Neil Willcox, Looking For The Other 98 Saints
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neilwillcox.bsky.social
Neil Willcox, Looking For The Other 98 Saints
@neilwillcox.bsky.social
800 followers 340 following 6.8K posts
Poet, Writer, Jack Of All Trades
https://nightofthehats.blogspot.com/
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neilwillcox.bsky.social
Monster Of The Week 309 is ComputerFroze, yeahs we've done this one before (#62), still the greatest monster of the list, apparently it's our fault, trying to do too much at once, can't keep up.
A wide blue screen with Getting Windows ready Don't turn off your computer written on it in white. Above are two eyes, and the white dots indicated the computer is busy in the place where an downturned mouth might be
February 10, 2026 at 8:44 AM
neilwillcox.bsky.social
Canonically the first appearance of toast in James Bond is in Ian Fleming's 007 In New York, written as an apology after he slated New York in a travel column.
Recipe for Scrambled Eggs 'James Bond' From 007 In New York 12 fresh eggs Salt and pepper 5-6 oz. of fresh butter Break the eggs into a bowl. Beat thoroughly with a fork and season well. In a small copper (or heavy-bottomed saucepan) melt four oz. of the butter. When melted, pour in the eggs and cook over a very low heat, whisking continuously with a small egg whisk. While the eggs are slightly more moist than you would wish for eating, remove pan from heat, add rest of butter and continue whisking for half a minute, adding the while finely chopped chives or fine herbs. Serve on hot buttered toast in individual copper dishes (for appearance only) with pink champagne (Taittinger) and low music.
February 8, 2026 at 10:53 PM
neilwillcox.bsky.social
Monster Of The Week 308 is Purseon, it's like a purse that's also a person, probably carrying everything they need for the day, maybe the night too.
A clutch purse that is also a person, with a human head, arm and legs emerging from a torso sized purse or handbag
February 3, 2026 at 8:40 AM
neilwillcox.bsky.social
I guess we doin Jucikas now
Two crudely drawn machines and conveyer belts one atop the other. In the top one a row of red triangles has been interrupted by Hungarian comic strip character Jucika asleep on a conveyer belt and a figure has picked her up and is saying "A Jucika?? In the triangle factory?? how queer!! I've never seen such a thing - I must inquire about this further with my supervisor post-haste!! In the lower one a figure has left Jucika on the belt and is saying "I guess we doin Jucikas now"
January 31, 2026 at 3:58 PM
neilwillcox.bsky.social
Well
A flag with a black cross on a white background labelled X and STOP CARRYING OUT YOUR INTENTIONS
January 30, 2026 at 8:03 PM
neilwillcox.bsky.social
It's still #goblinweek and that means there's time for a postcard story about goblin heaven
The gods ignore goblins, and when they do not ignore them they despise them. In return the goblins ignore the gods, except when they could not. When a stray thunderbolt destroyed the village of Goblynmyre the goblins could no longer ignore them. So Captain Rustcomb put on his helmet and gave a speech. The gods had gone too far. Goblins would not put up with it. He would lead goblins bold enough to lay siege to the Heaven and demand satisfaction. The goblins agreed and sent word to their kin, who sent word to their kin, and they sent word to their kin and until the goblins marched on Heaven millions strong. They sent heralds up the mountain, where the sun shone on the gleaming towers of the gods and they received no reply. Captain Rustcomb had them build ladders, stripping forests, and sent them up into the sky, towards the colourful peak of the Chromatic Gods. But as more and more goblins climbed them their weight broke, stranding the goblins on the slope where they made camp. So Captain Rustcomb had the goblin miners to dig tunnels into the mountain of heaven, to undermine the walls of the chiaroscuro peak of the Anachromatic Gods. No matter how deep they delved the goblins could not get close, and the deeper they dug, the larger the camps, forming new villages underground. At last Captain Rustcomb had the goblin engineers build great catapults and shot goblins up towards the third peak of Heaven, the one that we do not talk about. But when they opened their parachutes they were blown off course to join the camps of ladderers on the slopes. In exhaustion Captain Rustcomb sent forth the heralds again, to ask the gods for a truce. But when they arrived at the gates after the arduous climb they received no answer. A new age of the world had begun and the Titanomachy started. Gods and monsters had left Heaven and now stalked the world, fighting for their manifold causes. That is why if you travel to the peaks of Heaven, you will find no gods, but many, many goblins.
