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J¡m Vaughn

@jiminyspigot.bsky.social

2.4K followers 1.3K following 10K posts

AS SEEN ON THE INTERNET!!! Whirled famous, editorially codependent writer of silly things. Too normal for the weirdos; too weird for the normies. STL based for better or worse. He/him. (jiminyspigot just about everywhere)

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J¡m Vaughn @jiminyspigot.bsky.social · Feb 12

Not a single reporter at the Superbowl asked any of the Eagles why they didn't fly the Fellowship to Mordor.

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J¡m Vaughn @jiminyspigot.bsky.social · 1h

My boss is this way. Went on some big rant one time when I brought some veggies burgers to his BBQ for my kid to eat. He thinks they should "come up with their own names" and shouldn't bother replicating meat at all. It's a spurious way to punish alternative lifestyles

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J¡m Vaughn @jiminyspigot.bsky.social · 2h

Gotta rep a local cryptid.

Momo the Monster - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

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J¡m Vaughn @jiminyspigot.bsky.social · 11h

Oh, a birthday?

HAPPEE BIRFDAE!!!

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Reposted by J¡m Vaughn

AnnaMolly @anna-molly.bsky.social · 13h

This is about me

J¡m Vaughn @jiminyspigot.bsky.social · 13h

When threatened, this snake will forcefully expel air from its cloaca to produce a loud click.

In a lab, scientists noted that in some instances, it would fart so hard it lifted itself off the ground.

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J¡m Vaughn @jiminyspigot.bsky.social · 13h

Is this an effective deterrent to predation? It probably depends on the level of kink involved.

Rating: 3/10 for denying it

J¡m Vaughn @jiminyspigot.bsky.social · 13h

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J¡m Vaughn @jiminyspigot.bsky.social · 13h

Well, it’s not quite farting, per se, but a bodily function scientists refer to as “anal popping.” You can’t lead with anal popping, though. People will click away, even if it is a synonym for booty clapping.

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J¡m Vaughn @jiminyspigot.bsky.social · 13h

jiminy's animal reviews: This is a Chihuahuan hook-nosed snake (𝘎𝘺𝘢𝘭𝘰𝘱𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘤𝘢𝘯𝘶𝘮), and it is unassuming at first glance. A nocturnal snake found in the Southern US through Mexico, they grow to about a foot long (28cm), and eat lots of spiders. Normal snake stuff. But they have a superpower: farting!

A small snake layed across rocky desert ground. It is soft white underneath, and tan with a pattern of brown markings down it's back. It has small beady black eyes, a black tongue, and a small bump on the end of it's nose.

"chihuahuan hook-nosed snake, naricilla chihuahuense, western hooknose snake" by highsinger is licensed under CC BY 4.0. To view a copy of this license, visit http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/?ref=openverse.

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J¡m Vaughn @jiminyspigot.bsky.social · 13h

Never been bitten, but I've heard it's bad.

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J¡m Vaughn @jiminyspigot.bsky.social · 14h

They're in the same order, Hemiptera, so somewhat related. But they have a knife for a mouth and will use it, so I'm not sure if they have any olfactory based defenses.

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J¡m Vaughn @jiminyspigot.bsky.social · 14h

Go to your room.

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J¡m Vaughn @jiminyspigot.bsky.social · 14h

Today's new friend: this North American Wheel Bug (𝘈𝘳𝘪𝘭𝘶𝘴 𝘤𝘳𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘵𝘶𝘴).

An inch and a half long wheelbug: it is dark Grey with patches of black, has long slender legs and antennae, a sharp proboscis for puncturing folded up under it's head, and a spiky dome shaped growth for protection on it's dorsum.

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J¡m Vaughn @jiminyspigot.bsky.social · 14h

Pitchfork rejected my submission, "𝘐𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘍𝘰𝘹𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘦: 𝘍𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘖𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘤 𝘈𝘯𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘚𝘰𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘈𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘉𝘪𝘨 𝘈𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘴, 𝘍𝘰𝘹𝘺 𝘚𝘩𝘢𝘻𝘢𝘮 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘎𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯'𝘴 𝘘𝘶𝘦𝘦𝘯."

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J¡m Vaughn @jiminyspigot.bsky.social · 19h

Dudes be like, "My doctor kept telling me things I didn't want to hear, so now I take medical advice from an online chiropractor who sells a line of supplements called BEEF WARRIOR!!!"

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J¡m Vaughn @jiminyspigot.bsky.social · 21h

Would it behoove me to hire you?

J¡m Vaughn @jiminyspigot.bsky.social · 21h

Oh, shit, it was right there in front of me! Well played.

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J¡m Vaughn @jiminyspigot.bsky.social · 21h

The more unkempt the better.

J¡m Vaughn @jiminyspigot.bsky.social · 21h

I don't 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥 validation from social media.

I can quit anytime I want.

J¡m Vaughn @jiminyspigot.bsky.social · 21h

I prefer my Joes sloppy.

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J¡m Vaughn @jiminyspigot.bsky.social · 21h

@stellagarp.bsky.social wanna go see a movie?

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Reposted by J¡m Vaughn

Luke Herrine @lookheron.bsky.social · 22h

Just want to make some deals, Mr President

Debt Collective 🟥 @debtcollective.bsky.social · 22h

Now: Debt Collective Raises Hand to Purchase Chunk of Federal Government Student Debt Portfolio

The Debt Collective has purchased billions in household debt over the past decade

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Today, after a new POLITICO report that the Trump administration is “exploring options to sell off parts of the federal government’s $1.6 trillion student loan portfolio to the private market,” the Debt Collective is announcing its willingness to purchase the entire portfolio for its true market value. The Debt Collective will then subsequently cancel the debt.

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Reposted by J¡m Vaughn

Ian Fortified with Sexy (but spooky) Vitamins @ianfortey.bsky.social · 21h

Oh man, Stephen Miller's wife and I have almost the same phone number and he accidentally sent me a sext:

Can't wait to blast you thorax with my acrid crypt mud, pookie. I smelled some sour milk earlier and my groin proboscis unfurled half way. Going to lube it with orphan tears and plow your tract

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J¡m Vaughn @jiminyspigot.bsky.social · 23h

Hegseth: "Yo fam, no more fatties or sissies in the army."

NYT: "Wow, such nuance."

Reposted by J¡m Vaughn

the corgi from cowboy bebop @realqrampage.fightins.online · 1d

FYI there are a ton of DHS vehicles in Old City right now, be careful out there Philly

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J¡m Vaughn @jiminyspigot.bsky.social · 1d

Goooood morning, Bluesky! Today's episode is brought to you by Rite Aid. Don't miss our going out of business sale. All opioids must go!

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