Jordan LaFlure
@jdlaflure.bsky.social
Executive Editor @theonion.com
Proud employee of an adult-attraction-only workplace.
Proud employee of an adult-attraction-only workplace.
if this was the audio I heard when watching live on tv I’d have cried harder than I did
As called by Don Fischer (who called IU's basketball game in Bloomington earlier today) on Indiana radio:
December 7, 2025 at 5:36 AM
if this was the audio I heard when watching live on tv I’d have cried harder than I did
Reposted by Jordan LaFlure
Print edition of the @theonion.com is worth it for the ads alone.
And last December, they included extra sheets with gift wrap. And there was also the full-sheet "sickos" panel insert.
And last December, they included extra sheets with gift wrap. And there was also the full-sheet "sickos" panel insert.
December 6, 2025 at 2:21 AM
Print edition of the @theonion.com is worth it for the ads alone.
And last December, they included extra sheets with gift wrap. And there was also the full-sheet "sickos" panel insert.
And last December, they included extra sheets with gift wrap. And there was also the full-sheet "sickos" panel insert.
Reposted by Jordan LaFlure
Hi everybody,
It's Black Friday, a big day for us at The Onion, since we rely almost entirely on your memberships.
Our goal for 2026? More print subscribers than the Washington Post.
This is, somehow, feasible.
So sign up! A year of print is $75 for the year today. Help us do a very funny thing.
It's Black Friday, a big day for us at The Onion, since we rely almost entirely on your memberships.
Our goal for 2026? More print subscribers than the Washington Post.
This is, somehow, feasible.
So sign up! A year of print is $75 for the year today. Help us do a very funny thing.
Join The Onion
Don’t just read the news. Feel it. Be among the first to feel the news.
membership.theonion.com
November 28, 2025 at 4:39 PM
Hi everybody,
It's Black Friday, a big day for us at The Onion, since we rely almost entirely on your memberships.
Our goal for 2026? More print subscribers than the Washington Post.
This is, somehow, feasible.
So sign up! A year of print is $75 for the year today. Help us do a very funny thing.
It's Black Friday, a big day for us at The Onion, since we rely almost entirely on your memberships.
Our goal for 2026? More print subscribers than the Washington Post.
This is, somehow, feasible.
So sign up! A year of print is $75 for the year today. Help us do a very funny thing.
Disappointed in the Albert Brooks heads on this site ignoring how obvious this is.
Somebody owes us an explanation for why this isn’t called ‘Defending Your Wife’ youtu.be/irXTps1REHU?...
Eternity | Official Trailer HD | A24
YouTube video by A24
youtu.be
November 24, 2025 at 12:25 AM
Disappointed in the Albert Brooks heads on this site ignoring how obvious this is.
Somebody owes us an explanation for why this isn’t called ‘Defending Your Wife’ youtu.be/irXTps1REHU?...
Eternity | Official Trailer HD | A24
YouTube video by A24
youtu.be
November 22, 2025 at 5:15 PM
Somebody owes us an explanation for why this isn’t called ‘Defending Your Wife’ youtu.be/irXTps1REHU?...
Reposted by Jordan LaFlure
Look, I’ve unsubscribed and resubscribe to the NYT a dozen times in the last few years.
I, too, have been a target of the “ if you had any ethics you would quit” ire when I worked at Deadspin. But journalism jobs are few and far between these days, and there are very few “good” media owners.
I, too, have been a target of the “ if you had any ethics you would quit” ire when I worked at Deadspin. But journalism jobs are few and far between these days, and there are very few “good” media owners.
You're not very principled if you're working for the NYT at this point. Or at least, it's the wrong damn principles.
November 6, 2025 at 7:30 PM
Look, I’ve unsubscribed and resubscribe to the NYT a dozen times in the last few years.
I, too, have been a target of the “ if you had any ethics you would quit” ire when I worked at Deadspin. But journalism jobs are few and far between these days, and there are very few “good” media owners.
I, too, have been a target of the “ if you had any ethics you would quit” ire when I worked at Deadspin. But journalism jobs are few and far between these days, and there are very few “good” media owners.
TEN MINUTES. YOU STILL HAVE TIME TO MAKE POPCORN.
Forget everything you already know about America's most notorious dead person.
Watch Jeffrey Epstein: Bad Pedophile today at 7 p.m. ET/6 p.m. CT.
Only at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XjhSoGcQhWU.
Watch Jeffrey Epstein: Bad Pedophile today at 7 p.m. ET/6 p.m. CT.
Only at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XjhSoGcQhWU.
October 9, 2025 at 10:49 PM
TEN MINUTES. YOU STILL HAVE TIME TO MAKE POPCORN.
Reposted by Jordan LaFlure
A very big Onion announcement:
The Onion has spent the last two months working on a masterpiece.
