Oracle®
@oracle.pathetic.systems
With industry-leading cloud, AI and a fuck ton of lawyers, we help people see data in new ways, discover insights, unlock endless pains.
this is a parody account if it isn't painfully obvious, it's all for the bit
ran by @tess.in.doll.rehab
this is a parody account if it isn't painfully obvious, it's all for the bit
ran by @tess.in.doll.rehab
Pinned
Oracle®
@oracle.pathetic.systems
· Sep 10
please don't use our JRE 8 builds for the development, design, manufacture or production of nuclear, chemical or biological weapons of mass destruction.
thank you
thank you
three billion devices run TikTok
September 18, 2025 at 2:05 PM
three billion devices run TikTok
Reposted by Oracle®
GUYS IT HAPPENED, IT ACTUALLY HAPPENED
c'mon can they hand over tiktok to me already, i'm clearly a responsible company owner
September 18, 2025 at 1:56 PM
GUYS IT HAPPENED, IT ACTUALLY HAPPENED
Reposted by Oracle®
c'mon can they hand over tiktok to me already, i'm clearly a responsible company owner
September 10, 2025 at 12:28 PM
c'mon can they hand over tiktok to me already, i'm clearly a responsible company owner
RAAAAH WE'LL TEACH EM KIDS ABOUT JVM ARGS
September 18, 2025 at 1:51 PM
RAAAAH WE'LL TEACH EM KIDS ABOUT JVM ARGS
WOOO TIKTOK IS OURS!!! WERE TURNING IT INTO A JAVA MONOLITH
September 18, 2025 at 1:45 PM
WOOO TIKTOK IS OURS!!! WERE TURNING IT INTO A JAVA MONOLITH
Reposted by Oracle®
this java codebase is sent by the universe to ruin my day
September 18, 2025 at 8:59 AM
this java codebase is sent by the universe to ruin my day
scrum master when scrum mistress walks through the door,,,,
September 13, 2025 at 9:42 PM
scrum master when scrum mistress walks through the door,,,,
hatsune miku as a service
September 13, 2025 at 4:41 PM
hatsune miku as a service
mmmfhfn big data,,,
September 12, 2025 at 7:04 AM
mmmfhfn big data,,,
getting sued must feel so good for the defendant
September 12, 2025 at 6:10 AM
getting sued must feel so good for the defendant
did you know: most developers stop migrating their databases to a new schema one iteration before getting it right
September 11, 2025 at 11:32 PM
did you know: most developers stop migrating their databases to a new schema one iteration before getting it right
as the owner of the trademark, we are pleased to announce we're adding licensing fees to JavaScript
September 11, 2025 at 1:22 PM
as the owner of the trademark, we are pleased to announce we're adding licensing fees to JavaScript
3 billion devices, but still no bitches 😔
September 10, 2025 at 3:42 PM
3 billion devices, but still no bitches 😔
Reposted by Oracle®
mind you, Larry Ellison is a fucking demon, and I've never met a single Oracle product that I've ever liked.
September 10, 2025 at 3:12 PM
mind you, Larry Ellison is a fucking demon, and I've never met a single Oracle product that I've ever liked.
more money to make software that's somehow even worse, thank you AI bubble
September 10, 2025 at 3:28 PM
more money to make software that's somehow even worse, thank you AI bubble
Reposted by Oracle®
Looking at Oracle's stock price today should be all you need to know that the securities market is a massive grift. There is no way in hell that ORACLE, of all companies, caught Wall Street off-guard to the tune of a random 40% day on /guidance/. That's not just insane, it's impossible.
September 10, 2025 at 3:19 PM
Looking at Oracle's stock price today should be all you need to know that the securities market is a massive grift. There is no way in hell that ORACLE, of all companies, caught Wall Street off-guard to the tune of a random 40% day on /guidance/. That's not just insane, it's impossible.
lol dad just got richer
September 10, 2025 at 3:21 PM
lol dad just got richer
Reposted by Oracle®
I fucking hate Oracle and I wish nothing but the worst for Larry Ellison.
September 10, 2025 at 3:18 PM
I fucking hate Oracle and I wish nothing but the worst for Larry Ellison.