Keith Ammann
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themonstersknow.com
Keith Ammann
@themonstersknow.com
4K followers 580 following 5.1K posts
ENNIE-winning author of The Monsters Know What They're Doing and other stuff. Humanist, antifascist, curmudgeon. Teeth on the board. ✶✶✶✶

Home: spyandowl.com
Blog: themonstersknow.com
Newsletter: onefootinfairyland.com
Mastodon: dice.camp/@KeithAmmann
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themonstersknow.com
How I'm walking out of 2025
December 27, 2025 at 10:20 PM
themonstersknow.com
My pastry blender with the edge crimper on one side.
A pastry blender with an edge crimper on one end of the handle.
December 27, 2025 at 3:52 PM
themonstersknow.com
The Oobit got a bunch of glow sticks in a birthday party goodie bag, and this is what she did with them
December 21, 2025 at 1:42 PM
themonstersknow.com
Bernie Sanders meme: "I am once again asking … for a no-autoplay-on-launch setting."
December 19, 2025 at 1:14 PM
themonstersknow.com
Is your group still playing D&D 5E14? Give your DM The Monsters Know What They're Doing if they don't have it already—and if they do, complement it with the follow-up, MOAR! Monsters Know What They're Doing!

Buy The Monsters Know: bookshop.org/a/511/978198...
Buy MOAR!: bookshop.org/a/511/978198...
The cover of The Monsters Know What They're Doing: In a forest at night, five adventurers around a campfire are ambushed by an overwhelming number of goblins. The cover of MOAR! Monsters Know What They're Doing: Five adventurers confront a nagpa. Four of them are paralyzed. Two of them are on fire. It's up to the druid to save them.
December 12, 2025 at 6:03 PM
themonstersknow.com
Christmas and Chanukah are coming up on us as fast as a bin'azg! Sprinkle some holiday cheer into the life of your favorite GM: Give them a copy of Making Enemies or How to Defend Your Lair. (Or both!)

Buy Making Enemies: bookshop.org/a/511/978166...
Buy HTDYL: bookshop.org/a/511/978198...
The cover of Making Enemies: A huge, pearlescent arthropod bursts out of a subterranean crevice and drives one of its large barbed claws through a dwarf fighter's abdomen. Another dwarf cowers in fear. The cover of How to Defend Your Lair: Three goblin children defend a treehouse and the treasure chest within (which includes an umbrella with a handle shaped like a duck). One peers through a telescope, one is pulling up the rope ladder, and one is readying a slingshot.
December 12, 2025 at 5:56 PM
themonstersknow.com
Oh, Ikea, what an unfortunate name you've chosen.
A listing for an Ikea dining table called "BERGSHYTTAN."
December 8, 2025 at 3:49 PM
themonstersknow.com
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind has TWO other movies inserted into it, and you can't even tell.
A man stands silhouetted against the sun, which he is much too close to. An unreasonably beautiful woman and an unreasonably beautiful man, both wearing 1920s clothing, fail to make eye contact.
December 4, 2025 at 12:44 PM
themonstersknow.com
It would be kinder if I'd actually done it. 🙂

Before the Oobit was born—and before I had any inkling that I might end up writing books for a living—I was trying to bootstrap myself as a headshot photographer. Next time our paths cross, if you haven't gotten one already, I'll see what I can do.
Headshot photo of a fair-skinned, brunette woman in her 30s in front of a gray wall. Headshot photo of a fair-skinned, auburn-haired woman in her 20s, sunlit from behind in a park. Headshot photo of a fair-skinned man in his 20s with short brown hair, in front of a brick wall. Headshot photo of a fair-skinned man in his 20s with short brown hair and a trim beard, standing in a park next to a lake.
December 2, 2025 at 3:52 PM
themonstersknow.com
Looking for prezzies for the GM on your list? Give 'em one of my books!

But—important!—this #CyberMonday, DON'T BUY FROM AMAZON OR TARGET. #WeAintBuyingIt

