToo backlash was so extreme and why so much of elite society preferred Donald Trump ruling us like a king to the barest hint of accountability
This is who runs this account
February 1, 2026 at 6:40 PM
This is who runs this account
Reposted by Wizard Morty
Abolish ICE and fire all agents is the moderate position.
I just got tear gassed along with thousands of union members, many of whom had their families with them. Federal agents at the ICE facility tear gassed children. We must abolish ICE, DHS, and we must have prosecutions. I expect to see enforcement of our city code prohibiting the use of tear gas.
February 1, 2026 at 2:27 AM
Abolish ICE and fire all agents is the moderate position.
Fortunately bald uncs like me who only go to the gym once or twice a week always have someone else there we can look down on: bald uncs who go to the gym five or six times a week
January 30, 2026 at 4:23 PM
Fortunately bald uncs like me who only go to the gym once or twice a week always have someone else there we can look down on: bald uncs who go to the gym five or six times a week
As the first person to ever have this very smart idea, surely *I* am immune to propaganda
January 27, 2026 at 4:51 PM
As the first person to ever have this very smart idea, surely *I* am immune to propaganda
Reposted by Wizard Morty
ICE is now responsible for 66% of the homicides in Minneapolis this year.
January 24, 2026 at 4:51 PM
ICE is now responsible for 66% of the homicides in Minneapolis this year.
Reposted by Wizard Morty
Criminal tribunals will be the bare minimum, and are the modest response under the circumstances
January 24, 2026 at 5:21 PM
Criminal tribunals will be the bare minimum, and are the modest response under the circumstances
A sandwich is the paradigmatic Nosh. Any single component of a sandwich taken on its own becomes a Nibble. Sandwich plus side, it's old-fashioned but that's a solid Nom. Anything more than that and you're in chow town.
January 24, 2026 at 3:29 AM
A sandwich is the paradigmatic Nosh. Any single component of a sandwich taken on its own becomes a Nibble. Sandwich plus side, it's old-fashioned but that's a solid Nom. Anything more than that and you're in chow town.
If they hurt Jung-Hoo I am going to Oldboy somebody
BREAKING: San Francisco Giants star Jung Hoo Lee has been detained by CBP at LAX. Pelosi's office says she is working to secure his release. www.sfchronicle.com/sports/giant...
Giants outfielder Jung Hoo Lee detained at Los Angeles International Airport
San Francisco Giants outfielder Jung Hoo Lee was detained Wednesday evening at Los Angeles International Airport, his agent Scott Boras told the Chronicle.
www.sfchronicle.com
January 22, 2026 at 2:10 AM
If they hurt Jung-Hoo I am going to Oldboy somebody
Reposted by Wizard Morty
If you’re a grown ass man in full tactical gear asking a child to show you ID or proof of citizenship you failed at life. Utterly & completely failed. Loser.
January 21, 2026 at 9:20 PM
If you’re a grown ass man in full tactical gear asking a child to show you ID or proof of citizenship you failed at life. Utterly & completely failed. Loser.
Sometimes it sounds kinda nice to be a friendless moron. Spend all week half-assing your job, listening to podcasts that remind you of college. Settle in at home at the end of the week for Whiskey Friday with Tony Dokoupil, learn what your opinion should be. Then one day you just die.
January 16, 2026 at 5:29 PM
Sometimes it sounds kinda nice to be a friendless moron. Spend all week half-assing your job, listening to podcasts that remind you of college. Settle in at home at the end of the week for Whiskey Friday with Tony Dokoupil, learn what your opinion should be. Then one day you just die.
I would like to prepare a meal for every ICE agent, using ingredients known only to me
One of the stories that makes me the saddest out of this ICE invasion is one out of the Minnesota Star Tribune today about ICE agents eating at a little Mexican restaurant in the small town of Willmar, Minn, —and then, when they were done, arresting some of the workers.
January 16, 2026 at 5:04 AM
I would like to prepare a meal for every ICE agent, using ingredients known only to me
If you're an ICE agent, you don't know who will eventually be in a position to make you suffer. Many people who are watching you now will, for the rest of your life, aim to maximize that suffering. It's done. That will be your experience now.
January 14, 2026 at 4:02 AM
If you're an ICE agent, you don't know who will eventually be in a position to make you suffer. Many people who are watching you now will, for the rest of your life, aim to maximize that suffering. It's done. That will be your experience now.
Hello my wife, please give me peas from the freezer to put on my ass. Yes I slipped and fell like a cartoon man stepping on a banana peel. Yes I almost poked my eye out with my walkie-talkie. Yes everyone saw me and I got a concussion. No I don't want an Ambien, stop asking.
i believe the photographer who is taking the photo is Christopher Katsarov of the Canadian Press, and here is his photo
January 11, 2026 at 11:29 PM
Hello my wife, please give me peas from the freezer to put on my ass. Yes I slipped and fell like a cartoon man stepping on a banana peel. Yes I almost poked my eye out with my walkie-talkie. Yes everyone saw me and I got a concussion. No I don't want an Ambien, stop asking.
Hello my wife, thank you for traveling from the Philippines to clean my house and such. Unfortunately I have just had a temper tantrum that caused me to shoot another woman in the face three times on camera, so we will need to go into hiding now. No I don't know where your passport is, stop asking.
January 11, 2026 at 5:28 PM
Hello my wife, thank you for traveling from the Philippines to clean my house and such. Unfortunately I have just had a temper tantrum that caused me to shoot another woman in the face three times on camera, so we will need to go into hiding now. No I don't know where your passport is, stop asking.
The "I can't cum until you cry" administration
It’s always struck me as odd how the objectives of the regime and the opposition are exactly the inverse of what they should be.
The regime should *want* peaceful acquiescence to their rule, just as the Democrats should want an escalation into a situation the latter can’t control.
The regime should *want* peaceful acquiescence to their rule, just as the Democrats should want an escalation into a situation the latter can’t control.
January 9, 2026 at 4:02 AM
The "I can't cum until you cry" administration
Reposted by Wizard Morty
there needs to be a sex offender registry but for ice guys. you should have to go door to door when you move to a new area and inform your neighbors that you used to be an ice guy. they shouldn't be allowed with 500 feet of a school
January 9, 2026 at 12:24 AM
there needs to be a sex offender registry but for ice guys. you should have to go door to door when you move to a new area and inform your neighbors that you used to be an ice guy. they shouldn't be allowed with 500 feet of a school
At this point there is no punishment for these people that I would consider either cruel or unusual
January 8, 2026 at 2:30 AM
At this point there is no punishment for these people that I would consider either cruel or unusual
Reposted by Wizard Morty
kind of darkly funny that "gender studies" is the stereotypical "useless degree" because gender studies will help you understand a large and important chunk of the current psychosis in american life
January 6, 2026 at 2:00 AM
kind of darkly funny that "gender studies" is the stereotypical "useless degree" because gender studies will help you understand a large and important chunk of the current psychosis in american life
It's 2:15 in the goddamn morning and the frogs outside are going fucking bonkers
January 4, 2026 at 10:17 AM
It's 2:15 in the goddamn morning and the frogs outside are going fucking bonkers
