Not Your State Rep
@not-your-state-rep.bsky.social
I’m not your state rep. Satire account. Politically aligned with Chaos, a Hornets Nest, and the Bailey’s one drinks from Old Greg’s shoe.
Q. What state?
A. Emergency? Anxiety? Who knows.
Q. What state?
A. Emergency? Anxiety? Who knows.
Pinned
Starting this week every CEO in our state will be practicing active shooter drills.
Beginning next month it will now be impossible to opt-out of being tracked online, but that’s okay!
Every time your data is sold, you get half of the proceeds! Legally, as part of the “Sell Me Act”!
Every time your data is sold, you get half of the proceeds! Legally, as part of the “Sell Me Act”!
January 22, 2025 at 6:59 PM
Beginning next month it will now be impossible to opt-out of being tracked online, but that’s okay!
Every time your data is sold, you get half of the proceeds! Legally, as part of the “Sell Me Act”!
Every time your data is sold, you get half of the proceeds! Legally, as part of the “Sell Me Act”!
Anyone transferring to RedNote from TikTok who lives in our state can rest easy:
The State already sells all of your private, personal information to the Chinese, so that risk is moot!
Enjoy RedNote!
The State already sells all of your private, personal information to the Chinese, so that risk is moot!
Enjoy RedNote!
January 15, 2025 at 7:14 PM
Anyone transferring to RedNote from TikTok who lives in our state can rest easy:
The State already sells all of your private, personal information to the Chinese, so that risk is moot!
Enjoy RedNote!
The State already sells all of your private, personal information to the Chinese, so that risk is moot!
Enjoy RedNote!
As a reminder, solar panels are now considered garbage, please either demolish yourself to use as fertilizer or the state will pick it up to shred and deliver to a local farmer.
January 13, 2025 at 5:18 PM
As a reminder, solar panels are now considered garbage, please either demolish yourself to use as fertilizer or the state will pick it up to shred and deliver to a local farmer.
With the loss of TikTok, our state is launching a program that will provide anyone suffering from TikTok withdrawal free VPN access so you can get back to doomscrolling!
January 13, 2025 at 5:10 PM
With the loss of TikTok, our state is launching a program that will provide anyone suffering from TikTok withdrawal free VPN access so you can get back to doomscrolling!
Some poor chap mentioned the words “Public Transit” inside the capitol building today and was immediately sentenced to death.
There are signs, people.
There are signs, people.
January 12, 2025 at 3:45 PM
Some poor chap mentioned the words “Public Transit” inside the capitol building today and was immediately sentenced to death.
There are signs, people.
There are signs, people.
As states begin to rollback their green initiatives, I just want to remind people that our state has firmly stood against the environment this entire time.
January 12, 2025 at 3:42 PM
As states begin to rollback their green initiatives, I just want to remind people that our state has firmly stood against the environment this entire time.
Bastards got the “Tarantulas in the Bad Representative Box” bill passed which is exactly what it says.
Joke’s on them, I’m collecting tarantulas to sell on the grey market.
Joke’s on them, I’m collecting tarantulas to sell on the grey market.
January 11, 2025 at 2:08 AM
Bastards got the “Tarantulas in the Bad Representative Box” bill passed which is exactly what it says.
Joke’s on them, I’m collecting tarantulas to sell on the grey market.
Joke’s on them, I’m collecting tarantulas to sell on the grey market.
I’ve been locked in the “bad representative” box for inciting a riot again, but luckily they’re letting me still vote.
I voted NO on supplies for orphans, once again.
I voted NO on supplies for orphans, once again.
January 11, 2025 at 2:05 AM
I’ve been locked in the “bad representative” box for inciting a riot again, but luckily they’re letting me still vote.
I voted NO on supplies for orphans, once again.
I voted NO on supplies for orphans, once again.
I’ve been informed that we have once again lost the governor, we do apologize.
