Richard Burgauer
@richburgauer.bsky.social
sometimes writer of words.
occasional reader of words.
in retrospect, i expected this sky was going to be a lot bluer.
occasional reader of words.
in retrospect, i expected this sky was going to be a lot bluer.
As far as I know, these are two separate events.
October 2, 2025 at 3:22 AM
As far as I know, these are two separate events.
Reposted by Richard Burgauer
The Life of a Showgirl
August 12, 2025 at 4:37 AM
The Life of a Showgirl
Today is the thirteenth anniversary of the mmmmmmm first attempt at stand-up. Zero doesn’t multiply into anything. The pay rate is the same.
May 13, 2025 at 4:01 PM
Today is the thirteenth anniversary of the mmmmmmm first attempt at stand-up. Zero doesn’t multiply into anything. The pay rate is the same.
Reposted by Richard Burgauer
Deeper meaning now? 😎 #ChicagoPope
two men are in a car with the words " we 're on a mission from god "
Alt: two men are in a car with the words " we 're on a mission from god "
media.tenor.com
May 8, 2025 at 6:26 PM
Deeper meaning now? 😎 #ChicagoPope
The secret of most writers: “Write what you know.”
The apparent secret of major publishers & gatekeepers:
“Rite what you ‘no.’”
The apparent secret of major publishers & gatekeepers:
“Rite what you ‘no.’”
May 6, 2025 at 5:06 PM
The secret of most writers: “Write what you know.”
The apparent secret of major publishers & gatekeepers:
“Rite what you ‘no.’”
The apparent secret of major publishers & gatekeepers:
“Rite what you ‘no.’”
guy who was just taught the story of Easter learns that the Pope has died:
“Pffft. I give it ‘til Wednesday.”
“Pffft. I give it ‘til Wednesday.”
April 21, 2025 at 5:24 PM
guy who was just taught the story of Easter learns that the Pope has died:
“Pffft. I give it ‘til Wednesday.”
“Pffft. I give it ‘til Wednesday.”
rose: draw me like one of your french girls
(jack draws rose as marie antoinette being beheaded)
rose: hey what the fuck
(jack draws rose as marie antoinette being beheaded)
rose: hey what the fuck
April 14, 2025 at 1:53 PM
rose: draw me like one of your french girls
(jack draws rose as marie antoinette being beheaded)
rose: hey what the fuck
(jack draws rose as marie antoinette being beheaded)
rose: hey what the fuck
The lost episode of Tom Goes to the Mayor?
April 13, 2025 at 11:17 PM
The lost episode of Tom Goes to the Mayor?
My social media is clogged up with people posting “hot takes” and “unpopular opinions.” Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but I don’t think it’s necessary to put a label on things if you’re just going to be a pessimist.
April 12, 2025 at 4:14 PM
My social media is clogged up with people posting “hot takes” and “unpopular opinions.” Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but I don’t think it’s necessary to put a label on things if you’re just going to be a pessimist.
Just realized the song “The Joker” predates Star Wars by four years.
The very LEAST George Lucas could’ve done is give Steve Miller Band an “additional story by” credit for coming up with the idea of a “space cowboy.”
The very LEAST George Lucas could’ve done is give Steve Miller Band an “additional story by” credit for coming up with the idea of a “space cowboy.”
April 12, 2025 at 2:22 PM
Just realized the song “The Joker” predates Star Wars by four years.
The very LEAST George Lucas could’ve done is give Steve Miller Band an “additional story by” credit for coming up with the idea of a “space cowboy.”
The very LEAST George Lucas could’ve done is give Steve Miller Band an “additional story by” credit for coming up with the idea of a “space cowboy.”
Earthworms, I presume. Or is that too on the nose?
April 12, 2025 at 9:11 AM
Earthworms, I presume. Or is that too on the nose?
I only now just realized that Porky Pig is trying to say, “The end,” but because of his stutter he spits out, “Th-th-that’s all, folks!” instead.
April 5, 2025 at 7:36 PM
I only now just realized that Porky Pig is trying to say, “The end,” but because of his stutter he spits out, “Th-th-that’s all, folks!” instead.
Told by the USPS that my order of a Slurpee and two roller grill items will arrive in 7-11 business days.
