Sorry. I know you asked a genuine question and all I have to offer is a jokey response.

Noone ever finds love on Tindr. If you don't like someone you swipe left. If you do like someone you swipe right.

By definition, everyone you like is an R-swipe

G'day

Is he that little Mexican bloke who hogs the glory hole but doesn't know how to keep his teeth out of the way? Ouch. I hate Jesus too.

Given his fondness for Hampstead Heath it seems fitting to see George Michael's baubles surrounded by foliage.

I've long considered shite to be more satisfyingly visceral that shit.

Similarly, pish is more appealingly onomatopoeiac than piss.

That ABBA Voyage one is amazing - it looks like it's really there!

2 sideways eight & beyond

Bless you

Many happy reruns, Xavier!

I was wearing shorts made of very thin and clingy material, and still had viagra in my system, and made the mistake of checking my Grindr messages and engaging in some racy chat.

Rests between sets were longer than normal. To let it go down.

I don't think that stuff should be allowed to call itself cheese.

I would have said "niblings" rather than "nephews and nieces" but I'm not sure if that delightful, useful, and happily trans and non-binary inclusive term has caught on.

I wonder if he had nephews and nieces who call him Uncle ½ Buck

Autocorrect has singularly failed to make me a better driver.

I would love it if more journalists openly laughed at him mockingly when things like this happen.