January 30, 2026 at 10:26 AM
neilwillcox.bsky.social
It's #goblinweek and Goblin Winter has been over so long, you probably think I made it up
The first page of my story Goblin Winter, a fictional season, links to a readable version are in the next post The second page of my story Goblin Winter, a fictional season, links to a readable version are in the next post
January 29, 2026 at 9:46 AM
neilwillcox.bsky.social
Monster Of The Week 307 is BadMap, won't steer you wrong, in many ways a metaphor for modern life in that the directions do not match the terrain, recently raised their rates.
A map with both land and sea, the map having arms and legs, two eyes and a mouth
January 27, 2026 at 9:55 AM
neilwillcox.bsky.social
Bogling Week? #goblinweek
A big round flask, half full, with a cheery smile and three smaller flasks tied around it, three more flasks in the background. Captioned Monster Of The Week 30: Bogling Has d6 random potions Also has d6 exploding flasks And d6 alchemical beakers in his lair Which will boil over destroying his treasure Man this guy is a real menace
January 26, 2026 at 1:20 PM
neilwillcox.bsky.social
Dunno what you're talking about
A group of golden ruins in the foreground with darker ruins behind, a tree or perhaps a pillar covered in green, green plants growing here and there on and around the ruins Monster Of The Week 271 is LostCity, big on prehistory, even bigger on the local trap-making industry, consults, exports, builds and maintains, more like "found city," am I right?
January 25, 2026 at 11:23 PM
neilwillcox.bsky.social
12 months ago subscribers to my Patreon learned more of crime-fighting, champagne-swilling nun Sister Agnetha - some of them through the post. Now her latest adventure is free in the world
None Spoken “I regret to tell you that this plot would not survive contact with the actual church.” Sister Agnetha took a moment to inhale a mouthful from the black cigarette at the end of the holder. She put it down to pick up the manuscript again. “A vow of silence is not broken lightly, yet to save a life, or to testify when insisted by the secular authorities, an exception might be made. Though of course penance for breaking it, even with good reason, would have to be performed.” Albert Herring sighed, crossed off vow of silence on his heist improvements list. He looked about the harbourside café, the canopy keeping off the drizzle as people hurried dangerously across the wet cobbles. “I see.” “Your idea of committing a crime in a confessional booth, to hide it under the seal of the confessional… well.” She smiled. “A crime may not be a sin of course. But, strictly, to be sealed by the confessional requires sincere repentance, acts of penance and atonement and a pledge not to commit the sin again. Requirements honoured more in the breach perhaps.” Albert Herring had thought this unlikely and took a sip of his wine. “I had thought it unlikely.” “Artistic license would easily stretch to an over-enthusiastic enforcement of vows – until some church authority with wider, perhaps political, consciousness took notice.” She shook her head. “The confessional is a flight of fancy I fear.” Albert crossed another of the list. “And what of using the church to launder ill-gotten gains?” Sister Agnetha paused, then picked up her cigarette holder. “I really couldn’t comment on that Mr Herring.” She took a puff then reached for her champagne glass. She was interrupted by her phone. She glanced at the screen. “I do apologise. I will have to leave you. It seems I’m needed elsewhere.” Albert Herring got to his feet to say goodbye. “Nothing serious I hope.” “That remains to be seen. Someone has stolen the confessional booth from St Michaels – with Father Grunstad still within it.”
January 23, 2026 at 7:20 AM
neilwillcox.bsky.social
Monster Of The Week 306 is LottaQuestions, impossible to interview as they always answer a question with a question, asked me what Monster Of The Week is about, I just make monsters man, it's not that deep.
A set of question marks bundled together, the two dots of the question marks in front have eyes
January 20, 2026 at 9:46 AM
neilwillcox.bsky.social
Picture of Chatworth House captioned Spooklow Hall England's Least Haunted House With England's least haunted tea rooms and second least haunted toilets
January 16, 2026 at 2:52 PM
neilwillcox.bsky.social
Monster Of The Week 305 is Sumpleriltskin, you know his name, just a little guy who makes deals to give you an extra first born, no I don't know how it works either.
