The Implication News
@theimplicationnews.bsky.social
News, the way it used to be. Written slowly, with a lot of words, by people barely keeping it together.
Our @theimplicationnews.bsky.social reporter’s house was also searched by the FBI. They found nothing but an ikea couch half built, an empty jar of mustard and two burnt limes in the fridge and divorced papers lining the cat littler box.
January 15, 2026 at 8:21 PM
Our @theimplicationnews.bsky.social reporter’s house was also searched by the FBI. They found nothing but an ikea couch half built, an empty jar of mustard and two burnt limes in the fridge and divorced papers lining the cat littler box.
I’m sorry @pabloreports.bsky.social we verified with our political reporters @theimplicationnews.bsky.social and they don’t know if that’s true. Have you seen the size of the president? Mr. Miller fits a “twink” size and to become Mr. Trump’s shadow is to grow into a “bear++”.
January 15, 2026 at 8:15 PM
I’m sorry @pabloreports.bsky.social we verified with our political reporters @theimplicationnews.bsky.social and they don’t know if that’s true. Have you seen the size of the president? Mr. Miller fits a “twink” size and to become Mr. Trump’s shadow is to grow into a “bear++”.
It’s a good thing that you’ll fight it to the death. I hear David O. Russell enjoys taking a swing at people.
January 15, 2026 at 7:00 PM
It’s a good thing that you’ll fight it to the death. I hear David O. Russell enjoys taking a swing at people.
@theimplicationnews.bsky.social we did you one better. All of our articles on Substack are free but then you get to pay to read them in February. The Verge won’t give you a deal like that…until they do.
January 13, 2026 at 8:54 AM
@theimplicationnews.bsky.social we did you one better. All of our articles on Substack are free but then you get to pay to read them in February. The Verge won’t give you a deal like that…until they do.
We feel the need to explain that our photo journalist @theimplicationnews.bsky.social took that picture on his iPhone. It was during covid and they’d all just had a glass of chocolate milk.
January 13, 2026 at 8:10 AM
We feel the need to explain that our photo journalist @theimplicationnews.bsky.social took that picture on his iPhone. It was during covid and they’d all just had a glass of chocolate milk.
The shareholders have locked themselves in a castle keep fortifying themselves agents the hoard of invading Paramount executive’s. One member inside told @theimplicationnews.bsky.social that the women and children are safe, they had enough provisions to last two years.
January 13, 2026 at 8:03 AM
The shareholders have locked themselves in a castle keep fortifying themselves agents the hoard of invading Paramount executive’s. One member inside told @theimplicationnews.bsky.social that the women and children are safe, they had enough provisions to last two years.
We spoke to DOHS and they insured us that the guns used by ICE agents are purely ceremonial. Never to be used unless a piñata is around, dogs are either jumping through a fiery hoop or juggling a ball on their nose, and if there’s a parade (a single car moving forward counts).
January 12, 2026 at 7:33 PM
We spoke to DOHS and they insured us that the guns used by ICE agents are purely ceremonial. Never to be used unless a piñata is around, dogs are either jumping through a fiery hoop or juggling a ball on their nose, and if there’s a parade (a single car moving forward counts).
Bill Ackman $10,000 will help the ICE Agent pay for a lawyer’s he’ll need. @theimplicationnews.bsky.social asked Mr. Ackman why he was being generous. Mr. Ackman responded by cutting his palm open, bleeding light from the eyes, then speaking in tongs as he looked at a blood soaked sky.
January 12, 2026 at 7:25 PM
Bill Ackman $10,000 will help the ICE Agent pay for a lawyer’s he’ll need. @theimplicationnews.bsky.social asked Mr. Ackman why he was being generous. Mr. Ackman responded by cutting his palm open, bleeding light from the eyes, then speaking in tongs as he looked at a blood soaked sky.
Our entertainment reporter @theimplicationnews.bsky.social told us that this episode of the office was nominated for an Emmy for special effects makeup. Steve Carell sat in the makeup chair for 16 hours. Just hanging out.
January 12, 2026 at 3:49 PM
Our entertainment reporter @theimplicationnews.bsky.social told us that this episode of the office was nominated for an Emmy for special effects makeup. Steve Carell sat in the makeup chair for 16 hours. Just hanging out.
One of our favorite film critic @theamynicholson.bsky.social nailed it out of the park with this one.
January 12, 2026 at 1:18 AM
One of our favorite film critic @theamynicholson.bsky.social nailed it out of the park with this one.