WASHINGTON—Lighting up his phone night and day with their cruel taunts, a group of teenage girls reportedly convinced Vice President JD Vance to kill himself Tuesday. “Everyone I know thinks you’re so...

WASHINGTON—Looking around with despair as he searched for an open seat in the Pentagon cafeteria, U.S. Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth was reportedly forced to drink his lunch alone Wednesday.  Acco...

Pages celebrating Navajo code talkers and other minority service members were also erased.

WASHINGTON—Declaring the utter lack of alcohol in the Pentagon kitchen to be a “national emergency,” Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth reportedly deployed 3,000 troops American on a beer run Monday. “As ...

WASHINGTON—Addressing the ongoing outbreak in Texas that has infected at least 124 state residents and killed one child, Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. vowed Thursday to make measles deaths so common that they wouldn’t be upsetting anymore. “When President Trump appointed me, I pledged to desensitize Americans to preventable death by […]

WASHINGTON—With the elected officials trying their hardest not to move a muscle, reports confirmed Monday that top Democratic leaders in Congress were standing real still in hopes that the American people wouldn’t notice them. “Don’t make any sudden movements, or they’ll spot us,” Rep. Hakeem Jeffries (D-NY) said out of the corner of his mouth, […]