danielle
@impudentearworm.bsky.social
rural lifestyle consultant, lutheran (not the racist kind), stephen fry hotness defender. also at @hingeguysbelike.bsky.social
Pinned
danielle
@impudentearworm.bsky.social
· Nov 15
It's time for Dawseycore fall. Get in losers we're wearing well-mended wool and pining respectfully
Fantastic, Twitter DMs now pull up random people you're not in conversation with when you search your inbox for keywords in existing chats
December 6, 2025 at 2:09 PM
Fantastic, Twitter DMs now pull up random people you're not in conversation with when you search your inbox for keywords in existing chats
My cooking philosophy is, when something goes against plan, no one needs to know that except you. Thusly from the ashes of the cranberry orange loaf cakes that stuck horribly (only the top half came out of the pan) comes the cranberry orange sheet cake with cream cheese frosting
December 4, 2025 at 11:24 PM
My cooking philosophy is, when something goes against plan, no one needs to know that except you. Thusly from the ashes of the cranberry orange loaf cakes that stuck horribly (only the top half came out of the pan) comes the cranberry orange sheet cake with cream cheese frosting
You know you've made it when your tattoo guy just wants to hang out
December 4, 2025 at 7:10 PM
You know you've made it when your tattoo guy just wants to hang out
This book I am listening to about Johnson & Johnson, on the heels of the book about Purdue pharma, is making me
1. Hear all drug advertising quite differently
2. Want to never purchase a brand-name drug ever again
1. Hear all drug advertising quite differently
2. Want to never purchase a brand-name drug ever again
December 3, 2025 at 1:41 AM
This book I am listening to about Johnson & Johnson, on the heels of the book about Purdue pharma, is making me
1. Hear all drug advertising quite differently
2. Want to never purchase a brand-name drug ever again
1. Hear all drug advertising quite differently
2. Want to never purchase a brand-name drug ever again
Strange how bad at math investment bankers are when it comes time to pay their bills
"I dOnT uNdErStAnD have someone call me. I signed [completely different document] for 2026 work so WHAT IS THIS" - senior partner faced with a very simple invoice for amount of estimate less 50% deposit, 50% due
"I dOnT uNdErStAnD have someone call me. I signed [completely different document] for 2026 work so WHAT IS THIS" - senior partner faced with a very simple invoice for amount of estimate less 50% deposit, 50% due
December 2, 2025 at 6:58 PM
Strange how bad at math investment bankers are when it comes time to pay their bills
"I dOnT uNdErStAnD have someone call me. I signed [completely different document] for 2026 work so WHAT IS THIS" - senior partner faced with a very simple invoice for amount of estimate less 50% deposit, 50% due
"I dOnT uNdErStAnD have someone call me. I signed [completely different document] for 2026 work so WHAT IS THIS" - senior partner faced with a very simple invoice for amount of estimate less 50% deposit, 50% due
Customer with invoice nearly 4 months past due: "well I sold this house in august"
That's nice, and it took you until the 7th collections email to share that?
IF YOU DON'T CANCEL YOUR SERVICE AND DON'T INFORM US OF THE HOUSE SALE, GUESS WHAT HAPPENS
That's nice, and it took you until the 7th collections email to share that?
IF YOU DON'T CANCEL YOUR SERVICE AND DON'T INFORM US OF THE HOUSE SALE, GUESS WHAT HAPPENS
December 1, 2025 at 4:10 PM
Customer with invoice nearly 4 months past due: "well I sold this house in august"
That's nice, and it took you until the 7th collections email to share that?
IF YOU DON'T CANCEL YOUR SERVICE AND DON'T INFORM US OF THE HOUSE SALE, GUESS WHAT HAPPENS
That's nice, and it took you until the 7th collections email to share that?
