really going through it tonight folks. i’m cold and tired and in pain and overwhelmed and i can’t make myself fucking eat

logged an oat flat white as a snack. girl (gn) be so for real

had a really good day yesterday and now i’m literally two steps back. i couldn’t eat my lunch and i cried over rice in the evening

anyway here’s some nice things I got to eat this week.
- butter and cream gnocchi
- bean stew with sourdough
- porridge
- porridge again

my worst days in recovery will never be as bad as my worst days during my eating disorder

I’ve spent most of this week alone so there’s no one around to tell this to. so I’m telling it here. but I don’t need others to be proud of me. I’m proud of myself today

but more importantly - I made myself a cup of tea with a splash of oat milk! I used to always have milk in my hot drinks until anorexia convinced me that calories in oat milk are too much so for months I’ve been having my tea and coffee black. this is a huge win for me

like, remember when I was a cool person with interests and a personality that didn’t just consist of a crippling fear of food? I barely do. it feels like it’s all there is to me

it’s a really difficult time. recovery isn’t a linear, tidy process and I know this, yet it feels like I’m already failing nonetheless