January 11, 2025 at 2:03 AM
I’ve been informed that we have once again lost the governor, we do apologize.
We’re taking notes from the brave firefighters of California, who are apparently not using their fists to fight fire.
We’re taking that into consideration.
We’re taking that into consideration.
January 11, 2025 at 2:01 AM
We’re taking notes from the brave firefighters of California, who are apparently not using their fists to fight fire.
We’re taking that into consideration.
We’re taking that into consideration.
100 followers! To celebrate, everyone that isn’t a bot that replies here will receive exactly one (1) law of their choosing!
January 9, 2025 at 3:49 PM
100 followers! To celebrate, everyone that isn’t a bot that replies here will receive exactly one (1) law of their choosing!
Reposted by Not Your State Rep
Muffled Gunshot Heard From Inside Otto The Orange Costume
January 7, 2025 at 5:09 PM
Muffled Gunshot Heard From Inside Otto The Orange Costume
Every year we allow one 5-year old to write a law that will go into effect, as a cute way to get kids interested in politics!
Last year kissing was banned (and we’ve had record arrests from it) but this year everyone gets a pony!
This will bankrupt us!
Last year kissing was banned (and we’ve had record arrests from it) but this year everyone gets a pony!
This will bankrupt us!
January 7, 2025 at 4:03 PM
Every year we allow one 5-year old to write a law that will go into effect, as a cute way to get kids interested in politics!
Last year kissing was banned (and we’ve had record arrests from it) but this year everyone gets a pony!
This will bankrupt us!
Last year kissing was banned (and we’ve had record arrests from it) but this year everyone gets a pony!
This will bankrupt us!
Our state is implementing the first Single-Payer system in the country, by handing the reigns to GoFundMe!
It’s already used by so many people, why not make it our main source?
It’s already used by so many people, why not make it our main source?
Americans spent around $4,000 on health insurance in 2023 –– that’s nearly a 20% increase since 2018. It’s appalling.
It’s time we pass Medicare for All and my bill with
@sanders.senate.gov to cancel medical debt.
It’s time we pass Medicare for All and my bill with
@sanders.senate.gov to cancel medical debt.
January 7, 2025 at 4:01 PM
Our state is implementing the first Single-Payer system in the country, by handing the reigns to GoFundMe!
It’s already used by so many people, why not make it our main source?
It’s already used by so many people, why not make it our main source?
Our state’s roads have been described as “the road equivalent of Swiss cheese”, and for the first time we’re changing that!
The “Melted Swiss Roads” bill provides funding for us to melt the existing roads down enough to fill in the gaps!
There’s no way this could possibly go wrong!
The “Melted Swiss Roads” bill provides funding for us to melt the existing roads down enough to fill in the gaps!
There’s no way this could possibly go wrong!
January 7, 2025 at 12:38 AM
Our state’s roads have been described as “the road equivalent of Swiss cheese”, and for the first time we’re changing that!
The “Melted Swiss Roads” bill provides funding for us to melt the existing roads down enough to fill in the gaps!
There’s no way this could possibly go wrong!
The “Melted Swiss Roads” bill provides funding for us to melt the existing roads down enough to fill in the gaps!
There’s no way this could possibly go wrong!
Reclassifying Chihuahuas as Rodents!
January 6, 2025 at 8:03 PM
Reclassifying Chihuahuas as Rodents!
BANNING FLAVORED OREOS
January 6, 2025 at 7:56 PM
BANNING FLAVORED OREOS
With the shopping season slowing, we’re committed to ensuring our state’s corporations maintain their record profits.
As such, we’re cancelling all extracurricular school programs to provide each citizen a $50 gift card to the store of their choice!
As such, we’re cancelling all extracurricular school programs to provide each citizen a $50 gift card to the store of their choice!
January 6, 2025 at 7:55 PM
With the shopping season slowing, we’re committed to ensuring our state’s corporations maintain their record profits.
