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Idk if this is the quintessential Onion headline but I've thought of this at least once a week for almost a decade
December 3, 2025 at 5:14 PM
Idk if this is the quintessential Onion headline but I've thought of this at least once a week for almost a decade
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"It's giving Tuesday" texts read different when you're gay
December 2, 2025 at 7:21 PM
"It's giving Tuesday" texts read different when you're gay
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That hung smile
December 1, 2025 at 7:27 PM
That hung smile
a great song can be seven minutes and feel like four
November 29, 2025 at 9:35 PM
a great song can be seven minutes and feel like four
stopping by dunks need anything?
November 29, 2025 at 6:28 PM
stopping by dunks need anything?
with one month left remaining this year i’ve already spent $1400 more out of pocket on health related expenses than i did in the entirety of 2024
November 28, 2025 at 6:30 PM
with one month left remaining this year i’ve already spent $1400 more out of pocket on health related expenses than i did in the entirety of 2024
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rummaging thru my brothers and SILs bedroom with my sister in laws sister plotting to steal our clothes back
November 27, 2025 at 6:48 PM
rummaging thru my brothers and SILs bedroom with my sister in laws sister plotting to steal our clothes back
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I hate wristwatches
November 26, 2025 at 2:42 PM
I hate wristwatches
apple music’s algo largely blows but their personalized radio station almost always hits
November 23, 2025 at 7:05 PM
apple music’s algo largely blows but their personalized radio station almost always hits
people posting about survivor and all i hear is reba singing her theme song
November 20, 2025 at 4:38 AM
people posting about survivor and all i hear is reba singing her theme song
mandy patinkin’s voice is so soothing
November 18, 2025 at 10:17 PM
mandy patinkin’s voice is so soothing
get fucked angus king
November 18, 2025 at 7:00 PM
get fucked angus king
pivoting to vers top (growing out my beard)
November 18, 2025 at 6:06 PM
pivoting to vers top (growing out my beard)
wait is ➡️ vers or side ???
November 17, 2025 at 6:13 PM
wait is ➡️ vers or side ???
store didn’t have any almond joys so i had to settle with mounds. still terrific
November 17, 2025 at 3:09 AM
store didn’t have any almond joys so i had to settle with mounds. still terrific
first date idea; exchange locations on find my friends then mutually ghost each other
November 16, 2025 at 12:21 AM
first date idea; exchange locations on find my friends then mutually ghost each other
men are so hot omg
November 15, 2025 at 9:42 PM
men are so hot omg
berklee college kids hoppin on the green line with their gd obos and cellos swinging those mf’ers around with reckless abandon smh
November 12, 2025 at 9:27 PM
berklee college kids hoppin on the green line with their gd obos and cellos swinging those mf’ers around with reckless abandon smh
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And a big fuck you to Kim Davis you buck toothed, Gollum looking, inbred ass bitch ✨
November 10, 2025 at 3:56 PM
And a big fuck you to Kim Davis you buck toothed, Gollum looking, inbred ass bitch ✨
two separate movies this week are hyper violent yet get the pg13 rating anyway. why not, i suppose
November 8, 2025 at 11:25 PM
two separate movies this week are hyper violent yet get the pg13 rating anyway. why not, i suppose
if i were an eco terrorist or worked for Big Plastic and wanted to wreak as much devastation as possible i’d simply invent iced coffee
November 8, 2025 at 3:09 PM
if i were an eco terrorist or worked for Big Plastic and wanted to wreak as much devastation as possible i’d simply invent iced coffee
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Hilary Duff said we come to this place for magic bitch!
November 7, 2025 at 1:45 AM
Hilary Duff said we come to this place for magic bitch!