If you're at a concert and the singer holds the mic out and makes you sing the lyrics you should get some of your money back

For my New year resolution I’m going to work on being less condescending.

(Condescending means to talk down to other people)

Yeah I've got Havana syndrome — simply havana wonderful Christmas time

oh, the bill? do worry about paying. we got you uncovered. your money's so good here. it's off the house

like many of us who are desperate, my cat, who has never eaten once in her life, has turned to crime and now stands convicted of butter larceny

As a white woman of suburban Midwestern extraction, I feel a primal connection whenever I enter a Michael’s or similar craft store. I’m no longer practicing, but these are my ancestral traditions and rituals

most of you aren't ready for this idea at 6:30am but popeyes should sell karaage katsudon. they already have most of the necessary ingredients in their supply chain. it could be huge

what do you mean i have to go back to work

OSU-Michigan was designed in a lab to make everybody involved as miserable as possible. Years of advanced testing went into the offensive futility you’re witnessing right now

If you’re ever surprised by how clueless we, as a people, appear to be sometimes, just remember that a scant 25 years ago The Blair Witch project came out and 90% of the population was like “holy shit is this REAL?!”