Instead, order today from your favorite independent bookseller at bookshop.org/beta-search?keywords=Keith+Ammann and get free shipping!
The covers of four books by Keith Ammann (The Monsters Know What They're Doing, MOAR! Monsters Know What They're Doing, How to Defend Your Lair and Making Enemies) with the "We Ain't Buying It" campaign logo, featuring the logos of Target, Amazon and Home Depot X'd out, splashed across them.
December 1, 2025 at 5:20 PM
themonstersknow.com
Where are you doing your holiday shopping this #SmallBusinessSaturday?
A bearded, middle-aged white guy wearing sunglasses and a winter hat and coat dusted with snow, standing in front of Chicagoland Games, a friendly local game store.
November 29, 2025 at 7:55 PM
themonstersknow.com
"Before you react to a quotation you see on the Internet, make sure it comes from a reliable source, includes a citation and isn't attributed to the wrong person. —Napoleon Bonaparte"
November 29, 2025 at 3:02 PM
themonstersknow.com
A meme picture. Stick figure raises finger to object, then withholds objection.
November 28, 2025 at 8:22 PM
themonstersknow.com
For more info on the We Ain't Buying It campaign, visit weaintbuyingit.com
"We Ain't Buying It: Your Wallet. Your Power. Hold Your Money: No Target, no Home Depot, and no Amazon due to their support of harmful policies! Delete shopping apps. Donate to mutual aid. Support small businesses." There's also a QR code to scan for additional resources.
November 28, 2025 at 5:00 PM
themonstersknow.com
Looking for prezzies for the GM on your list? Give 'em one of my books!

But—here's the important part—today, this weekend and through Cyber Monday, DON'T BUY FROM AMAZON OR TARGET. BUY INDIE! BUY LOCAL! #WeAintBuyingIt

Order from your favorite independent bookseller at bookshop.org/beta-search?...
The covers of four books by Keith Ammann (The Monsters Know What They're Doing, MOAR! Monsters Know What They're Doing, How to Defend Your Lair and Making Enemies) with the "We Ain't Buying It" campaign logo, featuring the logos of Target, Amazon and Home Depot X'd out, splashed across them.
November 28, 2025 at 5:00 PM
themonstersknow.com
Hello! I write books for tabletop roleplaying gamemasters!

MAKING ENEMIES: a monster creation toolbox for GMs with specific advice for five, count 'em, five game systems!

HOW TO DEFEND YOUR LAIR: a guide to creating defensible bases where monsters and villains can safeguard their assets.
The covers of four books by Keith Ammann: The Monsters Know What They're Doing, MOAR! Monsters Know What They're Doing, How to Defend Your Lair and Making Enemies.
November 28, 2025 at 4:30 PM
themonstersknow.com
Looking for a gift for the GM on your list? MAKING ENEMIES is the gift that keeps on giving: You give it to your GM, and they give you encounters with weird, wacky and terrifying new adversaries. Win-win!

Find purchasing links here: spyandowl.com/making-enemies
A hardbound copy of Making Enemies on a wooden dining table. On the cover, a huge, pearlescent arthropod bursts out of a subterranean crevice and drives one of its large barbed claws through a dwarf fighter's abdomen, while another dwarf cowers in fear. The book is surrounded by blue and red polyhedral dice.
November 26, 2025 at 8:01 PM
themonstersknow.com
I been to Moscow
I been to Paris too
I been all over
Doin' the zydeco
You can't tell me nothin'
I'm the zydeco man
Pope standing at a microphone
November 23, 2025 at 12:37 PM
themonstersknow.com
Everybody's talkin' at me
I can't hear a word they're sayin'
Only the echoes of my mind
I won't let you leave my love behind
No I won't let you lee-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAVE
Pope standing at microphone
November 23, 2025 at 2:52 AM
themonstersknow.com
Marriott Lobby. This is an astonishingly good reading for a fairly crowded space.
An Aranet4 reading 620 ppm CO2 in a hotel lobby bar.
November 22, 2025 at 11:53 PM
themonstersknow.com
This is directly under an air vent.
An Aranet4 reading 1,425 ppm CO2.
November 22, 2025 at 7:36 PM
themonstersknow.com
Folks, it's some nasty air in the #PAXUnplugged vendor hall right now. A number like this tells you that the HVAC system is overwhelmed.

Your risk tolerance is your own business, but you should at least know the level of risk you're dealing with. #PAXU
An Aranet4 reading 1892 ppm CO2, indicating very poor air recycling.
November 22, 2025 at 7:11 PM
themonstersknow.com
Paying my respects to the only king whose authority I respect. #PAXUnplugged #PAXU #NoKings #ExceptHalalGyroKing
November 22, 2025 at 5:48 PM
themonstersknow.com
I will say, the ventilation outside the Main Theater is really doing its job this morning.
An Aranet4 reading 626 ppm CO2, in front of a large queued crowd.
November 22, 2025 at 2:27 PM
themonstersknow.com
Back at #PAXUnplugged for day 2, and watching the line for the Daggerheart presentation ASPLODE. If you're not here real soon, you may not get in!

How to spot me today:

- practical olive-green T-shirt
- KF94 (still)
- bag of holding (still)
- thankfully unencumbered by 100 lb of merch #PAXU
A middle-aged, bearded white guy in an olive-green T-shirt and black KF94 mask, with his three-day pass visible on a shoulder strap.
November 22, 2025 at 2:15 PM