Lumpy Carruthers
@lumpycarruthers.bsky.social
Pessimist, yet still very naive. Existing in a speck of blue surrounded by a sea of filth.
I wasn’t paying attention and started reading this as a NYT Pitchbot post and got very confused at the lack of bursting into tears at the end.
December 25, 2025 at 6:20 PM
I wasn’t paying attention and started reading this as a NYT Pitchbot post and got very confused at the lack of bursting into tears at the end.
Is folding/disbanding one of the options? Just have the Dolphins commit euthanasia and put them out of our, er, their misery.
December 21, 2025 at 6:26 PM
Is folding/disbanding one of the options? Just have the Dolphins commit euthanasia and put them out of our, er, their misery.
Butt Puntle!
December 21, 2025 at 3:44 AM
Butt Puntle!
Bubba Baxa is gone but his legend remains.
December 20, 2025 at 6:36 PM
Bubba Baxa is gone but his legend remains.
We don’t attend our own home games because the stadium is too far away from campus but we’ll go watch other teams play in cold weather 750 miles away. It’s a ‘Canes thing. You wouldn’t understand. You wouldn’t want to understand. I’m a ‘Cane and I wish I didn’t understand.
December 7, 2025 at 3:54 AM
We don’t attend our own home games because the stadium is too far away from campus but we’ll go watch other teams play in cold weather 750 miles away. It’s a ‘Canes thing. You wouldn’t understand. You wouldn’t want to understand. I’m a ‘Cane and I wish I didn’t understand.
The Miami meltdown when Manny Diaz gets a basketball school into the playoff in Year Two while his replacement finds new ways to not make the ACCCG would be… hell, I’m a Miami fan and I still want to see the mass spontaneous combustion. Worth it. Would be absolutely worth the shame & embarrassment.
December 7, 2025 at 3:51 AM
The Miami meltdown when Manny Diaz gets a basketball school into the playoff in Year Two while his replacement finds new ways to not make the ACCCG would be… hell, I’m a Miami fan and I still want to see the mass spontaneous combustion. Worth it. Would be absolutely worth the shame & embarrassment.
Ooooh.
Breadstick mascot.
Breadstick mascot.
December 6, 2025 at 3:57 PM
Ooooh.
Breadstick mascot.
Breadstick mascot.
The Big Bang Theory now takes place in Morocco.
“Of all the theoretical laboratories in all the universities in all the world, she walks into mine.”
“As Time Goes By” to be replaced by “Soft Kitty”.
“Of all the theoretical laboratories in all the universities in all the world, she walks into mine.”
“As Time Goes By” to be replaced by “Soft Kitty”.
December 6, 2025 at 8:38 AM
The Big Bang Theory now takes place in Morocco.
“Of all the theoretical laboratories in all the universities in all the world, she walks into mine.”
“As Time Goes By” to be replaced by “Soft Kitty”.
“Of all the theoretical laboratories in all the universities in all the world, she walks into mine.”
“As Time Goes By” to be replaced by “Soft Kitty”.
Animated K-Pop version of the La Marseillaise scene.
December 6, 2025 at 8:38 AM
Animated K-Pop version of the La Marseillaise scene.
I never thought my capacity to cope via gallows humor would be exhausted, but I think we're just about at the limit.
December 5, 2025 at 6:23 PM
I never thought my capacity to cope via gallows humor would be exhausted, but I think we're just about at the limit.
He assumes that "Peh-lay" was one of the all-time greats. Surprised he didn't say we're hearing more and more about "Peh-lay", along with Frederick Douglass (underrated winger, FWIW).
December 5, 2025 at 5:58 PM
He assumes that "Peh-lay" was one of the all-time greats. Surprised he didn't say we're hearing more and more about "Peh-lay", along with Frederick Douglass (underrated winger, FWIW).
This is Eric Gregg 1997 NLCS erasure.
December 5, 2025 at 2:56 PM
This is Eric Gregg 1997 NLCS erasure.
Kristi Noem has never been so inspired to attend a soccer game in her life before this announcement.
December 5, 2025 at 2:55 PM
Kristi Noem has never been so inspired to attend a soccer game in her life before this announcement.
You misspelled "tragedy".
December 4, 2025 at 3:38 PM
You misspelled "tragedy".
Not to mention half-Venezuelan, half-Somalian.
December 4, 2025 at 3:33 PM
Not to mention half-Venezuelan, half-Somalian.
