FBI interviewer: So, why did you kill Charlie Kirk?
Tyler Robinson: I didn't his neck just did that. I think he had ligma actually.
Interviewer: What's ligma?
Tyler:

I just saw a TikTok like “the motivations of assassins don’t make sense anymore” but boy have they never.

Hinkley shot Reagan to impress Jodi Foster. Oswald was such a complete mess people just assume the CIA did it. Guiteau killed Garfield because no one would make him an ambassador.

black mirror stop becoming historical non-fiction challenge level impossible

someBODY
once told me
luigi mangione

Every movie in which the protagonist survives a horrifying ordeal and is carted away in an ambulance should end with the postscript, “Twenty years later, they died in medical debt.”