A vaguely humanoid person, round head nearly as large as round body, long thin arms and legs akimbo, wild green hair, collar and tie
January 13, 2026 at 8:25 AM
neilwillcox.bsky.social
Monster Of The Week 304 is Cognition, intelligence is not abstract but entirely rooted in the practical; hence AI must be physical too, by putting a cog on the computer, replies promptly.
A computer terminal, on the screen in green it reads i think therfore AI am? On top of the screen is a big cog
January 6, 2026 at 8:36 AM
neilwillcox.bsky.social
This was the prequel which is oddly dated later

I don't think I did any more, they're one shot comedy characters, but I have occasionally had people refer to Lord Vladimir The Abominable when listing villains
In The Service of Lord Vladimir the Abominable “When you said you had been taken into the service of Lord Vladimir the Abominable I did not envisage... this.” The Eldritch Terror, Master of the Troll Legions, waved his black armoured arm about to indicate the vast stony hall. The furniture had been piled to one end, the carpets and hangings removed and in the middle sat Talonor, his red scaly body always moving, sinewy snake frame twisting and turning in a knot. The dragon took a mouthful of water from a barrel and steam blasted the floor. “This is the modern age Terror.” The voice insinuated itself throughout the hall, reaching into every nook and cranny just as the superheated steam had just done, cleansing every piece of dirt. “War is a matter of precise movements and gunpowder, and perhaps even more fought with ideas in the hearts and minds of men. What use a dragon against a regiment of sharpshooters – or the concept of a nation?” “Still,” said the Terror, spike armoured shoulders shrugging, dark eyeholes in the helmet flashing red for a moment. “To be working as a scullery maid...” “A necessary profession and an honourable one,” hissed Talonor. “Perhaps more so than losing an entire army to an improvised force led by a young colonel of artillery.” “Yes, quite.” He remained silent for a moment as Talonor dipped his tongue in the barrel to dilute his acid venom, then proceeded to lick the chandelier clean. “I wonder if...” “As it happens, there might well be an opening in the deep dark depths of Castle Venom.” This was more like it. The Eldritch Terror imagined himself as gaoler, torturer, perhaps even guard captain. Something with a future. “There was an unfortunate accident. Somehow the under-butler was snapped in half and his lordship is in need of a new curator for his wine cellar...”
January 4, 2026 at 11:29 PM
neilwillcox.bsky.social
Only comically I'm afraid
Negotiating with the Talking Animals Workers Alliance “Our working conditions are completely unacceptable,” squeaked Gribbilor the mole. “We simply cannot carry on this way.” The Eldritch Terror shifted uncomfortably in his seat. His spiked armour was meant for violent action, shedding the blows of his enemies, not sitting in the quiet offices of the arbitrator. This was an excuse. He had dealt with mutineers before, usually by beheading, though on occasion he did negotiate. This was his first time as middle management, representing someone else. “Do you have any suggestions? Lord Vladimir the Abominable is not unreasonable.” That last sentence was not totally accurate. They were not done complaining. “The fox sets are always clogged with rubbish, while the rat warrens are kept spick and span. Carrion is left despoiling the rabbit’s vegetable fields, yet when I and my sisters fly out in search of dead flesh, juicy eyeballs or even scraps of skin, not a trace can be found.” Hraar the crow puffed herself up. The Terror looked out the window to where Talonor the dragon looked on with interest. No help there. Sitting on his other side was Hurin the Silent, a powerful force for making the other side uncomfortable, but not so good when suggestions were needed. “I do not see...” he went on. “The Talking Animals Workers Alliance has brought up these complaints time and again and nothing is ever done,” hissed Sirrocco the Serpent. “This is the first I have heard of it,” said the Terror. No that wounded weak. Inadequate. “I shall speak to the garbage pixies. I shall speak most forcefully.” The animals looked at one another. “Very well,” said Hraar.” The Terror relaxed slightly. “However there has been an increase in the number of king’s sons passing through the enchanted forest. As such, we need to discuss overtime payments...”
January 4, 2026 at 11:14 PM
neilwillcox.bsky.social
Monster Of The Week 303 is WheelOfKnives, impractical, probably illegal too, a rotating machine of slashing blades, the very incarnation of sharpness, holidays in Tuscany.
