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ianbionic.bsky.social
hot dog smootie & the blowfish
@ianbionic.bsky.social
47 followers 110 following 430 posts
author of the world-famous @ianbionic bluesky feed
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ianbionic.bsky.social
I firmly denounce 19th-century tavernkeeper Joe Beef's treatment of animals, except for of the one bear he let get tanked at the bar
Beef was known for keeping a menagerie of animals in his tavern, including four black bears, ten monkeys, three wild cats, a porcupine and an alligator. The bears were usually kept in the tavern's cellar and viewed by customers through a trap door in the barroom floor. He sometimes brought a bear up from the basement to restore order in his tavern, to fight with his dogs or play a game of billiards with the proprietor. One of his bears, Tom, had a daily consumption of twenty pints of beer and would sit on his hindquarters and hold a glass between his paws without spilling a drop
January 2, 2026 at 11:50 PM
ianbionic.bsky.social
Hey, your mom is on the news
Headline from The Dodo: 1800-Pound Loves Nothing More Than Playing with Balls [sic]
November 24, 2025 at 4:55 AM
ianbionic.bsky.social
The news is just stealing material from bluesky now
Headline from NBC News: Top military lawyer raised legal concerns about boat strikes
November 20, 2025 at 8:59 PM
ianbionic.bsky.social
Saluting this ADHD King
Leonard from Memento: "Habit and Routine make my life possible"
October 14, 2025 at 8:21 PM
ianbionic.bsky.social
Note to the incels: personally matters
Close-up of a woman about to kiss a giant African snail being held aloft in her hand
October 6, 2025 at 6:04 PM
ianbionic.bsky.social
Reading about gastropods while I wait for my ADHD meds to kick in. Look at these disgusting things
Pair of mating slugs, suspended by mucous thread and pad on wall
October 6, 2025 at 6:00 PM
ianbionic.bsky.social
I just want someone to hold me like this
An illustration of a guinea pig being held with with one had under its bottom and another on its back. The image is flipped so it appears the guinea pig is being held upside down
October 4, 2025 at 10:00 PM
ianbionic.bsky.social
The UK's next smash reality TV show:
Map of a small island in the Caribbean Sea: Booby Island
September 1, 2025 at 6:10 PM
ianbionic.bsky.social
The Defence Lawyer's Mantra
Crashmore Press Junket scene from I think you should leave. "I don't care about it, but it's not good behaviour"
August 11, 2025 at 8:37 PM
ianbionic.bsky.social
Chip Dinner Mentioned
Will Graham from Hannibal: You say "chip dinner" as if it's some...deviant act. Hannibal Lecter from Hannibal: I'm concerned about you, Will. You said you had nothing but chips for dinner. Will Graham [pointing gun]: I SKIPPED dinner and had a SNACK of chips before bed! Hannibal Lecter: Words are the bricks with which we erect lies. Lies which wall us off from ourselves and others.
August 7, 2025 at 8:27 PM
ianbionic.bsky.social
I recreated the scene in 'One Piece' where One Piece gets his famous hat
A Lego reconstruction of a set from the show 'One Piece'. A minifigure is placing a straw hat on One Piece's head
August 4, 2025 at 6:09 PM
ianbionic.bsky.social
Cambridge researchers find big ass cookie
Screenshot of BBC news headline: Cambridge researchers find 4,000-year-old Egyptian handprint. The thumbnail image is a man holding his hand in front of a huge reddish-brown rock that looks like a cookie, like a gingersnap maybe
July 29, 2025 at 9:17 PM
ianbionic.bsky.social
Poster for the haunted hotel movie "1408". Tagline: The Dolphin Hotel invites you to stay in any of its stunning rooms. Except one"
June 30, 2025 at 2:54 AM
ianbionic.bsky.social
Grab your bats and get in the truck boys, this is who we're after
June 16, 2025 at 2:26 AM
ianbionic.bsky.social
I love when a foreign king approves a symbol of my country's sovereignty
CTV news headline: King Charles III approved 'powerful symbol' of Canada's sovereignty and identity
June 14, 2025 at 8:14 AM
ianbionic.bsky.social
Just received the remastered 4K release of Dirty Work from Vinegar Syndrome. 3 cuts of the movie + an alternate ending, two commentary tracks, a feature length documentary, & a dozen cast/crew interviews as bonus features. Physical media rules
June 11, 2025 at 11:46 PM
ianbionic.bsky.social
Looks like we're cancelling Godzilla
Headline from SlashFilm: 10 Worst Things Godzilla Has Ever Done
June 4, 2025 at 4:51 PM
ianbionic.bsky.social
[spills a barqs on the console my first day at a new job] Whoopsie
LCL spreads across the earth during the third impact in End of Evangelion
May 31, 2025 at 7:55 AM
ianbionic.bsky.social
Bitch this is the most for-garbage can I've ever seen
A stereotypical steel garbage can, like from a movie or something. It has a sign on it that reads THIS CAN NOT FOR GARBAGE
May 15, 2025 at 4:41 AM
ianbionic.bsky.social
Screencap of Homer Simpson saying "[Gasps] Oh, not Souter! Oh, no!"
May 9, 2025 at 8:55 PM
ianbionic.bsky.social
We've finally developed a male version of 'herstory'. DEI is done
Sign for a business called "HESTORY BARBER SHOP"
May 6, 2025 at 6:33 PM
ianbionic.bsky.social
A "Come and Take it" Flag with hand-drawn boobs instead of a gun
April 4, 2025 at 7:57 PM
ianbionic.bsky.social
Man, I miss Miitomo. Look at all the adventures I had
Ian's Mii in Mike Tyson's Punch Out. He is crying and begging as the Bald Bull prepares for his bull rush attack Ian's mii facing down the tanks in the famous Tiananmen Square photo. His body language betrays his cowardice Ian's mii, wearing ninja garb, fighting King Dedede in Super Smash Brothers Ian's mii shrugging and shaking his head with a speech bubble: Bush did 9-11? Sigh...
April 1, 2025 at 7:36 PM
ianbionic.bsky.social
Doing some second-wave feminism in the wings night group chat
Screenshot of a group chat named "Chicken Haters" Ian: Not a lot of women dictators/genocidaires. Due to patriarchy Pol Pot Pie (replying): lol, shame? Ian: In a truly equal society we would have just as many powerful women oppressing the masses as we do men
March 31, 2025 at 9:08 PM
ianbionic.bsky.social
They've invented post-partum for pet owners. Can only imagine how ecstatic r/childfree is right now
Headline from HuffPost: "The 'Puppy Blues' Are Real — Science Says So You dreamed of enjoying your cuddly and playful puppy but since his arrival in your home, stress, exhaustion and doubt have taken over? It may be the "puppy blues"."
March 11, 2025 at 7:15 PM