Ryan Smith
@thesmithminute.bsky.social
Semi-retired radio personality. Avid DIYer. Essential retail worker navigating the craziness. Purveyor of obscure references and deep cuts. What TV Tropes would call a Deadpan Snarker.
“You made the door too big, Gooshie.”
November 30, 2025 at 12:49 AM
“You made the door too big, Gooshie.”
"Wanna try my durian smoothie?"
"I have access to a Phantom Zone projector."
"I have access to a Phantom Zone projector."
November 29, 2025 at 11:11 PM
"Wanna try my durian smoothie?"
"I have access to a Phantom Zone projector."
"I have access to a Phantom Zone projector."
“What about Gardner?”
“Yeah, he’ll do it.”
“Thanks!”
“That was not an approval!”
“Yeah, he’ll do it.”
“Thanks!”
“That was not an approval!”
November 29, 2025 at 6:36 PM
“What about Gardner?”
“Yeah, he’ll do it.”
“Thanks!”
“That was not an approval!”
“Yeah, he’ll do it.”
“Thanks!”
“That was not an approval!”
“You’re not gettin’ it, man. Just ain’t connectin’.”
November 29, 2025 at 12:38 PM
“You’re not gettin’ it, man. Just ain’t connectin’.”
“That’s how I’ve been a top seller of Grit for years, bub.”
November 29, 2025 at 3:19 AM
“That’s how I’ve been a top seller of Grit for years, bub.”
“How do the boots fit in, dear reader? Umm… let’s take a look at what Dr. Alchemy is doing right now.”
November 28, 2025 at 10:34 PM
“How do the boots fit in, dear reader? Umm… let’s take a look at what Dr. Alchemy is doing right now.”
“Prince Albert’s staying in that can, Alfred. He knows why.”
“Very good, sir.”
“Very good, sir.”
November 28, 2025 at 10:32 PM
“Prince Albert’s staying in that can, Alfred. He knows why.”
“Very good, sir.”
“Very good, sir.”
“Set your decoder pins to I-27!”
“This isn’t another message about drinking Ovaltine, is it?”
“…no.”
“This isn’t another message about drinking Ovaltine, is it?”
“…no.”
November 28, 2025 at 12:52 PM
“Set your decoder pins to I-27!”
“This isn’t another message about drinking Ovaltine, is it?”
“…no.”
“This isn’t another message about drinking Ovaltine, is it?”
“…no.”
“Our Uber driver is arriving in… three weeks?! Is everyone against us today?!”
November 28, 2025 at 2:36 AM
“Our Uber driver is arriving in… three weeks?! Is everyone against us today?!”
“Butterball?”
“I thought only I called Hal that!”
“I’m gonna use that, Jeff!”
“Go right ahead, Rex.”
“I thought only I called Hal that!”
“I’m gonna use that, Jeff!”
“Go right ahead, Rex.”
November 27, 2025 at 10:49 PM
“Butterball?”
“I thought only I called Hal that!”
“I’m gonna use that, Jeff!”
“Go right ahead, Rex.”
“I thought only I called Hal that!”
“I’m gonna use that, Jeff!”
“Go right ahead, Rex.”
“Winner gets the hat!”
“Pfft, never mind.”
“Pfft, never mind.”
November 27, 2025 at 10:26 PM
“Winner gets the hat!”
“Pfft, never mind.”
“Pfft, never mind.”
I did radio for 15 years and I’ve always considered the show a documentary.
November 27, 2025 at 10:25 PM
I did radio for 15 years and I’ve always considered the show a documentary.
“Suddenly, I have an urge to buy the Residents’ entire discography.”
November 27, 2025 at 6:09 PM
“Suddenly, I have an urge to buy the Residents’ entire discography.”
“How do you like my tofurkey, Mr. Conrad? It looks indistinguishable from an actual turkey! Took me days to perfect!”
November 27, 2025 at 3:06 PM
“How do you like my tofurkey, Mr. Conrad? It looks indistinguishable from an actual turkey! Took me days to perfect!”
“Is that one of those tobacco pipes from Watchmen?”
“No. This is Organic Chemistry Model Kit Porn.”
“After hearing that, I’m off for a stiff drink.”
“It’s 6:45 in the morning.”
“Yes, it is.”
“No. This is Organic Chemistry Model Kit Porn.”
“After hearing that, I’m off for a stiff drink.”
“It’s 6:45 in the morning.”
“Yes, it is.”
November 27, 2025 at 1:46 PM
“Is that one of those tobacco pipes from Watchmen?”
“No. This is Organic Chemistry Model Kit Porn.”
“After hearing that, I’m off for a stiff drink.”
“It’s 6:45 in the morning.”
“Yes, it is.”
“No. This is Organic Chemistry Model Kit Porn.”
“After hearing that, I’m off for a stiff drink.”
“It’s 6:45 in the morning.”
“Yes, it is.”
“Although, really, I did help him. I just don’t know how I’m getting my car back.”
November 27, 2025 at 3:25 AM
“Although, really, I did help him. I just don’t know how I’m getting my car back.”
I kind of want Detective Bonkers to show up in one of those films where El Santo solves mysteries in between matches.
November 26, 2025 at 3:27 PM
I kind of want Detective Bonkers to show up in one of those films where El Santo solves mysteries in between matches.
On Thursday we left for home. Sorry, Captain Benteen.
November 26, 2025 at 2:05 PM
On Thursday we left for home. Sorry, Captain Benteen.
"My attack slacks!"
"Is that another of those made-up grunge terms?"
"Shut up."
"Is that another of those made-up grunge terms?"
"Shut up."
November 25, 2025 at 6:00 PM
"My attack slacks!"
"Is that another of those made-up grunge terms?"
"Shut up."
"Is that another of those made-up grunge terms?"
"Shut up."
"Frau Farbissina really spoke to me!"
November 25, 2025 at 2:32 PM
"Frau Farbissina really spoke to me!"
“Dear Reader,
If you’re being held hostage, say, ‘I believe Louisiana is the Pelican State.’”
If you’re being held hostage, say, ‘I believe Louisiana is the Pelican State.’”
November 25, 2025 at 3:12 AM
“Dear Reader,
If you’re being held hostage, say, ‘I believe Louisiana is the Pelican State.’”
If you’re being held hostage, say, ‘I believe Louisiana is the Pelican State.’”