Kittybard
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kittybard.bsky.social
Kittybard
@kittybard.bsky.social
270 followers 310 following 1.2K posts
Neurospicy, ace, writing NB/queer + disabled fantasy (Pen name TBA Soon:tm:)

Chronic illness is a full-time job + I can't count, but have Applied Mathemagics/Stats degree

Prefer no 3rd person pronouns OR ze|zir|zem/zeir/zeirself (they/them/themself okay)
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kittybard.bsky.social
A little more feline joy

Justify is playing in his tunnel a bunch tonight

It is very challenging to get non-blurry pics of Justify because he wobbles so much
Orange tabby and white cat laying upside down in a tri-directiinal tunnel against wood flooring. He is flailing, and his tail is blurry. Justify has his paws stuck through the central hole and is peering up at me, waiting for me to continue playing with him Orange and white tabby doing a heckin' stretch through his tri-directional tunnel set on a wooden floor Justify just wiggled the tunnel so his face is no longer visible, but his blurry toesies are streeeeeetched out too Orange and white tabby again laying on his back, now peering up at his human from where he's laying, upside down within his tunnel. This time, a star-shaped dangly toy is visible He frequently looks bewildered or shocked, and happens to be wearing a cute variant of said expressions, and his paws are tucked up cutely You cannot possibly say no when this face demands cuddle and play time
February 14, 2026 at 1:05 AM
kittybard.bsky.social
Solidarity, and two recent pics of Pharoah
Aka Mr. Pineapple Upside-Down Cat
Aka Mr. Purr Sir
Aka Monsieur Le Chat
Aka Senor El Gato
Aka Monsieur El Gato
Aka Mr. Lorge and In Chorge
Aka Deep Tissue Massage Cat
Aka Mr. Tummachus
Aka Incredibly Lorge and Incredibly Close
Aka Lorge One
Image of an orange tabby with white spotting poking his head out of a gray cat tree cube against greige carpetted floors. He has just woken up from his nap. Notably, Pharoah's head appears upside-down, because his back had been facing the opening before he poked his head out. He looks mild-to-moderately concerned and has just 'mrrrped' at me (likely because I'd not yet delivered his due in head skritches) An orange tabby and white cat sitting on a dark blue blanket, slightly backlit, against a greige room with a shelf, two lit windows with closed blinds, and a ceiling fan. He's sitting on top of my side, 'helping' me wake up before my alarm so I'll refresh the water bowl plus put down fresh food. Justify tends to fixate on the food, but Pharoah is a water snob...who *also* routinely washes his paws in the water bowl :P Anywho, Pharoah has been doing a shuffling sort of kneading while standing on me, ostensibly providing deep tissue massage while advancing his other plots (e.g. previously-mentioned water refresh, acquiring an extra portion of languid post-breakfast-pre-meds-kicking-in morning cuddles, etc.)
February 13, 2026 at 5:56 PM
kittybard.bsky.social
The quoted interaction reminds me of this Xkcd comic in the best kind of way

Congrats on being one of the lucky ones! And thank you to *everyone* who writes solid alt text!
Xkcd 1053, a text-heavy two panel comic Panel 1: Box 1: I try not to make fun of people for admitting they don't know things. Box 2: Because for each thing "everyone knows" by the time they're adults, every day there are, on average, 10,000 people in the US hearing about it for the first time. Image displays artist showing their work Fraction of people who have heard it at birth = 0% Fraction of people who have heard of it by 30 approximately 100% US birth rate is approximately 4,000,000 per year Number hearing about it for the first time is approximately 10,000 per day Panel 2: Box 1: If I make fun of people, I train them not to tell me when they have those moments. And I miss out on the fun. Image: Two stick figures talking. Person 1 is standing still, Person 2 has started walking as if to lead P1 on an adventure Dialogue: Person 1: "Diet Coke and Mentos thing"? What's that? Person 2: Oh man! Come on, we're going to the grocery store. P1: Why? P2: You're one of today's lucky 10,000. Bonus: As I was writing this alt text, it occurred to me that XKCD's artist is correctly observing one sig fig throughout their calculations, and that made me smile anew
January 23, 2026 at 2:36 PM
kittybard.bsky.social
That just reminded me of this comic which I stumbled across and shared with my friend groups a while back