An 8 spoked wheel with a variety of blades on the outer rim, also eyes near the top
December 30, 2025 at 9:58 AM
neilwillcox.bsky.social
12 months ago patrons learned about BATTLE PIG, now non-subscribers can discover the truth!
BATTLE PIG In the CRAZY future of 1998, mankind cowers under the tyrannical rule of the alien VORTEXMUNCHERS. In the ruins of NEW LONDON they spend their days hiding in underground tunnels, emerging at night to scavenge the remnants of the fallen world. Their only hope is the ANIMAL SOLDIERS created by DOCTOR ZAX. BATTLE PIG is a strong fighter whose loyal heart and capacity for friendship is hidden by his gruff armoured exterior and brief explosions of insults. When he calls his comrades “Lower than cockroaches,” it is because he loves them so much he hopes for more; when he cries out “VORTEX eat this miserable specimens,” it is because only in combat can he express his true feelings. When his catchphrase, “Get to **** you son of a gun,” echoes out across the shattered remnants of the wrecked city, both friends and foes know that his righteous fury will be unleashed. BATTLE PIG wears the BOAR’S HEAD HELMET and strikes at his enemies with his infamous SAUSAGE GUN. At close range he fights with a matching pair of BUTCHER’S KNIVES. His archenemy is VORTLEON a hideous half-human half-alien creature who hunts him through the broken buildings of NEW LONDON, threatening to “make a bacon sandwich of you BATTLE PIG!” But no matter how hard he hunts, BATTLE PIG is always one step ahead, leaving behind traps to delay his pursuers. See BATTLE PIG’s exploits every Saturday Morning on [INSERT LOCAL TV STATION HERE] and create your own adventures with BATTLE PIG, ZOMBIE GOOSE, SCRATCHCAT, HONKING HORSE and THE GREAT EAR toys. Accessories sold separately. [Marketing copy for the 1983 children’s cartoon and toy line WARNIMALS. Master tapes of all 78 14-minute episodes were destroyed in the same warehouse fire that burned the Christmas toy supplies. As such only second hand documentation remains.]
December 26, 2025 at 7:16 AM
neilwillcox.bsky.social
Monster Of The Week 302 is MysticTower, represents the entire universe I guess, symbolism on symbolism, the multi-layered concrete analogy too complex to comprehend, can be hired by the week.
Monster Of The Week 302 is MysticTower, represents the entire universe I guess, symbolism on symbolism, the multi-layered concrete analogy too complex to comprehend, can be hired by the week.
December 23, 2025 at 8:13 AM
neilwillcox.bsky.social
The Beekeeper's Daughter is definitely bucolic, I think Voidspace In Conversation is uptempo, but maybe you should read it to make up your own mind
2025 Neil Willcox Non-Fiction Voidspace In Conversation An anthology of essays and interviews on interactive arts Co-edited with Katy Naylor Short Story The Beekeeper's Daughter Kaleidotrope Autumn 2025
December 20, 2025 at 10:26 AM
neilwillcox.bsky.social
Okay here's my year end new publication list
2025 Neil Willcox Non-Fiction Voidspace In Conversation An anthology of essays and interviews on interactive arts Co-edited with Katy Naylor Short Story The Beekeeper's Daughter Kaleidotrope Autumn 2025
December 16, 2025 at 1:25 PM
neilwillcox.bsky.social
Monster Of The Week 301 is Colossuseum, part man, part amphitheatre, all spectacle, adults only to see what's inside, starred in a number of sword and sandal films in the 50s and 60s but been replaced by CGI
A black and white picture of the Colossus Of Rhodes, a monumental statue of a man, with a crude outline of the Colosseum of Rome wrapped around his waist
December 16, 2025 at 9:19 AM
neilwillcox.bsky.social
Monster Of The Week 300 is Tricentenium, been at this a while I guess, now heading into a new century, this creature is just as popular as ever, a triangular number.
A triangular body with a triangular head, triangular legs, triangular eyes and a triangular mouth
December 9, 2025 at 9:59 AM
neilwillcox.bsky.social
Monster Of The Week 299 is InnocentMen, we're just normal men, we're just innocent men, look it up I guess, I find the monsters, if I didn't, by jingo, it would be worse than this.
A big yellow sign reading Not Guilty and in smaller letters below (Not Strange either), peeking above the sign are four heads blank but for eyes
December 2, 2025 at 9:57 AM