With enough ketamine you can transform yourself into a drooling idiot.

So you start a war with Argentina and you get a FIFA peace prize and you build a bullshit engine and you get the cover of Time?

So awards just don’t mean anything now.

He probably had AI rewrite it

My car has a 6 speed manual transmission. This bro would shit himself and then start crying if I asked him to drive it.

I’ve been trying to get a colonoscopy since 2023

Gun laws? What good will that do?! They need THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS! Not stupid laws.

(Note: This was sarcasm.)

The other day I had an itch on my nose and the AI robot that scratches my nose was out of power and I had to scratch my own nose and I thought, this anxiety, the fear my finger might slip and get a boogie on it? That’s what poor slobs with no AI robot go through every day. Hate to be those losers.

Tomorrow you can discuss back treats and getting caught up on pet and scritch quotas. 😉

Those companies are creating jobs!*

*imaginary jobs in MAGA fever dreams count right?

This sucks but at least you know the history books will remember you as someone who stood up for what was right when it would have been easier and more lucrative to stay silent. This is strength. This is what GOOD PEOPLE do. Thanks for standing up to the haters.

How much is Trumps salary? Because that’s definitely money going to fraudsters.

I hate theaters. They won’t let you smoke weed. You can’t pause it to go the bathroom and there’s no way in hell I’m paying $17 for 6 peanut M&Ms

Will not be watching this one

You never believed in him! You’ll be sorry when MCA shows up with that big record deal!

Stupid people. Unfortunately stupidity is the one natural resource we can never seem to run out of.

Very soon is so precise a timeline. How do they come up with these ultra detailed estimates?!

Sentiment will catch up to “reality”.

This administration would not know reality if it fell out of the sky, landed on their face, and started to wiggle.