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glocktopus.bsky.social
Emily Blunt Guts
@glocktopus.bsky.social
330 followers 270 following 1.7K posts
Crazy Go Nuts University Trustee Emeritus
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glocktopus.bsky.social
Red snappers from Maine! Why these haven’t been marketed widely to kids (mild hot dog, insane highlighter color) is beyond me
A tray of frankfurters in top-split buns. The sausages are a nuclear pink color
February 10, 2026 at 8:27 PM
glocktopus.bsky.social
Age verification? Sure, just let me get a picture of myself to send in:
A blocky Kodak disc 4000 film camera
February 10, 2026 at 2:57 PM
glocktopus.bsky.social
A Springfield Nuclear Plant employee reads cribs notes on his giant hand about his frustration with jokes about his giant hand
February 9, 2026 at 11:47 PM
glocktopus.bsky.social
The Ghost of Xmas Way Future, wearing an elaborate exoskeleton, grimaces and shouts “frigging bonies!” (From ITYSL)
February 9, 2026 at 8:53 PM
glocktopus.bsky.social
Beit Dinfluencers
19th Woodcut illustration of the Sanhedrin, a large judicial body seated in a horseshoe shaped dais
February 8, 2026 at 5:40 PM
glocktopus.bsky.social
This could’ve just been Dr So-and-So’s optical but no, you had to be cute. Look at you now.
A Manhattan storefront for an optician named “Jeffrey’s Manhattan Eyeland”
February 8, 2026 at 3:24 AM
glocktopus.bsky.social
Tobias Funke reasons with his wife: SURE, AMERICA'S TURNED ON EVERY POLITICAL FIGUREHEAD IT PROPPED UP FOR LEVERAGE IN AN UNSTABLE NATION- BUTIT MIGHT WORK FOR US.
February 8, 2026 at 12:42 AM
glocktopus.bsky.social
Dot Warner cradles Prince and pulls a sarcastic face while uttering an Aristocrats-tier joke on kid’s afternoon TV
February 8, 2026 at 12:08 AM
glocktopus.bsky.social
A dialog box for the Springfield PD, with a digitized Chief Wiggum. User has selected No, they do not wish to confess to a crime
February 7, 2026 at 9:31 PM
glocktopus.bsky.social
Popping out like
Skunky Poo, a rascally skunk from CLONE HIGH, with their catchphrase “try and catch me , bitch!”
February 7, 2026 at 7:21 PM
glocktopus.bsky.social
Maye’s got nards.
A young boy from the film MONSTER SQUAD, surprised about the presence of nards
February 7, 2026 at 6:54 PM
glocktopus.bsky.social
We say “take” a nap because we should not have to earn, request, nor apologize for it.
Earl, a stripy gray cat, curled up like a croissant and sleeping on a blanket
February 7, 2026 at 5:54 PM
glocktopus.bsky.social
Werner Herzog, who would like to sit in the Gumby chair.
February 6, 2026 at 1:07 AM
glocktopus.bsky.social
Jake and Elwood Blues, two men in sunglasses, soul band suits and trilby hats, in their eponymous film.
February 4, 2026 at 3:47 AM
glocktopus.bsky.social
Swedish pop group ABBA, with a word balloon indicating they are singing the quoted post below
February 2, 2026 at 9:52 PM
glocktopus.bsky.social
Tight-lipped mobster Johnny Tightlips adjusts his tie and asks, rhetorically “What’s a Git repo?”
February 2, 2026 at 9:17 PM
glocktopus.bsky.social
One silver lining to the baloney Bad Bunny “controversy” is looking back at the absolute fever dream of the Disney-produced halftime shows.
Lineup of performers at the 1995 Super Bowl: Patti LaBelle Indiana Jones & Marion Ravenwood Teddy Pendergrass Tony Bennett Arturo Sandoval Miami Sound Machine
February 2, 2026 at 9:12 PM
glocktopus.bsky.social
Ralph Wiggum, embarrassed, tells his parents “MELANIA WAS IN THE MOVIE AND I SAW THE CROWD AND ONE OF THE CROWD INTERACTED WITH MELANIA”
February 2, 2026 at 8:19 PM
glocktopus.bsky.social
This is hockey, a sport played outdoors in Florida
Two hockey referees stand before the bench of several players in blue Tampa Bay Lightning jerseys. The coaches are dressed, for some reason, like stereotypical movie gangsters, in bold double breasted suits and fedoras
February 2, 2026 at 1:48 AM
glocktopus.bsky.social
Nothing says “pensive fast in the imitation of Christ preparing himself as sacrifice” than “Marky Mark” and “free trial subscription.”
Reddit ad for the Hallow religion app, encouraging people “Prepare for Lent with Hallow's guided prayer and meditation. Sign up today and try for free!” Ad shows head and shoulders shots of two smug white dudes, with headline THS LENT ON HALLOW JOIN MARK WAHLBERG AND CHRIS PRATT
February 1, 2026 at 9:43 PM
glocktopus.bsky.social
On X the everything app, replies to this would be the worst sexist garbage, meanwhile here it’s just
Ted Danson as Michael on THE GOOD PLACE, a man in a sharp suit saying, dismissively, “yeah, yeah, the timeless genius of Cyndi Lauper, we’ve all seen it.”
January 31, 2026 at 11:28 AM
glocktopus.bsky.social
Me removing “Ignition (Remix)” from all my party and driving playlists:
Nino Brown, a sharply-dressed gangster with tears in his eyes, levels a pistol at a friend who must be dispensed of.
January 29, 2026 at 4:23 PM
glocktopus.bsky.social
Pitch a movie with just the actor & director.
Kermit the Frog David Cronenberg
January 29, 2026 at 2:48 PM
glocktopus.bsky.social
A bald, goggle-wearing War Boy from MAD MAX: FURY ROAD sprays chrome paint directly into his open mouth
January 29, 2026 at 1:00 PM
glocktopus.bsky.social
Post insane bootleg sports shit for @dhm.bsky.social
A horrifying handmade ceramic coffee mug in the shape of Joe Paterno’s head, marked down from $30 to $25
January 29, 2026 at 2:59 AM