not everything you love in your teenage years holds up but Green Day was cooking with American Idiot

Someone knocked on my door, really irate, and said my dog had been chasing someone on a bicycle. I said don't be ridiculous, my dog can't ride a bicycle. He doesn't even own one.

*taps the alt text*

just met a weiner dog named beef so not EVERYTHING is awful just most things

Microdosing hell by living in America

A reminder, should you need one, that #BlueMonday is a complete fallacy and nothing more than a bullshit marketing racket designed to make you book a holiday. I promise you that tomorrow will be just as shit as today is.

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Ironically, most penguins aren't aware that today is Penguin Awareness Day and they think it's just a regular Monday. The reason for this, of course is that they refused to adopt the new Gregorian calendar in 1582, and still adhere to the old Julian one, for tax purposes.

no, there is no Algorithm. it's 34,612 gerbils tap-dancing on a google sheet