I wish I could text my four year old during my work day, let her know when I’ve seen a fire engine or suggest we go swimming tomorrow.
January 7, 2026 at 11:31 PM
I wish I could text my four year old during my work day, let her know when I’ve seen a fire engine or suggest we go swimming tomorrow.
And that concludes Hippo Talk for today
January 7, 2026 at 6:07 AM
And that concludes Hippo Talk for today
Adult Hippopotamuses are not particularly good swimmers, nor can they float. They enters deep water; when they does, the animal moves by bouncing off the bottom. Bouncing off the bottom. Hippos are deeply unserious animals and have no right to be as dangerous as they are.
January 7, 2026 at 6:03 AM
Adult Hippopotamuses are not particularly good swimmers, nor can they float. They enters deep water; when they does, the animal moves by bouncing off the bottom. Bouncing off the bottom. Hippos are deeply unserious animals and have no right to be as dangerous as they are.
Hippopotamuses’ bites are so strong that they can bite a crocodile in half. Crocodiles want to know why we chose this metric.
January 7, 2026 at 5:57 AM
Hippopotamuses’ bites are so strong that they can bite a crocodile in half. Crocodiles want to know why we chose this metric.
‘Hippopotamus’ is ‘river horse’ in Latin. The horse in question:
January 7, 2026 at 5:54 AM
‘Hippopotamus’ is ‘river horse’ in Latin. The horse in question:
The reason hippopotamuses are considered Africa's deadliest large land mammal is because that crocodile came on too strong when they were dancing ballet that time and now they all want revenge.
January 7, 2026 at 5:52 AM
The reason hippopotamuses are considered Africa's deadliest large land mammal is because that crocodile came on too strong when they were dancing ballet that time and now they all want revenge.
If we’re putting Americans in UK @taskmaster.tv, I implore the producers to consider @pftompkins.bsky.social
January 6, 2026 at 9:33 PM
If we’re putting Americans in UK @taskmaster.tv, I implore the producers to consider @pftompkins.bsky.social
We’re living in the Biff Tannen timeline.
January 6, 2026 at 9:23 AM
We’re living in the Biff Tannen timeline.
This. This is what it’s all about.
January 6, 2026 at 3:31 AM
This. This is what it’s all about.
I’ve been informed that if I had ever actually played the game, I would know the dog will be fine.
I forgot that if I watch Fallout I’ll have to worry about the dog the whole time.
January 5, 2026 at 10:21 AM
I’ve been informed that if I had ever actually played the game, I would know the dog will be fine.
We have a massive garden (by Inner West Sydney standards) so this was a very obvious place to build the fairy garden.
January 3, 2026 at 11:08 AM
We have a massive garden (by Inner West Sydney standards) so this was a very obvious place to build the fairy garden.
I forgot that if I watch Fallout I’ll have to worry about the dog the whole time.
January 3, 2026 at 9:45 AM
I forgot that if I watch Fallout I’ll have to worry about the dog the whole time.
Parenting an only child worst case scenario: having to take their shit best friend with you on a family holiday to Ibiza only for the the pair of them get into a series of misadventures trying to launch their DJ careers and finally lose their virginities.
January 1, 2026 at 4:21 AM
Parenting an only child worst case scenario: having to take their shit best friend with you on a family holiday to Ibiza only for the the pair of them get into a series of misadventures trying to launch their DJ careers and finally lose their virginities.
A day spent at Dreamworld: the worst of sunburns and the best of mullets.
December 30, 2025 at 6:10 AM
A day spent at Dreamworld: the worst of sunburns and the best of mullets.
Watching Home Alone, or as my kid just called it, Little Losty Boy.
December 26, 2025 at 7:09 AM
Watching Home Alone, or as my kid just called it, Little Losty Boy.
Different Christmas songs and what they mean if you put them in a soundtrack
December 23, 2025 at 1:05 AM
Different Christmas songs and what they mean if you put them in a soundtrack
You just know Christopher Nolan’s The Odyssey gonna be long as fuck.
December 22, 2025 at 7:10 PM
You just know Christopher Nolan’s The Odyssey gonna be long as fuck.
Barton Grink
One Grinch After Another
the Grink Panther
December 20, 2025 at 6:18 AM
Barton Grink
I must expose a criminal. See the bottom Santa? The really good one, winner of the 5-7 years colouring comp. The work of one Will, aged 7… or was it? No! I coloured that one in! I left it on the table and some kid put their name on it! J'accuse Will! You stole my valour and I will have my revenge!
December 19, 2025 at 9:22 AM
I must expose a criminal. See the bottom Santa? The really good one, winner of the 5-7 years colouring comp. The work of one Will, aged 7… or was it? No! I coloured that one in! I left it on the table and some kid put their name on it! J'accuse Will! You stole my valour and I will have my revenge!
Babe what’s wrong? You’ve hardly touched your boner chips.
December 19, 2025 at 6:30 AM
Babe what’s wrong? You’ve hardly touched your boner chips.
This, but with my prescription in it.
December 17, 2025 at 11:14 AM
This, but with my prescription in it.
The festive shirts are out in force in the CBD today.
December 15, 2025 at 9:13 PM
The festive shirts are out in force in the CBD today.
Hey Australian news outlets, I don’t give a shit about what Netanyahu has to say about the horrors of yesterday, his opinion isn’t important right now.
December 15, 2025 at 2:27 AM
Hey Australian news outlets, I don’t give a shit about what Netanyahu has to say about the horrors of yesterday, his opinion isn’t important right now.
To the tune of Cruella de Vil
December 13, 2025 at 10:10 PM
To the tune of Cruella de Vil
I’m extremely proud of my office Christmas party costume: Studio 54 era Liza Minnelli
December 12, 2025 at 11:26 AM
I’m extremely proud of my office Christmas party costume: Studio 54 era Liza Minnelli