It's annoying how helpful these reminders can actually be XD
6-panel comic set suggesting solutions to help you feel better when you're in a certain kind of mental funk, illustrated using a cute raccoon Panel 1: Text: When you feel like everyone hates you Image: Scared raccoon surrounded by judgemental pairs of yellow eyes against a purple backdrop Panel 2: Text: Sleep. Image: The previously-scared raccoon has curled up into a little ball for a nap Panel 3: Text: When you feel like you hate everyone Image: Very angry/grumpy raccoon shouting obscenities against a red backdrop Panel 4: Text: Eat. Image: The grumpy/angry raccoon has settled down and is now contentedly munching on a strawberry Panel 5: Text: When you feel like you hate yourself Image: Our raccoon friend is now positioned like an upset human, sitting up on the ground with hind legs crossed, leaning forward, and sheltering their face with crossed forelegs. The raccoon sits against a purple backdrop Panel 6: Text: Shower. Image: Our dear raccoon friend has acquired a pink bar of soap. Having located an adequately-clean puddle, they are now scrubbing their paws clean; the rest of theit body will follow shortly Comic panels signed 'redgoldsparks'
January 20, 2026 at 3:54 PM
kittybard.bsky.social
If you see this, I IMPLORE you to post a picture from whatever device you're using with no explanation

(Comic by @chazhutton.com )
Title: Wombat Architecture Critics A gray, cubical building (one that likely resembles some workplace you have nightmares about, except this building has windows) sits against a white background Two brown wombats (lower right) are looking at the building. The left one says "Well that looks like shit" Notably, wombats produce cube-shaped poop, which they stack like little blocks to mark their territory. (Iirc wombats in captivity don't tend to have such cubical poops, suggesting it's something environmental or dietary which influences their bowel)
November 28, 2025 at 7:06 PM
kittybard.bsky.social
A much closer pic featuring Justify and one of the derpy faces he often makes. The background is a lighter blue blanket plus stack of gray pet blankets and some closed window blinds. He looks either sleepy or half-stoned, mouth gapped open a bit. This pic shows his nose shape less clearly though does showcase a bruised nose, which is a bit of a life hazard for a wobblecat like Justify (iirc he'd tripped while jumping off the sofa and face-planted).
November 14, 2025 at 7:41 PM
kittybard.bsky.social
Justify once more, but in a different location! Now he's sitting on a multicolored blanket on a very dark blue sofa. Justify was originally sitting up facing me, but kinda slumped and curled over as he leaned into my head skritches, giving us yet another look at his odd nose shape.
November 14, 2025 at 7:40 PM
kittybard.bsky.social
Another image of the same cat as before, laying on dark blue bedding once more. This time the image is sharply angled, with the upper left corner pointed 'upwards'. Justify folded up oddly, with all of his feet pointing towards the lower right corner. His head is in profile, facing the upper right corner. His odd nose shape is more visible here, with how his white and orange fur contrasts against the blanket.
November 14, 2025 at 7:39 PM
kittybard.bsky.social
Your Axl's nose shape is more pronounced than Justify's, but he's the first cat whose nose reminds me of Justify's!

(Have to post images one by one I guess, Bluesky's having a bitmap crisis of some sort?)
Justify, an orange tabby with extensive white spotting, giving me funny looks from an odd angle whild laying on a fluffy, dark blue blanket in bed. He's facing towards the upper left corner of the image. Only one ear is visible, and he's purring with his mouth open because of his underbite. In particular, there's a bump in his nose which is just visible in this shot, giving his nose a slightly hooked shape.
November 14, 2025 at 7:39 PM
kittybard.bsky.social
As for spare neurotransmitters and direct-unfuckeries, about all I've got happy snoozy cat pics

(And solidarity re: getting scheduled for shit; one of these days I'll get in touch with the yerterus surgeon XP)
Wobblecat Justify (orange and white tabby) snoozing on unmade bedding (dark blue sheets, dark blue blanket). He's wedged between my side (under sheet) and my body pillow (under blanket) Justify has settled back down after a leg twitch rudely awakened us both from our naps; you can almost hear him resume his not-so-gentle snoring
July 4, 2025 at 4:19 PM
kittybard.bsky.social
For context:

I originally put treats in the box (left) then covered it with the upside-down laundry basket (now-right) for an extra challenge

I did not anticipate *this* result
A similar image to that in the prior reply, but zoomed out further. Justify is still under the laundry basket (right), but now the wooden box (left) is visible (it has holes on the top and sides for them to reach toys/treats through). Justify is confused as to how his tail escaped the basket but the rest of him is still trapped
June 27, 2025 at 5:11 PM
kittybard.bsky.social
If I may offer a moment of levity in these trying times...

