I was a dishwasher for like two years but I was doing it incorrectly because I did not have tattoos at the time 😞

What have you done, now those lemons will never be able to find a respectable career

"Nice argument, but I have already depicted you as the clueless McDonald's enjoyer, and myself as the surgically modified human pet owner, without my wife and children (for whatever reason, they haven't accompanied me)"

Even out of context, one of the funniest paragraphs in the English language

Space is crazy dawg what the fuck

Googled this to make sure I spelled it correctly and i didn't, so now I am not only a bad speller but I am also a Taint Witnesser

This must feel good as fuck if you're a perennium

I have seen how Neil includes people at parties, and honestly, no thank you

This is like that trick where you translate a sentence back and forth from English until it loses all meaning, but if you did that to the Emoji Movie

Found Baby Grinch's alt account! Get em boys!

Doing Holocaust denialism but for Alligator Alcatraz and the 2026 Venezuela War. We live in hell.

Yeah exactly, their delusional worldview acts as a pretense to their cruelty and also acts as a justification after

I always think back to this Hannah Arendt quote about the aftermath of WWII. The Germans who had supported the nazis tacitly saw themselves as an equal victim. I just know for the rest of my life, I'm gonna have to listen to ex-trump supporters claim they never could have known what would happen.

we’ve got to Cask of Amontillado these people

Hillary come check out my wine cellar, I have new polling data down there which says you should totally run again in 2028. bring your husband and James Carville