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Stephen Uitti he/him/it/they/hey-you

@suitti.bsky.social

6.1K followers 13K following 9.8K posts

Amateur astronomer - Astronomy for Everyone show since 2009 https://www.youtube.com/c/astronomyforeveryone Writing a book. Have dogs. Tell jokes - I used to tell dad jokes. Sometimes he'd laugh. Something with computers for a living. I don't really do DMs.

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Stephen Uitti he/him/it/they/hey-you @suitti.bsky.social · Nov 21

I'm giving up eating chocolate for a month. Sorry, bad punctuation. I'm giving up. Eating chocolate for a month.
#joke

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Stephen Uitti he/him/it/they/hey-you @suitti.bsky.social · 5h

Hey, it's Halloween season.

Black caped and hooded figure with black metal gloves doing something over a bowl on the ground with something in it, & a black cat sitting next to it. Black horse in the background.

Title:
When you're a Horseman of the Apocalypse but have to feed the cat.

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Stephen Uitti he/him/it/they/hey-you @suitti.bsky.social · 5h

I've been given bad advice about this. Here's the straight poop.

Police badge, Title: Office of the Chief
Picture of a coyote at night
Text:
During the spring and early summer months, coyote sightings can increase due to "pup-rearing". This season is common when newborn pups come out to play for the first time. Typically, coyotes are nocturnal but it is not uncommon to see them during the day. Just seeing one is NOT a reason to call 911. Below are reasons you should call 911:

* Coyotes in hot air balloons dropping anvils
* Coyotes with giant magnets
* Coyote pulling a giant catapult
* Coyote with rocket shoes
* Coyote with anything marked "TNT"
* Coyote setting out bags that say "free bird seed!"

Please call 911 immediately if you see any of the above behavior.

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Stephen Uitti he/him/it/they/hey-you @suitti.bsky.social · 6h

It's a sign:

Cartoon with title & 8 boxes, each with a hand with finger pointing right.

Title: Follow the signs to find the correct department
1. Haematology Department (finger has a drop of blood dripping)
2. Robotics Department (entire hand & fingers are those of a robot)
3. Nanotech Department (magnifying glass showing tiny hand)
4. Virology Department (green hand with boils all over it)
5. Geometry Department (Cube with hand drawn over 2 of the sides)
6. Cloning Department (several hands)
7. Cryogenics Department (hand with icicles)
8. Quantum Physics Department (several hands pointing left and right at the same time in the same place)

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Stephen Uitti he/him/it/they/hey-you @suitti.bsky.social · 7h

My computer used to have a sticker that said, "My other computer runs Linux". And by "computer" i mean the monitor. That's what the customers were always talking about when they said, "computer". And yet, the dictionary has: computer: ...
2: an expert at calculation

Reposted by Stephen Uitti he/him/it/they/hey-you

Jim Crail @jiminwi.bsky.social · 1d

Share this widely. This is the kind of thing that changes public opinion quickly.

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Reposted by Stephen Uitti he/him/it/they/hey-you

Alejandra Caraballo @esqueer.net · 8h

ICE is not only chasing down every random brown person in Chicago, they have a cameraman following them to film this for social media. Cruelty and inhumanity as content.

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Reposted by Stephen Uitti he/him/it/they/hey-you

Pandy Fackler 🎃 @thatbrenna.bsky.social · Jul 23

Host: Let's play Wheel Of Ornithology!

Me: Are there any jays?

Host: No sorry

Me: I'd like to buy an owl

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Stephen Uitti he/him/it/they/hey-you @suitti.bsky.social · 7h

A discussion on what T-Rex would have tasted like: The obvious idea is "like chicken". But was pointed out that larger animals like an Ostrich taste different. T-Rex might have tasted like an Elephant, whatever that's like.

Reposted by Stephen Uitti he/him/it/they/hey-you

Matt Thrower @mattthr.bsky.social · 1d

This is amazing

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Reposted by Stephen Uitti he/him/it/they/hey-you

Phil Nobile Jr. @philnobilejr.bsky.social · 22h

You don’t need AI; AI is not “inevitable.” That’s a lie being fed to you by companies who are going to lose a fuckton of money if they don’t convince you that AI is something you can’t live without.

Carl Quintanilla @carlquintanilla.bsky.social · 1d

NVIDIA and OpenAi:

Concerns that their “increasingly complex and interconnected web of business transactions is artificially propping up the trillion-dollar AI boom.“

@bloomberg.com $NVDA 👀
www.bloomberg.com/news/feature...

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Stephen Uitti he/him/it/they/hey-you @suitti.bsky.social · 8h

Just a guess, but it might be October already.
Suppose i could look it up.

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Stephen Uitti he/him/it/they/hey-you @suitti.bsky.social · 8h

I'm sure it would be just like Og burning bread. No one would ever know.

Stephen Uitti he/him/it/they/hey-you @suitti.bsky.social · 8h

Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I need to print a document, but the computer won't boot."
Tech Support: "What does it say?"
Customer: "Something about an error & non-system disk."
Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"
Customer: "It says there's Intel inside."

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Stephen Uitti he/him/it/they/hey-you @suitti.bsky.social · 8h

COVID-19 jokes: Social Distancing Pickup Lines:
Hey babe, if you think that covid you got is Long, do I have news for you!
#joke

Stephen Uitti he/him/it/they/hey-you @suitti.bsky.social · 8h

Programmer's insult:
If your mom was a collection class, her insert method would be public.
#joke

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Stephen Uitti he/him/it/they/hey-you @suitti.bsky.social · 8h

PROTOLOL jokes
Bad thing about BGP jokes is you never know if its a joke
#protolol
#joke

Stephen Uitti he/him/it/they/hey-you @suitti.bsky.social · 8h

Relationship jokes:
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife is new.
#joke

Stephen Uitti he/him/it/they/hey-you @suitti.bsky.social · 8h

Tired of my same sandwich. Have idea so clever no one in the age & space of the Universe ever thought of it. Imma start with toast.

Except for Og, who's camp fire burned the bread, & Og was hungry so Og made sandwich with it. But no one ever heard Og's story, b/c Og's forest burned while Og ate.