My dear fluffernutters often play tug-of-war with their singular, fluffy little braincell

I could tell who lost yesterday afternoon
Justify, an orange and white tabby with cerebellar hypoplasia (CH), has *somehow* managed to trap himself in an upside-down white laundry basket in our living room. He has zero idea how this possibly could have happened
June 27, 2025 at 5:04 PM
kittybard.bsky.social
Miss Jimmie's jimmies must be thoroughly rustled, huh? >.<

Here's hoping her bowels start behaving better soon <3
Pharoah, orange + white tabby, relaxing on his back on a fuzzy navy blanket. Pharoah's face is slightly out of focus, peering over to his left and waiting for skritches to resume. His forepaws, cutely tucked up, *are* in focus, and the white fur on his tummy looks incredibly soft
June 10, 2025 at 6:11 PM
kittybard.bsky.social
I stumbled across a very good comic yesterday that I think you will love
Mini-comic comprised of three parts, stacked vertically Top: On the left is a Snom, a little white worm hanging out in its translucent ice shell. The Snom has spotted an Applin! Applin is a small green dragon noodle burrowed into a mostly-red leppa berry, you can only see its eyes and tail tip poking out Middle: SNYOOM! The Snom lunges, streeeeeetching to use Bug Bite* on the now-panicking Applin! Bottom: Snom-nom-nom! The Snom is now tucked safely back in its ice shell, happily munching on the knocked-out Applin's leppa berry * We know it's Bug Bite because 1) Snom is eating Applin's berry and 2) the comic lists the damage as 2x [super effective]; if Snom used an ice move, it would do 4x super effective damage to the grass/dragon Applin Sadly I've been unable to find the original source on mobile, I will happily link as a reply if I find it later
May 18, 2025 at 7:13 PM
kittybard.bsky.social
*Checks pockets*

Only spare neurotransmitters I've got come in fluffy cat tum form atm, hopefully it helps a tad, and you're able to navigate this fuckery with minimal further suffering/angst
My resident "pineapple upside-down cat", Pharoah, sprawled mostly belly-up on a hardwood floor. He's laying next to my wooden stepstool (still edged in the glow-in-the-dark duct tape I applied in college). I describe him as an orange and white tabby, but most of his exposed fur is white in this image. Pharoah's be-sock'ed hind legs are pointing straight up in the air, while his front half twists to lay on his left shoulder, forepaws to the side as if frozen mid line dance. Pharoah is staring up at me, relaxed yet attentive, waiting for the impromptu photo shoot to conclude so pets and skritches can commence (and I promise you, he got *many* skritches)
April 16, 2025 at 3:28 PM
kittybard.bsky.social
May I offer a cute pic of Pharoah from our afternoon nap the other day?
An orange and white tabby cat (Pharoah) curled up with his Favorite Human for an afternoon nap on pale mint green bedsheets. The angle and composition make it look like he's taking a selfie. Pharoah's laying on his side, forehead preferentially smooshed against my left arm. His left foreleg is stretched out above my phone to expose both 1. vast tracts of fluffy white belly and 2. a peek of two toebeans on his other forepaw. He's waiting for me to resume the good neck sckritches, while his tongue covertly attempts to flee the zip code.
April 11, 2025 at 12:09 PM
kittybard.bsky.social
If I do spring for a professionally-done style at some point, I'm basically going in with pics of my Monster Hunter Wilds character and saying this is what I want

I'm also tempted to go for a similar color profile, sans the sideburns + eyebrows
Three-quarters-ish (right side) portrait-style screenshot of K.T.Bard from the Monster Hunter Wilds character creator Their hair is purple-pink near their scalp and fades to a dark cotton candy color in the longer portions, all of which are swept to their right. The back and left sides of their head have close-cropped hair, and they've taken the time to dye their sideburns and eyebrows the same shade of pink as their roots They are fairly pale with light greenish-blue eyes and have several scars on their face, including a large X on their right cheek. Their shirt is an off-white men's adventuring top, with burgundy lacing and a popped collar Not-quite-three-quarters (left side) portrait screenshot of K.T.Bard from the Monster Hunter Wilds character creator Their hair is purple-pink near their scalp and fades to a dark cotton candy color in the longer portions, all of which are swept to their right. The back and left sides of their head have close-cropped hair, which you can now partially see, and they've taken the time to dye their sideburns and eyebrows the same shade of pink as their roots They are fairly pale with light greenish-blue eyes and have several scars on their face, including a kinda deep scar running down across the bridge of their nose plus a shallower trio which cross their left eye. Their shirt is an off-white men's adventuring top, with burgundy lacing and a popped collar Some dunderbutt left their cursor on-screen when taking the screenshot and clearly either didn't notice or couldn't be assed to redo it
March 19, 2025 at 6:22 PM
kittybard.bsky.social
Cat tax time?

