starwonderer117.bsky.social
@starwonderer117.bsky.social
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Galapagos Tortoises Become First-Time Parents At 100
theonion.com/galapag...
April 9, 2025 at 7:30 PM
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The Onion 'Streaming Guide'
theonion.com/streami...
March 7, 2025 at 9:00 PM
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I’m going on record: Life first happened when an RNA fucked a metabolism.
February 26, 2025 at 3:06 PM
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Man Puts Glass Of Water On Bedside Table In Case He Needs To Make Huge Mess In Middle Of Night
http://theonion.com/...
Man Puts Glass Of Water On Bedside Table In Case He Needs To Make Huge Mess In Middle Of Night
ANN ARBOR, MI—Explaining that it’s just more convenient, local man Andrew Gomez told reporters Thursday that he’s gotten in the habit of placing a glass of water on his bedside table before he goes to sleep in case he needs to make a huge, sopping mess in the middle of the night. “Sometimes I’ll wake up at night, and it’s nice to be able to reach over and spill water all over my nightstand, comforter, and floor without having to get up,” said Gomez, noting that he usually places a brimming cupful of water next to his cell phone and unopened mail so that he can just awaken in a disoriented state and send the glass and its contents careening everywhere while fumbling for it in the dark. “Who wants to get out of bed and walk all the way to the kitchen to get a drink of water when they can spend half an hour in the middle of the night frantically drying off their possessions and picking up shards of broken glass? It’s definitely much easier this way.” Gomez added that, in the event he does not knock over the glass while reaching for it, there’s nothing quite like the taste of stale, room-temperature water.
theonion.com
February 19, 2025 at 10:00 PM
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Uni plush will go on sale in 24 hours!

youtooz.com/products/val...
February 6, 2025 at 8:54 PM
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Eagles Fan Starts Tailgating At 9 A.M. For Custody Hearing
theonion.com/eagles-...
February 7, 2025 at 3:00 PM
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Pioneering Female Archaeologist In Google Doodle Bears Silent Witness To Man’s Search For ‘Zootopia’ Porn
theonion.com/pioneer...
February 7, 2025 at 5:00 PM
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Pentagon Warns China Developing Love, The Greatest Weapon Of All
theonion.com/pentago...
January 27, 2025 at 7:00 PM
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January 17, 2025 at 2:14 AM
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January 12, 2025 at 12:55 AM
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#MonsterOfTheDay

A Tiny Wizard harasses you!
January 1, 2025 at 2:50 PM
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Experts Recommend Putting Injured Person In Some Sort Of Cylindrical Tank Filled With Fluid
Experts Recommend Putting Injured Person In Some Sort Of Cylindrical Tank Filled With Fluid
CHICAGO—Stressing that the procedure offered affected individuals their best chance at recuperation, experts at Northwestern University’s medical school issued a recommendation Thursday that severely ...
theonion.com
December 22, 2024 at 8:50 PM
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December 23, 2024 at 10:24 AM
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merry christmouse 💖
December 23, 2024 at 10:13 AM
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Happy Chrismin, have a Pokémon themed 12 Days
December 23, 2024 at 12:34 AM
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December 23, 2024 at 12:21 PM
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when cats curl up so much their faces go upside down rt if you agree
December 23, 2024 at 10:39 PM
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December 23, 2024 at 1:27 PM
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Federated Union Of Bear Cub Carcass Dumpers Endorses RFK Jr.
theonion.com/federated-un...
December 23, 2024 at 4:05 PM
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The Beautiful Carina Nebula! 💫🤍💫🖤💫🤍💫
December 23, 2024 at 11:38 PM
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Variant from last year of the Titans giving JCPenny family portrait. 🎄
December 23, 2024 at 9:03 PM
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The Universe doesn't care.
December 23, 2024 at 4:33 PM
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my boy in the Dark
December 23, 2024 at 8:17 PM
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no school, no work, only meow meow
December 23, 2024 at 12:35 PM
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Where does Santa come from?

サンタさんはどこから来るの?
December 23, 2024 at 1:24 PM