IF YOU DON'T CANCEL YOUR SERVICE AND DON'T INFORM US OF THE HOUSE SALE, GUESS WHAT HAPPENS
Review on a line of clothing called curve, designed for the plus sized: "beware if you are leaner or have a smaller frame this will not look good, 2/5 stars"
December 1, 2025 at 12:10 AM
Review on a line of clothing called curve, designed for the plus sized: "beware if you are leaner or have a smaller frame this will not look good, 2/5 stars"
What is the moral protocol for when a cashier at a store an hour away DELIBERATELY fails to ring up 2 $4 bags of coffee and you don't discover this until you're too far away to go back
Like I watched him make 4 beeps for 4 bags of coffee and lo, there are only 2 on the receipt
Like I watched him make 4 beeps for 4 bags of coffee and lo, there are only 2 on the receipt
November 29, 2025 at 11:51 PM
What is the moral protocol for when a cashier at a store an hour away DELIBERATELY fails to ring up 2 $4 bags of coffee and you don't discover this until you're too far away to go back
Like I watched him make 4 beeps for 4 bags of coffee and lo, there are only 2 on the receipt
Like I watched him make 4 beeps for 4 bags of coffee and lo, there are only 2 on the receipt
I know it's too early but I haven't made anything for fun for a long time so here is an Xmas garland made almost entirely out of garbage
November 28, 2025 at 10:12 PM
I know it's too early but I haven't made anything for fun for a long time so here is an Xmas garland made almost entirely out of garbage
The fervor with which the denim industry and the fashion bloggers are urging me to part with my skinny jeans is having the opposite effect
November 27, 2025 at 6:07 PM
The fervor with which the denim industry and the fashion bloggers are urging me to part with my skinny jeans is having the opposite effect
Today's winning phone call: [customer with 28-acre property] [icily] one of your guys is WANDERING around
They were there to do a job. He needed to pee. In terms of contractors I abide by eccl. 7:21 - if you are watching or listening too closely SOMETHING YOU ARE NOT GOING TO LIKE WILL HAPPEN
They were there to do a job. He needed to pee. In terms of contractors I abide by eccl. 7:21 - if you are watching or listening too closely SOMETHING YOU ARE NOT GOING TO LIKE WILL HAPPEN
November 26, 2025 at 8:48 PM
Today's winning phone call: [customer with 28-acre property] [icily] one of your guys is WANDERING around
They were there to do a job. He needed to pee. In terms of contractors I abide by eccl. 7:21 - if you are watching or listening too closely SOMETHING YOU ARE NOT GOING TO LIKE WILL HAPPEN
They were there to do a job. He needed to pee. In terms of contractors I abide by eccl. 7:21 - if you are watching or listening too closely SOMETHING YOU ARE NOT GOING TO LIKE WILL HAPPEN
When you see this skeet a pic from your gallery to describe your mental health.
November 26, 2025 at 7:20 PM
When you see this skeet a pic from your gallery to describe your mental health.
Me friday: remember there's an appointment Tuesday
Me monday: remember there's an appointment tomorrow
Me Tuesday am: remember there's an appointment this afternoon
[Tuesday 1:21 boss waltzing in the door]
Me: WHY AREN'T YOU AT YOUR 1:30 APPOINTMENT
"Oh I forgot"
Me monday: remember there's an appointment tomorrow
Me Tuesday am: remember there's an appointment this afternoon
[Tuesday 1:21 boss waltzing in the door]
Me: WHY AREN'T YOU AT YOUR 1:30 APPOINTMENT
"Oh I forgot"
November 25, 2025 at 6:24 PM
Me friday: remember there's an appointment Tuesday
Me monday: remember there's an appointment tomorrow
Me Tuesday am: remember there's an appointment this afternoon
[Tuesday 1:21 boss waltzing in the door]
Me: WHY AREN'T YOU AT YOUR 1:30 APPOINTMENT
"Oh I forgot"
Me monday: remember there's an appointment tomorrow
Me Tuesday am: remember there's an appointment this afternoon
[Tuesday 1:21 boss waltzing in the door]
Me: WHY AREN'T YOU AT YOUR 1:30 APPOINTMENT
"Oh I forgot"
Reposted by danielle
There’s a timeline where none of your life problems emerged and all the bad things on the world stage never happened because Sufjan Stevens made all 50 state albums and your state’s was absolutely perfect
November 24, 2025 at 7:00 PM
There’s a timeline where none of your life problems emerged and all the bad things on the world stage never happened because Sufjan Stevens made all 50 state albums and your state’s was absolutely perfect
Trying to put the best construct on things when your feelings are hurt is just like