Cat tax time
Two orange + white tabby cats cuddling atop a dark blue fuzzy blanket on their humans' bed. One of said humans just woke up from a nap, snapping this pic after extricating themself. Justify (bottom, teal collar) is potato- or jellybean-shaped, his back to the camera. He is snoring and occasionally kicking his brother in his sleep. He appears to be the "little" brother. Pharoah (top, black collar) is only half-loafed and half-laying on his front, his front legs stretched far out in front of him so he can covertly knead the blanket. He looks like a very strange, fluffy pear, and is definitely the "big" brother.
March 19, 2025 at 5:45 PM
kittybard.bsky.social
Fuck

But also, I get it

Hell, restricting it to followers is still over 29k people for you, and even just a tiny fraction of that's a fuck-ton of people yelling/being exhausting

Anywho, cat tax! (Justify and Pharoah jamming their combined ~35lbs into/onto a cat bed made for maybe half that)
Two orange + white tabby cats squeezing into/onto a gray & white, donut-shaped cat bed; that's ~35 lbs of cat for a bed meant for maybe half that. Justify (left) is trying entirely too hard to look innocent, but he's also digging his paws into his brother's belly. Pharoah (right) is incredibly grumpy, his own front paws also pushing into his brother's belly, though his achy rear leg is draped over Justify's butt. Moments prior, they were grumbling and thumping their tales; their temporary sorta-ceasefire is because they are being Observed. The bed sits on a reddish-brown laminated wood floor next to a black litter mat, a black litter enclosure, and some gray honeycomb tiling.
February 18, 2025 at 3:58 PM
kittybard.bsky.social
Sounds like your new shadow has adopted you XD

She's absolutely gorgeous <3

Mine're social eaters and very much my shadows; if I'm not careful, they also follow me into the bathroom (Pharoah in particular tries to crawl into my pants or become fuzzy slippers)
Justify, an orange and white tabby cat with a blue collar, "sitting" on a pile of blankets on a dark blue couch. I am petting him, and he's curled himself around my hand such that looks more like a random pile of body parts than a cat. You can almost hear him purring his fluffy little head off Pharoah, another orange + white tabby, laying on a bed with green sheets for naptime cuddles. He's using my arm as a body pillow, and his only care in the world is that I've briefly ceased giving ear skritches in an attempt to get a non-blurry picture (note: skritches resumed immediately after this pic was taken) Justify, an orange + white tabby cat, laying along a dark blue sofa while I kneel and lean forward against it to read a book. He's using my arm as a pillow, with his paw placed by my elbow from when he requested skritches before nodding off to sleep, and his nose is wrinkled cutely as he dreams. You can almost hear his gentle snoring Pharoah, an orange + white tabby, making good on his title of Sir Tummachus, sprawled belly-up on a greige carpet. He's peering up at the camera over the front of his tummy, paws tucked up and vast tracts of belly fetchingly displayed so as to draw the attention of his Main Human when zey log off of zeir PC for the night. About 5 seconds after this was taken, he was the blissful recipient of tummy rubs and head/shoulder skritches
February 15, 2025 at 5:45 PM
kittybard.bsky.social
Finally got a fresh copy of the recipe! Rose's Crescents!

Swapping almond flour in for white flour works well, and you can substitute the sugar for a baking-compatible artificial sweetener