On one end of the spectrum, there's Joseph Heller, "Catch-22", and Major Major Major Major, whom you can only go in and see when he's not there.
Then there's the other end of the spectrum.
And then, far beyond the other end of the spectrum, there's this mindless, babbling rhetoric from Olivia Nuzzi.
Then there's the other end of the spectrum.
And then, far beyond the other end of the spectrum, there's this mindless, babbling rhetoric from Olivia Nuzzi.
December 3, 2025 at 7:50 PM
On one end of the spectrum, there's Joseph Heller, "Catch-22", and Major Major Major Major, whom you can only go in and see when he's not there.
Then there's the other end of the spectrum.
And then, far beyond the other end of the spectrum, there's this mindless, babbling rhetoric from Olivia Nuzzi.
Then there's the other end of the spectrum.
And then, far beyond the other end of the spectrum, there's this mindless, babbling rhetoric from Olivia Nuzzi.
Beto O’Rourke had a couple of “moral victories” and a fat lot of good that did. There are no moral victories. Only losses.
December 3, 2025 at 2:24 PM
Beto O’Rourke had a couple of “moral victories” and a fat lot of good that did. There are no moral victories. Only losses.
No meteors crashed into the United States of God Bless America this year and that's only because of you, Sir, only because of you. Under Sleepy Joe, meteors were crashing into this holy land every three hours! *wipes tears from eyes*
December 2, 2025 at 7:00 PM
No meteors crashed into the United States of God Bless America this year and that's only because of you, Sir, only because of you. Under Sleepy Joe, meteors were crashing into this holy land every three hours! *wipes tears from eyes*
The obsession with "thank you" that these assholes who have never shown anyone or anything a moment of grace in their lives is mindboggling.
December 2, 2025 at 5:37 PM
The obsession with "thank you" that these assholes who have never shown anyone or anything a moment of grace in their lives is mindboggling.
Well, he's getting an equivalent on Friday from the head of FIFA who looks more and more like Richard Kiel in the "To Serve Man" episode with each passing day, as if the shame he should be feeling is just bunching up in his forehead....
December 2, 2025 at 5:18 PM
Well, he's getting an equivalent on Friday from the head of FIFA who looks more and more like Richard Kiel in the "To Serve Man" episode with each passing day, as if the shame he should be feeling is just bunching up in his forehead....
If the diner is in NE Ohio, it might be more Leroy than Gene.
December 2, 2025 at 5:08 PM
If the diner is in NE Ohio, it might be more Leroy than Gene.
Bialystock and Bloom. "You now own an 800 percent reduction in Valtrex." (rubber stamp)
It's as if Milo Minderbinder was a moron.
It's as if Milo Minderbinder was a moron.
December 2, 2025 at 5:06 PM
Bialystock and Bloom. "You now own an 800 percent reduction in Valtrex." (rubber stamp)
It's as if Milo Minderbinder was a moron.
It's as if Milo Minderbinder was a moron.
The Miami fanbase meltdown if Duke wins next week and MANNY DIAZ sees the playoffs while Mario fumbles his way to another Pop-Tarts Bowl loss will be unprecedented.
November 30, 2025 at 3:47 AM
The Miami fanbase meltdown if Duke wins next week and MANNY DIAZ sees the playoffs while Mario fumbles his way to another Pop-Tarts Bowl loss will be unprecedented.
High school classmate got a job in Pittsburgh, fell in love with and married a Pittsburgh native/Pitt grad. Maybe it’s him. Love hath no conscience, after all, and acquiescing at least a little bit to your wife’s allegiances can’t hurt!
(I’m lucky in this regard - my wife went to Oberlin. Hail 766!)
(I’m lucky in this regard - my wife went to Oberlin. Hail 766!)
November 29, 2025 at 6:36 PM
High school classmate got a job in Pittsburgh, fell in love with and married a Pittsburgh native/Pitt grad. Maybe it’s him. Love hath no conscience, after all, and acquiescing at least a little bit to your wife’s allegiances can’t hurt!
(I’m lucky in this regard - my wife went to Oberlin. Hail 766!)
(I’m lucky in this regard - my wife went to Oberlin. Hail 766!)
As someone who spent his first 34 years in Miami, this is correct.
November 29, 2025 at 3:44 PM
As someone who spent his first 34 years in Miami, this is correct.