It's a documentary titled Jeffrey Epstein: Bad Pedophile.
It's so good, in fact, we were set to release it in theatres nationwide on October 2nd.
Then two weeks ago, Charlie Kirk was shot.
The Onion has spent the last two months working on a masterpiece.
It's a documentary titled Jeffrey Epstein: Bad Pedophile.
It's so good, in fact, we were set to release it in theatres nationwide on October 2nd.
Then two weeks ago, Charlie Kirk was shot.
September 25, 2025 at 3:12 PM
A very big Onion announcement:
The Onion has spent the last two months working on a masterpiece.
It's a documentary titled Jeffrey Epstein: Bad Pedophile.
It's so good, in fact, we were set to release it in theatres nationwide on October 2nd.
Then two weeks ago, Charlie Kirk was shot.
The Onion has spent the last two months working on a masterpiece.
It's a documentary titled Jeffrey Epstein: Bad Pedophile.
It's so good, in fact, we were set to release it in theatres nationwide on October 2nd.
Then two weeks ago, Charlie Kirk was shot.
Reposted by Jordan LaFlure
The Onion News Network truck is currently stationed outside the Broadview ICE Detention facility just outside of Chicago.
September 6, 2025 at 5:34 PM
The Onion News Network truck is currently stationed outside the Broadview ICE Detention facility just outside of Chicago.
Reposted by Jordan LaFlure
I have sent a copy of ‘The Onion’ to every member of Congress. To spread its message to less powerful people, I have also taken out an ad in a lesser newspaper. Read my full letter here: theonion.com/why-im-sendi...
June 22, 2025 at 2:57 PM
I have sent a copy of ‘The Onion’ to every member of Congress. To spread its message to less powerful people, I have also taken out an ad in a lesser newspaper. Read my full letter here: theonion.com/why-im-sendi...
Reposted by Jordan LaFlure
EXCLUSIVE — The Onion has a full-page ad in today’s NYT featuring part of an editorial calling out congressional fecklessness towards Trump. They also sent a copy of their latest issue to every lawmaker.
My report, with an excerpt from the full editorial: www.thehandbasket.co/p/exclusive-...
My report, with an excerpt from the full editorial: www.thehandbasket.co/p/exclusive-...
June 22, 2025 at 1:32 PM
EXCLUSIVE — The Onion has a full-page ad in today’s NYT featuring part of an editorial calling out congressional fecklessness towards Trump. They also sent a copy of their latest issue to every lawmaker.
My report, with an excerpt from the full editorial: www.thehandbasket.co/p/exclusive-...
My report, with an excerpt from the full editorial: www.thehandbasket.co/p/exclusive-...
If I told you how long I've dreamed of an animated newswire on theonion.com, you'd probably believe me but we'd both be embarrassed to have discussed it.
May 2, 2025 at 2:17 PM
If I told you how long I've dreamed of an animated newswire on theonion.com, you'd probably believe me but we'd both be embarrassed to have discussed it.
Incredible to hear. I’ll say it’s less surprising to someone intimately aware of all the previous constraints but still very validating. Long live The Onion.
It isn't a surprise to me that returning to print has made the Onion significantly funnier, but it is a surprise to me how *quickly* it has done so.
April 20, 2025 at 1:04 AM
Incredible to hear. I’ll say it’s less surprising to someone intimately aware of all the previous constraints but still very validating. Long live The Onion.
Reposted by Jordan LaFlure
The Onion subscriber newsletter was nominated for a Webby Award today. The thing you get OTHER than the paper is up for an award.
Yes, I will eat the Webby if we win. Stop asking. I like how they taste. It is not unusual. It's regular behavior.
vote.webbyawards.com/PublicVoting...
Yes, I will eat the Webby if we win. Stop asking. I like how they taste. It is not unusual. It's regular behavior.
vote.webbyawards.com/PublicVoting...
Vote for the best of the internet
I just voted in The Webby People's Voice Awards and checked my voter registration.
vote.webbyawards.com
April 1, 2025 at 3:27 PM
The Onion subscriber newsletter was nominated for a Webby Award today. The thing you get OTHER than the paper is up for an award.
Yes, I will eat the Webby if we win. Stop asking. I like how they taste. It is not unusual. It's regular behavior.
vote.webbyawards.com/PublicVoting...
Yes, I will eat the Webby if we win. Stop asking. I like how they taste. It is not unusual. It's regular behavior.
vote.webbyawards.com/PublicVoting...
Long live The Onion.
GREAT news everyone!
The Onion is hiring! For a bunch of new positions.
Sports Editor (yes, we're bringing it back): jobs.gusto.com/postings/the...
Entertainment Editor (going harder here too): jobs.gusto.com/postings/the...
And a Staff Writer (!): jobs.gusto.com/postings/the...
Apply or die!
The Onion is hiring! For a bunch of new positions.