(Original version of recipe transcribed in alt text for ease of access + copypasta)
Rose's Crescents Ingredients: - Blanched, sliced almonds (2/3 cup; 56g) - Sugar (1/3 cup; 66g) - Unsalted butter (1 cup; 227g) - Bleached all-purpose flour (1 2/3 cups, dip + sweep method; 235g) - Salt (1/4 tsp) Topping: - Superfine sugar (1/2 cup; 100g) - Cinnamon (1/2 tsp) Pick Food Processor OR Electric Mixer Method Food Processor Method: In food processor with metal blade, process the almonds and sugar until the almonds are ground very finely. Cut the butter into a few pieces and add it with the motor running. Process until smooth and creamy. Scrape the sides of the bowl. Add the flour and sprinkle the salt on top. Pulse in just until the flour is incorporated. Electric Mixer Method: Soften the butter. Grind the almonds very finely. In a large mixing bowl, combine the almonds, butter, and sugar and beat until light and fluffy. Stir together the flour and salt and beat them into the mixture, on low speed, until incorporated For Both Methods: Scrape the dough onto a piece of plastic wrap, press it into a thick disc, wrap it tightly, and refrigerate about 2 hours or until the dough is firm. For the topping, stir together the sugar and cinnamon until uniform in color. Place 2 oven racks in the upper and lower thirds of the oven. Preheat oven to 325 F. Divide the dough into 8 portions. Work with 1 section at a time, keeping the remainder of the dough refrigerated. Knead the dough between floured hands until malleable. Pinch off a portion of the dough and roll it into a 3/4-inch round ball. On a lightly floured counter, roll each ball into a cylinder with tapered ends, about 3 inches long by 1/2 inch thick. Form each cylinder into a crescent shape and place on the cookie sheet 1 inch apart. Bake for 14 to 16 minutes or until set but not brown. For even baking, rotate the cookie sheets from top to bottom and front to back halfway through the baking period (Recipe continues) Taken from pg 57-58 of Rose's Christmas Cookies (compiled by a jewish woman, btw!) Continuation of recipe for Rose's Crescents Cool the cookies on the sheets for 10 minutes. While they are still warm, use a small, angled metal spatula or pancake turner to lift them from the sheet and dip them, 1 at a time, in the cinnamon sugar, turning gently to coat all over. Finish cooling the cookies on wire racks Store: In an airtight container at room temperature, or in the refrigerator or freezer (if chilling, seal in airtight freezer-safe bags with air removed, or airtight containers with a piece of wax paper crumpled on top) Keeps: 1 month at room temperature, 1 month refrigerated, or several months frozen Smart Cookie (tips): - Superfine sugar can be prepared easily in a food processor by processing granulated sugar for a few minutes or until it is as fine as sand. This produces a finer, more pleasant topping for the cookies. - Allow the cookie sheet(s) to cool completely before using for the next batch - Distribute the cookies evenly around the cookie sheet. Avoid crowding the cookies into one section of the cookie sheet, leaving a large area bare Taken from pages 57-58 of Rose's Christmas Cookies (compiled by a jewish woman, btw!) Image of a recipe book page featuring Rose's Crescents. A black wire dish filled with ~1.5 dozen cookies sits on a festively-cluttered surface, a gold-edged red ribbon draped tastefully across them The cookies are pale, gentle crescent shapes, coated with cinnamon sugar, and look incredibly delicious Note: if you follow my almond flour substitution, the cookies you make will likely be a bit darker Taken from page 56 of Rose's Christmas Cookies (compiled by a jewish woman btw!)
December 10, 2024 at 6:59 PM
kittybard.bsky.social
...it appears I have lost most of my drawing refs >.<

I still have a bird wing anatomy ref, which incidentally includes rough human arm/hand skeletal structure, but I can't locate any of the hand-specific ones I used to have saved
A three-part drawing reference for bird wings (part designations my own, not formally in the image) Part 1a: Color-coded comparison of human arm skeletal structure to that of a bird's wing Part 1b: Color-coded breakdown of feather types/groups within a wing, with particular emphasis on how primaries (near the wing tips) fan out when a wing is extended Part 2: More detailed feather shape/texture notes by type/group/location on wing (e.g. more rounded + fluffy, squared-off, or sharper/more rigid) Part 3: Comparison of different wing types using the color-coding from part 1b, highlighting examples of active soaring, elliptical, hovering, and high speed wing types. Also contains particular details re: alignment of secondaries and primaries relative to underlying skeletal structure
November 29, 2024 at 4:25 PM
kittybard.bsky.social
I immediately thought of this
Text: "THIS is the flavor diamond It shows you what flavor the yummy treat is" Image: A very helpful black cat sticking their tongue out and wearing an orange hard hat. They have circled the "flavor diamond" on a bottle of dish soap. Informed humans will recognize that the so-called "flavor diamond" is actually the NFPA 704 Standard System for the Identification of Hazardous Materials for Emergency Response. As a rule, we do not recommend licking or tasting things with these symbols.
November 6, 2024 at 5:05 PM
kittybard.bsky.social
And then there's my dearest dingus <3
My Dearest Dingus, dressed in denim (his "Canadian Tuxedo"), looking handsome as he looks up from chiseling his pumpkin to snark with friend #1 I rarely get pictures of him that are this good <3 So now y'all get to see it too My Dearest Dingus, holding his freshly-carved pumpkin and mimicing its silly face I must admit, I don't know the original reference, but his favorite hoodie also has this face on it
October 27, 2024 at 1:36 AM
kittybard.bsky.social
These friends recced The Locked Tomb series to me (I also strongly rec, fwiw), and they've adorned their pumpkins accordingly
Friend number one's carved pumpkin, lid lifted to catch the sun and light its face. It's a skull, specifically in the style of the Ninth House from The Locked Tomb series! Friend number two's carved pumpkin! This one is also a skull, but Gideon Nav-styled (also from The Locked Tomb series)
October 27, 2024 at 1:28 AM