Jet lag is a bitch, and so am I.

I'm peeing in Tokyo.

lorazepam would be a beautiful name for a girl

And don't forget to hydrate while the world crumbles around you

Cheese Garden

Doctor: "You have acute angina."
Me: *blushes*

I...didn't know Arizona iced tea isn't from Arizona, and now I'm sad.

I love blasphemy

I'm not looking for constructive criticism. I'm looking for destructive criticism. Tear me down, daddy.

shoutout to sluts 🙏

Whenever a guy makes the offer to be "friends with benefits", I always ask if by "benefits" he means medical and dental insurance, two weeks paid vacation, sick leave, and a 401(k) contribution.

"I shall walk along the street...
Do I dare to eat raw meat...?"

- From TS Eliot's folder of rejected Prufrock ideas

oh fuck I liked the live action one piece does that mean I have to watch the anime?