Dwight Schrute
@sirbrianoftx.bsky.social
Assistant Regional Manager at Dunder Mifflin Paper Company. I am proficient in karate and could easily physically dominate you.
Pinned
Showing one's teeth is a sign of weakness among primates. When someone smiles at me, all I see is a chimpanzee begging for its life.
Reposted by Dwight Schrute
January 10, 2026 at 10:44 AM
2026 is going to be a very long year.
January 10, 2026 at 12:54 AM
2026 is going to be a very long year.
The beatings will continue until I get the Nobel Peace Prize
January 10, 2026 at 12:34 AM
The beatings will continue until I get the Nobel Peace Prize
I am reading a book about anti-gravity. It is impossible to put down.
January 10, 2026 at 12:33 AM
I am reading a book about anti-gravity. It is impossible to put down.
Holy shit 👇
Underemployment rate for recent college graduates rose to 41.8%, per New York Fed.
January 9, 2026 at 11:48 PM
Holy shit 👇
Jesus Christ! We're going to invade fucking Greenland aren't we?
January 9, 2026 at 11:29 PM
Jesus Christ! We're going to invade fucking Greenland aren't we?
Reposted by Dwight Schrute
Reposted by Dwight Schrute
I've never been polled. So I'm going to poll myself.
'Do you A: Disapprove of the current POTUS, B:Approve, C: Could care less.'
My answer: A: Disapprove
So that puts the current POTUS approval rating at 0%
'Do you A: Disapprove of the current POTUS, B:Approve, C: Could care less.'
My answer: A: Disapprove
So that puts the current POTUS approval rating at 0%
January 9, 2026 at 3:50 PM
I've never been polled. So I'm going to poll myself.
'Do you A: Disapprove of the current POTUS, B:Approve, C: Could care less.'
My answer: A: Disapprove
So that puts the current POTUS approval rating at 0%
'Do you A: Disapprove of the current POTUS, B:Approve, C: Could care less.'
My answer: A: Disapprove
So that puts the current POTUS approval rating at 0%
Reposted by Dwight Schrute
🇺🇸 MINNEAPOLIS VETERAN: "They are terrorizing the population, in Afghanistan we never wore masks.” (From @statuscoupnews.bsky.social )
January 8, 2026 at 9:16 PM
🇺🇸 MINNEAPOLIS VETERAN: "They are terrorizing the population, in Afghanistan we never wore masks.” (From @statuscoupnews.bsky.social )
Reposted by Dwight Schrute
Ex-Minnesota Governor Jesse Ventura: “We’re a 3rd world country now. I know. I’ve been to ‘em. I spent 17 months in SE Asia while the draft dodger was playing golf… that’s what happens in a dictatorship. In comes the military. That’s what’s happening here.” 🇺🇸
January 9, 2026 at 12:43 AM
Ex-Minnesota Governor Jesse Ventura: “We’re a 3rd world country now. I know. I’ve been to ‘em. I spent 17 months in SE Asia while the draft dodger was playing golf… that’s what happens in a dictatorship. In comes the military. That’s what’s happening here.” 🇺🇸
17 Republicans voted yes to extend ACA subsidies.
17 Republicans just abandoned the Trumptanic.
17 Republicans just abandoned the Trumptanic.
a large ship with smoke coming out of the chimneys is floating in the ocean
ALT: a large ship with smoke coming out of the chimneys is floating in the ocean
media.tenor.com
January 8, 2026 at 11:45 PM
17 Republicans voted yes to extend ACA subsidies.
17 Republicans just abandoned the Trumptanic.
17 Republicans just abandoned the Trumptanic.
I am fascinated with the topic of whether or not aliens helped build the pyramids. 🤣🤣 Oh I'm high.
January 8, 2026 at 11:35 PM
I am fascinated with the topic of whether or not aliens helped build the pyramids. 🤣🤣 Oh I'm high.
Reposted by Dwight Schrute
Three year extension of ACA subsidies passes in the House
January 8, 2026 at 10:24 PM
Three year extension of ACA subsidies passes in the House
When the edible hits hard and fast.
a man in armor with the words so it begins
ALT: a man in armor with the words so it begins
media.tenor.com
January 8, 2026 at 11:03 PM
When the edible hits hard and fast.
The news today literally makes my stomach turn man.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😡🤬
This is why every day after work I like to get high and watch sitcoms.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😡🤬
This is why every day after work I like to get high and watch sitcoms.
leonardo the teenage mutant ninja turtle is sitting under a tree in the woods .
ALT: leonardo the teenage mutant ninja turtle is sitting under a tree in the woods .
media.tenor.com
January 7, 2026 at 9:42 PM
The news today literally makes my stomach turn man.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😡🤬
This is why every day after work I like to get high and watch sitcoms.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😡🤬
This is why every day after work I like to get high and watch sitcoms.
Reposted by Dwight Schrute
🚨BREAKING🚨
I just released the full report on Congress trading in 2025.
Like every year since 2020, some politicians beat the market.
Many had unusual trades.
Some had huge gains.
Here are the top political traders of 2025.
I just released the full report on Congress trading in 2025.
Like every year since 2020, some politicians beat the market.
Many had unusual trades.
Some had huge gains.
Here are the top political traders of 2025.
January 7, 2026 at 5:16 PM
🚨BREAKING🚨
I just released the full report on Congress trading in 2025.
Like every year since 2020, some politicians beat the market.
Many had unusual trades.
Some had huge gains.
Here are the top political traders of 2025.
I just released the full report on Congress trading in 2025.
Like every year since 2020, some politicians beat the market.
Many had unusual trades.
Some had huge gains.
Here are the top political traders of 2025.
Reposted by Dwight Schrute
January 7, 2026 at 10:54 AM
Oil is at $60/barrel. That's not enough incentive to rebuild Venezuela oil infrastructure.
January 6, 2026 at 11:56 PM
Oil is at $60/barrel. That's not enough incentive to rebuild Venezuela oil infrastructure.
I challenge you to not stare at this for less than 30 seconds.
a gazelle is eating a bowl of popcorn and looking at the camera
ALT: a gazelle is eating a bowl of popcorn and looking at the camera
media.tenor.com
January 6, 2026 at 11:49 PM
I challenge you to not stare at this for less than 30 seconds.
Man, I hope this doesn't turn into all out nuclear apocalypse.
a cat is sitting in a chair with a bag of lays chips and a bottle of pepsi
ALT: a cat is sitting in a chair with a bag of lays chips and a bottle of pepsi
media.tenor.com
January 6, 2026 at 11:38 PM
Man, I hope this doesn't turn into all out nuclear apocalypse.
Blink twice if you are in danger. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
a man with a beard wearing a headband is holding a pair of scissors .
ALT: a man with a beard wearing a headband is holding a pair of scissors .
media.tenor.com
January 6, 2026 at 11:28 PM
Blink twice if you are in danger. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
So, how many new years resolutions have you guys broken already?
a man in a black shirt is drinking from a clear glass
ALT: a man in a black shirt is drinking from a clear glass
media.tenor.com
January 6, 2026 at 11:21 PM
So, how many new years resolutions have you guys broken already?
@ccscott.bsky.social breaker 1-9 good buddy! You got your ears on? 🤣
a man is sitting in the driver 's seat of a truck with his hand in the air
ALT: a man is sitting in the driver 's seat of a truck with his hand in the air
media.tenor.com
January 6, 2026 at 11:19 PM
@ccscott.bsky.social breaker 1-9 good buddy! You got your ears on? 🤣