Absolute Lawn Flamingo🦩
@fowlflamingo.bsky.social
Kazooie4Life. Foul mouthed pink lawn ornament enthusiast.
Pinned
Dick Cheney died? Oh deer
Powers back on today but I'm still mad that I got hit by a fastball of wind to the face yesterday. 97mph is ridiculous
December 18, 2025 at 4:18 PM
Powers back on today but I'm still mad that I got hit by a fastball of wind to the face yesterday. 97mph is ridiculous
Chat it's too windy to smoke. How am I supposed to survive without power having to listen to my mother and her bf bicker all night if I can't smoke
December 18, 2025 at 3:27 AM
Chat it's too windy to smoke. How am I supposed to survive without power having to listen to my mother and her bf bicker all night if I can't smoke
Related: the power company shut off power preemptively after the Marshall Fire here a few years ago was caused in part by their electrical equipment. 10/10 move.
My mother's boyfriend is absolutely livid about this and won't shut up about it. I would like to strangle the man
My mother's boyfriend is absolutely livid about this and won't shut up about it. I would like to strangle the man
She'll* be coming around the mountain when she comes
*The 97MPH winds coming down the front range today 🙃
*The 97MPH winds coming down the front range today 🙃
December 18, 2025 at 2:21 AM
Related: the power company shut off power preemptively after the Marshall Fire here a few years ago was caused in part by their electrical equipment. 10/10 move.
My mother's boyfriend is absolutely livid about this and won't shut up about it. I would like to strangle the man
My mother's boyfriend is absolutely livid about this and won't shut up about it. I would like to strangle the man
She'll* be coming around the mountain when she comes
*The 97MPH winds coming down the front range today 🙃
*The 97MPH winds coming down the front range today 🙃
December 18, 2025 at 2:07 AM
She'll* be coming around the mountain when she comes
*The 97MPH winds coming down the front range today 🙃
*The 97MPH winds coming down the front range today 🙃
Currently convincing 3 children that Calvin Fischeoder on Bob's Burgers is a doctor, AMA
December 16, 2025 at 12:46 AM
Currently convincing 3 children that Calvin Fischeoder on Bob's Burgers is a doctor, AMA
Y'all I ordered chicken vindaloo at this Indian restaurant up here and it was the spiciest thing I've ever put in my mouth holy shit what a traumatic experience. @idreamofninja.bsky.social was so worried 😭
December 14, 2025 at 6:26 PM
Y'all I ordered chicken vindaloo at this Indian restaurant up here and it was the spiciest thing I've ever put in my mouth holy shit what a traumatic experience. @idreamofninja.bsky.social was so worried 😭
Reposted by Absolute Lawn Flamingo🦩
Personally idgaf if people are buying soda, candy, energy drinks or seafood with their SNAP benefits. Conservatives act like it's a huge travesty and that is such weird behavior to me. I care more about farmers needing bailouts because Trump is a damn fool
December 14, 2025 at 5:10 PM
Personally idgaf if people are buying soda, candy, energy drinks or seafood with their SNAP benefits. Conservatives act like it's a huge travesty and that is such weird behavior to me. I care more about farmers needing bailouts because Trump is a damn fool
It took far too long for this crossover to happen tbh. 10/10 no notes so far. We literally just got high enough to eat taco bell and watched Bob burgers 😂
Waiting in the cell phone lot at the airport to pick up @fowlflamingo.bsky.social!!!
December 12, 2025 at 9:26 AM
It took far too long for this crossover to happen tbh. 10/10 no notes so far. We literally just got high enough to eat taco bell and watched Bob burgers 😂
You can't tell me words mean things and then also tell me that Chicago is part of the Midwest.
December 11, 2025 at 6:22 PM
You can't tell me words mean things and then also tell me that Chicago is part of the Midwest.
Normalize not taking random stories about strangers you have no idea about and turning them into grand moral discourses that's just pop psychology bullshit.
If I hear one more hot take about the turkey trot shit I'm gonna lose my mind. People are fucking weird.
If I hear one more hot take about the turkey trot shit I'm gonna lose my mind. People are fucking weird.
December 5, 2025 at 3:47 PM
Normalize not taking random stories about strangers you have no idea about and turning them into grand moral discourses that's just pop psychology bullshit.
If I hear one more hot take about the turkey trot shit I'm gonna lose my mind. People are fucking weird.
If I hear one more hot take about the turkey trot shit I'm gonna lose my mind. People are fucking weird.
Reposted by Absolute Lawn Flamingo🦩
Reminder:
Fat jokes and diabetes jokes aren't funny, cause harm, and perpetuate stigma and bias.
Stop making them. Especially during the holidays.
Food is for nourishment and enjoyment. Nothing else.
Fat jokes and diabetes jokes aren't funny, cause harm, and perpetuate stigma and bias.
Stop making them. Especially during the holidays.
Food is for nourishment and enjoyment. Nothing else.
December 1, 2025 at 7:43 PM
Reminder:
Fat jokes and diabetes jokes aren't funny, cause harm, and perpetuate stigma and bias.
Stop making them. Especially during the holidays.
Food is for nourishment and enjoyment. Nothing else.
Fat jokes and diabetes jokes aren't funny, cause harm, and perpetuate stigma and bias.
Stop making them. Especially during the holidays.
Food is for nourishment and enjoyment. Nothing else.
"No other president has ever agreed to take one"
That's not concerning at all. Totally fine I'm sure.
That's not concerning at all. Totally fine I'm sure.
Trump: "I took my physical. I got all As. Everything. But they said to me, 'would you like to take a cognitive test?' I said, 'Is it hard?' They said, 'yes.' I said, 'Well, I'm a very smart person. Who was the last president to take one?' 'No president has ever agreed to take one' ... I aced it."