a man with a beard is smiling and saying `` well , i 'm exhausted already . ''
ALT: a man with a beard is smiling and saying `` well , i 'm exhausted already . ''
media.tenor.com
November 24, 2025 at 6:28 PM
Trying to put the best construct on things when your feelings are hurt is just like
Incredible moment during communion: toddler made it from back of sanctuary to first altar step in split seconds, did flying squirrel leap onto first landing, then started army crawling to the altar. Pr rob (without dropping the communion tray) snagged her till her dad could get there
November 23, 2025 at 8:43 PM
Incredible moment during communion: toddler made it from back of sanctuary to first altar step in split seconds, did flying squirrel leap onto first landing, then started army crawling to the altar. Pr rob (without dropping the communion tray) snagged her till her dad could get there
I have just enough of a 4 wing to be slightly horrified at how predictable I am
November 20, 2025 at 3:59 PM
I have just enough of a 4 wing to be slightly horrified at how predictable I am
It's not even thanksgiving. Why am I being subjected to Santa baby
November 19, 2025 at 10:56 PM
It's not even thanksgiving. Why am I being subjected to Santa baby
A reminder of my brother's flawless list of types of men:
-Hoo-de-doo
-yeehah
-doh-de-doh
-dumpity-do
-horpy-dorp
-fancy man
-boo-bah (gender neutral; can also be used as an adjective for poor work. One may be boo-bah for personality -general laziness- or productivity or both)
-Hoo-de-doo
-yeehah
-doh-de-doh
-dumpity-do
-horpy-dorp
-fancy man
-boo-bah (gender neutral; can also be used as an adjective for poor work. One may be boo-bah for personality -general laziness- or productivity or both)
November 19, 2025 at 6:16 PM
A reminder of my brother's flawless list of types of men:
-Hoo-de-doo
-yeehah
-doh-de-doh
-dumpity-do
-horpy-dorp
-fancy man
-boo-bah (gender neutral; can also be used as an adjective for poor work. One may be boo-bah for personality -general laziness- or productivity or both)
-Hoo-de-doo
-yeehah
-doh-de-doh
-dumpity-do
-horpy-dorp
-fancy man
-boo-bah (gender neutral; can also be used as an adjective for poor work. One may be boo-bah for personality -general laziness- or productivity or both)
Belated gif from this week's episode
November 19, 2025 at 5:54 PM
Belated gif from this week's episode
Balance is important
I look with pleasure upon my freezer full of healthy homemade food
I look with pleasure upon the money in my taco bell app
I look with pleasure upon my freezer full of healthy homemade food
I look with pleasure upon the money in my taco bell app
November 19, 2025 at 3:54 PM
Balance is important
I look with pleasure upon my freezer full of healthy homemade food
I look with pleasure upon the money in my taco bell app
I look with pleasure upon my freezer full of healthy homemade food
I look with pleasure upon the money in my taco bell app
"Sign coworker up for this" [blank email with references to membership renewal and conferences"
Do you mean membership or conference?
"Just do it"
email is blank. membership or the conference? I can't see what you're seeing
"I don't need your normal list of excuses why you won't do what I ask"
Do you mean membership or conference?
"Just do it"
email is blank. membership or the conference? I can't see what you're seeing
"I don't need your normal list of excuses why you won't do what I ask"
November 18, 2025 at 3:18 PM
"Sign coworker up for this" [blank email with references to membership renewal and conferences"
Do you mean membership or conference?
"Just do it"
email is blank. membership or the conference? I can't see what you're seeing
"I don't need your normal list of excuses why you won't do what I ask"
Do you mean membership or conference?
"Just do it"
email is blank. membership or the conference? I can't see what you're seeing
"I don't need your normal list of excuses why you won't do what I ask"
I'm now at the "getting rid of backups" and "acknowledging i will never do this project" stage which is crazy for someone with scarcity/deprivation mindset
Boy, you slog and slog and slog putting in the work and then it all comes unstuck at once (I fixed some stuff outside today that I dropped in summer 2021 and hadn't touched since)
November 18, 2025 at 1:25 AM
I'm now at the "getting rid of backups" and "acknowledging i will never do this project" stage which is crazy for someone with scarcity/deprivation mindset