April 3, 2025 at 8:22 PM
Told by the USPS that my order of a Slurpee and two roller grill items will arrive in 7-11 business days.
What’s the nationality or ethinc background of a last name like “SquarePants?”
March 26, 2025 at 10:33 PM
What’s the nationality or ethinc background of a last name like “SquarePants?”
Each of the United States have their shapes for a reason, this I know. What I don’t know is why Connecticut hasn’t surgically removed its vestigial tail.
March 23, 2025 at 6:00 PM
Each of the United States have their shapes for a reason, this I know. What I don’t know is why Connecticut hasn’t surgically removed its vestigial tail.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
“Li’l ol’ lady” is in the “whoooo” of being a yodeler.
“Li’l ol’ lady” is in the “whoooo” of being a yodeler.
March 23, 2025 at 4:54 PM
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
“Li’l ol’ lady” is in the “whoooo” of being a yodeler.
“Li’l ol’ lady” is in the “whoooo” of being a yodeler.
But he isn’t sure if Mussolini comes with the Olive Garden® promise of “Unlimited Breadsticks.”
March 18, 2025 at 5:22 AM
But he isn’t sure if Mussolini comes with the Olive Garden® promise of “Unlimited Breadsticks.”
I think I’m done becoming friends with more people named “Lauren.” It has just gotten exhausting.
March 16, 2025 at 2:17 AM
I think I’m done becoming friends with more people named “Lauren.” It has just gotten exhausting.
“I remember when SNL was funny.”
- me, watching the opening credits on October 11, 1975 and reminiscing about the “Wolverines” cold open
- me, watching the opening credits on October 11, 1975 and reminiscing about the “Wolverines” cold open
March 12, 2025 at 6:21 PM
“I remember when SNL was funny.”
- me, watching the opening credits on October 11, 1975 and reminiscing about the “Wolverines” cold open
- me, watching the opening credits on October 11, 1975 and reminiscing about the “Wolverines” cold open
In more ways than one, the International House of Pancakes (IHOP) has commonalites with The U.N.
Because that place is U.N.healthy!
Just remember, this is the kind of comedy I left Twitter for.
Because that place is U.N.healthy!
Just remember, this is the kind of comedy I left Twitter for.
March 4, 2025 at 8:07 PM
In more ways than one, the International House of Pancakes (IHOP) has commonalites with The U.N.
Because that place is U.N.healthy!
Just remember, this is the kind of comedy I left Twitter for.
Because that place is U.N.healthy!
Just remember, this is the kind of comedy I left Twitter for.
I should’ve saved this joke for the end of the night. But then again, maybe I should’ve saved all these jokes to myself and not inflict this cruel & unusual punishment on others. #Oscars
“Anora?” No… “THE nora.” #Oscars
March 3, 2025 at 3:50 AM
I should’ve saved this joke for the end of the night. But then again, maybe I should’ve saved all these jokes to myself and not inflict this cruel & unusual punishment on others. #Oscars
Folks on social media are complaining the “In Memoriam” song choice was “depressing.”
Nothing is stopping you from muting your TV and booting up your Apple Music to Lesley Gore’s “Sunshine, Lollipops and Rainbows.” #Oscars
Nothing is stopping you from muting your TV and booting up your Apple Music to Lesley Gore’s “Sunshine, Lollipops and Rainbows.” #Oscars
March 3, 2025 at 2:55 AM
Folks on social media are complaining the “In Memoriam” song choice was “depressing.”
Nothing is stopping you from muting your TV and booting up your Apple Music to Lesley Gore’s “Sunshine, Lollipops and Rainbows.” #Oscars
Nothing is stopping you from muting your TV and booting up your Apple Music to Lesley Gore’s “Sunshine, Lollipops and Rainbows.” #Oscars
This night has reminded me: thank goodness Hilary Clinton didn’t run in the 2024 election, or we might’ve gotten a campaign speech with the line, “What you should be DOIN’ is your PART TO go to the polls!” #Oscars
March 3, 2025 at 2:35 AM
This night has reminded me: thank goodness Hilary Clinton didn’t run in the 2024 election, or we might’ve gotten a campaign speech with the line, “What you should be DOIN’ is your PART TO go to the polls!” #Oscars