December 2, 2025 at 6:16 PM
"No other president has ever agreed to take one"
That's not concerning at all. Totally fine I'm sure.
That's not concerning at all. Totally fine I'm sure.
I've spent a solid 4 days fixated on an incredibly mundane argument I had on reddit about Immanual Kant and the value of his works vs modern non-cognitivism theory.
I've also gotten high as fuck and played call of duty mindlessly asking people if I could be a fidget spinner on their dicks.
I've also gotten high as fuck and played call of duty mindlessly asking people if I could be a fidget spinner on their dicks.
December 1, 2025 at 6:27 AM
I've spent a solid 4 days fixated on an incredibly mundane argument I had on reddit about Immanual Kant and the value of his works vs modern non-cognitivism theory.
I've also gotten high as fuck and played call of duty mindlessly asking people if I could be a fidget spinner on their dicks.
I've also gotten high as fuck and played call of duty mindlessly asking people if I could be a fidget spinner on their dicks.
Am I the only one who remembers when Facebook used that "marked safe from *insert mass shooting event here*" and it was a big thing? Cause I reference "marked safe" like 4 times a day
December 1, 2025 at 5:12 AM
Am I the only one who remembers when Facebook used that "marked safe from *insert mass shooting event here*" and it was a big thing? Cause I reference "marked safe" like 4 times a day
Love isn't finite but attention sure as fuck is
November 27, 2025 at 6:25 AM
Love isn't finite but attention sure as fuck is
The government has always lied to SCOTUS. The issue is that they're in cahoots with each other and coming up with the lies in tandem with one another.
This is the same playbook the Trump administration ran in Portland, where DHS officials falsely accused local police of failing to help them (or not arriving quickly enough). Strikes me as a problem that the government lies so freely to the Supreme Court now. www.nytimes.com/2025/11/25/u...
November 25, 2025 at 9:14 PM
The government has always lied to SCOTUS. The issue is that they're in cahoots with each other and coming up with the lies in tandem with one another.
Fennec foxes have Corgi ears
November 23, 2025 at 4:24 AM
Fennec foxes have Corgi ears
Guys I have therapy today and I have to admit to my therapist that getting off of social media and getting outside more did, in fact, greatly help my mental health the last week. Fuck
November 20, 2025 at 11:30 AM
Guys I have therapy today and I have to admit to my therapist that getting off of social media and getting outside more did, in fact, greatly help my mental health the last week. Fuck
Reposted by Absolute Lawn Flamingo🦩
Reposted by Absolute Lawn Flamingo🦩
Relationship status: available for curbside pick up.
November 17, 2025 at 9:06 PM
Relationship status: available for curbside pick up.
So door dash girl was clearly in the wrong (argue with yourselves I'm not doing it).
But now that she got arrested why are all the ACAB people uncritically accepting a statement the fucking cops put out as proof that they were right and dunking on everyone? ACAB means the ones who agree with us too
But now that she got arrested why are all the ACAB people uncritically accepting a statement the fucking cops put out as proof that they were right and dunking on everyone? ACAB means the ones who agree with us too
November 18, 2025 at 1:20 PM
So door dash girl was clearly in the wrong (argue with yourselves I'm not doing it).
But now that she got arrested why are all the ACAB people uncritically accepting a statement the fucking cops put out as proof that they were right and dunking on everyone? ACAB means the ones who agree with us too
But now that she got arrested why are all the ACAB people uncritically accepting a statement the fucking cops put out as proof that they were right and dunking on everyone? ACAB means the ones who agree with us too
As a pasty white person, I always thought getting side eyed in H-Mart or any non-white grocery store was just part of the experience? White people don't exactly have the best track record of being respectful towards other cultures 😂
November 17, 2025 at 10:06 PM
As a pasty white person, I always thought getting side eyed in H-Mart or any non-white grocery store was just part of the experience? White people don't exactly have the best track record of being respectful towards other cultures 😂
I just want to know why we're all fixated on this "omg did he or did he not suck Clintons dick." Please, someone enlighten me what that teaches us about the man. What does it change except open up the door for a bunch of homophobic jokes while we ignore that he trafficked and raped girls.
November 17, 2025 at 6:53 AM
I just want to know why we're all fixated on this "omg did he or did he not suck Clintons dick." Please, someone enlighten me what that teaches us about the man. What does it change except open up the door for a bunch of homophobic jokes while we ignore that he trafficked and raped girls.
Reposted by Absolute Lawn Flamingo🦩
If I'm Mamdani I'm like no you have to go now
No one leaving New York City because of Mamdani, say two top real estate CEOs
No one leaving New York City because of Mamdani, say two top real estate CEOs
New York City Mayor-elect Zohran Mamdani's democratic socialist views spark fears companies and capital will flee, but top real estate CEOs say it's not true.
cnb.cx
November 14, 2025 at 5:58 PM
If I'm Mamdani I'm like no you have to go now
The more old people go against the 67 nonsense, the more I'm going to force myself to get on board. I'm sorry, a trend that kids are doing that's not dangerous or harming anyone?
Hell yeah. We need more of that. Is better than the salt and ice or cinnamon trends I was doing
Hell yeah. We need more of that. Is better than the salt and ice or cinnamon trends I was doing
November 14, 2025 at 6:04 PM
The more old people go against the 67 nonsense, the more I'm going to force myself to get on board. I'm sorry, a trend that kids are doing that's not dangerous or harming anyone?
Hell yeah. We need more of that. Is better than the salt and ice or cinnamon trends I was doing
Hell yeah. We need more of that. Is better than the salt and ice or cinnamon trends I was doing