Sports Editor (yes, we're bringing it back): jobs.gusto.com/postings/the...
Entertainment Editor (going harder here too): jobs.gusto.com/postings/the...
And a Staff Writer (!): jobs.gusto.com/postings/the...
Apply or die!
Careers at The Onion
jobs.gusto.com
March 25, 2025 at 10:31 PM
Long live The Onion.
Reposted by Jordan LaFlure
Subscribe to journalism's last, desperate stand.
Join America's Finest Membership at 25% off:
membership.theonion....
Join America's Finest Membership at 25% off:
membership.theonion....
March 21, 2025 at 7:30 PM
Subscribe to journalism's last, desperate stand.
Join America's Finest Membership at 25% off:
membership.theonion....
Join America's Finest Membership at 25% off:
membership.theonion....
Reposted by Jordan LaFlure
The Onion summer writing fellowship is seeking applicants! It's six months, good salary and benefits.
This year's applicants do NOT have to complete the Eating Challenge, as it turns out this does not adhere to Illinois labor law. We apologize to those who have died in the past.
This year's applicants do NOT have to complete the Eating Challenge, as it turns out this does not adhere to Illinois labor law. We apologize to those who have died in the past.
Writing Fellowship, Summer 2025 at The Onion
jobs.gusto.com
March 17, 2025 at 6:12 PM
The Onion summer writing fellowship is seeking applicants! It's six months, good salary and benefits.
This year's applicants do NOT have to complete the Eating Challenge, as it turns out this does not adhere to Illinois labor law. We apologize to those who have died in the past.
This year's applicants do NOT have to complete the Eating Challenge, as it turns out this does not adhere to Illinois labor law. We apologize to those who have died in the past.
Reposted by Jordan LaFlure
Supporters Praise Trump For Upholding Traditional American Value Of Supporting Murderous Dictators For Political Gain
February 28, 2025 at 7:30 PM
Supporters Praise Trump For Upholding Traditional American Value Of Supporting Murderous Dictators For Political Gain
Reposted by Jordan LaFlure
The Papua New Guinea Courier is in rare form.
February 6, 2025 at 12:31 PM
The Papua New Guinea Courier is in rare form.
Reposted by Jordan LaFlure
Think Tank Called ‘The Himmler Institute’ Assures Nation This All Legal
theonion.com/think-t...
theonion.com/think-t...
February 3, 2025 at 9:35 PM
Think Tank Called ‘The Himmler Institute’ Assures Nation This All Legal
theonion.com/think-t...
theonion.com/think-t...
Reposted by Jordan LaFlure
America’s most influential newspapers are now not only useless but deceptive, laundering the toxicity and greed of the plutocrats who have purchased the government
Still some good arts coverage tho
Still some good arts coverage tho
December 18, 2024 at 10:24 PM
America’s most influential newspapers are now not only useless but deceptive, laundering the toxicity and greed of the plutocrats who have purchased the government
Still some good arts coverage tho
Still some good arts coverage tho
This dude disgusts me.
Bloated Man Recalls Halcyon Days Of 7 Oreos Ago
theonion.com/bloated-man-...
theonion.com/bloated-man-...
December 16, 2024 at 9:21 PM
This dude disgusts me.
Reposted by Jordan LaFlure
Hi guys! Important note!
If you want to get the Christmas Edition of The Onion before Christmas, please sign up by tomorrow at noon! Our 25% off sale ends then!
This month's issue includes 16 extra pages of Onion wrapping paper. Including... this guy.
Subscribe here: membership.theonion.com
If you want to get the Christmas Edition of The Onion before Christmas, please sign up by tomorrow at noon! Our 25% off sale ends then!
This month's issue includes 16 extra pages of Onion wrapping paper. Including... this guy.
Subscribe here: membership.theonion.com
December 4, 2024 at 9:39 PM
Hi guys! Important note!
If you want to get the Christmas Edition of The Onion before Christmas, please sign up by tomorrow at noon! Our 25% off sale ends then!
This month's issue includes 16 extra pages of Onion wrapping paper. Including... this guy.
Subscribe here: membership.theonion.com
If you want to get the Christmas Edition of The Onion before Christmas, please sign up by tomorrow at noon! Our 25% off sale ends then!
This month's issue includes 16 extra pages of Onion wrapping paper. Including... this guy.
Subscribe here: membership.theonion.com
Reposted by Jordan LaFlure
Trump Boys Get Weird Feeling After Uncle Elon Shows Them Busty Anime Cat Girl
theonion.com/trump-boys-g...
theonion.com/trump-boys-g...
November 21, 2024 at 6:59 PM
Trump Boys Get Weird Feeling After Uncle Elon Shows Them Busty Anime Cat Girl
theonion.com/trump-boys-g...
theonion.com/trump-boys-g...