As such, we’re cancelling all extracurricular school programs to provide each citizen a $50 gift card to the store of their choice!
As such, we’re cancelling all extracurricular school programs to provide each citizen a $50 gift card to the store of their choice!
Proud to be the only state in the nation who maintains a fleet of missile-equipped attack geese in our capital’s police force.
January 6, 2025 at 12:21 AM
Proud to be the only state in the nation who maintains a fleet of missile-equipped attack geese in our capital’s police force.
It’s getting cold outside!
You may now ignite your state-provided tire fires using your state-provided copies of Fahrenheit 451.
You may now ignite your state-provided tire fires using your state-provided copies of Fahrenheit 451.
January 6, 2025 at 12:17 AM
It’s getting cold outside!
You may now ignite your state-provided tire fires using your state-provided copies of Fahrenheit 451.
You may now ignite your state-provided tire fires using your state-provided copies of Fahrenheit 451.
The only camera that should be inside the home is your state-provided “Big Brother” system, which everyone knows is used for security and to ensure our citizens are ideal citizens!
I don't want my fridge to have a camera or Wi-Fi. I don't want my dishwasher to be smart. I don't want my washing machine to text me.
In fact, I kinda miss knobs and dials and knowing big appliances would last 20 years and could still be repaired.
In fact, I kinda miss knobs and dials and knowing big appliances would last 20 years and could still be repaired.
January 5, 2025 at 3:53 PM
The only camera that should be inside the home is your state-provided “Big Brother” system, which everyone knows is used for security and to ensure our citizens are ideal citizens!
We’ve received complaints from our small business Gym owners, who say they can’t charge surge prices! Insanity!
My “Capitalist Paradise” bill removes any such limits, and I hope to see some gym membership prices that would make a yacht club blush!
My “Capitalist Paradise” bill removes any such limits, and I hope to see some gym membership prices that would make a yacht club blush!
January 3, 2025 at 6:06 PM
We’ve received complaints from our small business Gym owners, who say they can’t charge surge prices! Insanity!
My “Capitalist Paradise” bill removes any such limits, and I hope to see some gym membership prices that would make a yacht club blush!
My “Capitalist Paradise” bill removes any such limits, and I hope to see some gym membership prices that would make a yacht club blush!
Five cats
Two dogs
Fifteen Fish
Eight Lizards
Three Tortoises
What do all of these have in common? Per each of those, you can register to “have” one (1) Human Child Dependent on your state taxes!
This requires no human children and an income under $12 annually.
Two dogs
Fifteen Fish
Eight Lizards
Three Tortoises
What do all of these have in common? Per each of those, you can register to “have” one (1) Human Child Dependent on your state taxes!
This requires no human children and an income under $12 annually.
January 3, 2025 at 5:46 PM
Five cats
Two dogs
Fifteen Fish
Eight Lizards
Three Tortoises
What do all of these have in common? Per each of those, you can register to “have” one (1) Human Child Dependent on your state taxes!
This requires no human children and an income under $12 annually.
Two dogs
Fifteen Fish
Eight Lizards
Three Tortoises
What do all of these have in common? Per each of those, you can register to “have” one (1) Human Child Dependent on your state taxes!
This requires no human children and an income under $12 annually.
I’ve been let out of rehab, thanks to the “Drugs For Representatives” bill that Reps Pink and Whitman passed this week that not only legalizes drug use for representatives, but supplies them, all on the tax payer’s dollar!
Thanks, suckers!
Thanks, suckers!
January 3, 2025 at 4:05 PM
I’ve been let out of rehab, thanks to the “Drugs For Representatives” bill that Reps Pink and Whitman passed this week that not only legalizes drug use for representatives, but supplies them, all on the tax payer’s dollar!
Thanks, suckers!
Thanks, suckers!
BANNING PAPER STRAWS
January 3, 2025 at 4:01 PM
BANNING PAPER STRAWS