the weird machine
@theweirdmachine.bsky.social
I cuss a lot. Someone told me smart people cuss and I want to be smart so bad. Famously not a serial killer. He/Him
Just used a tongue scraper for the first time and I am extremely grossed out now.
December 24, 2025 at 2:53 PM
Just used a tongue scraper for the first time and I am extremely grossed out now.
Rob Reiner was a real one. RIP King.
December 15, 2025 at 4:44 AM
Rob Reiner was a real one. RIP King.
Whelp, guess I’m a Bears fan for the rest of the season? Cause I ain’t rooting for any of these AFC teams.
December 14, 2025 at 9:17 PM
Whelp, guess I’m a Bears fan for the rest of the season? Cause I ain’t rooting for any of these AFC teams.
When Phantom Menace came out I got blasted on mushrooms and went with all my sober Blockbuster coworkers. I came out thinking it was a masterpiece and they…disagreed.
Raising the always fun question: What are your most memorable theater-going experiences?
Mine also include The Matrix, Blair Witch, and being way too stoned in Belgium when Fellowship of the Ring was sold out so we sat in the back row for Mulholland Drive instead.
Mine also include The Matrix, Blair Witch, and being way too stoned in Belgium when Fellowship of the Ring was sold out so we sat in the back row for Mulholland Drive instead.
It was hands-down one of the most memorable theater-going experiences I can remember, a collective 30-minute butt-clench/armrest-grab for the final climb. And we knew he lived! Wild.
December 12, 2025 at 11:48 PM
When Phantom Menace came out I got blasted on mushrooms and went with all my sober Blockbuster coworkers. I came out thinking it was a masterpiece and they…disagreed.
Started watching Poker Face and goddamn it’s a fun show.
December 3, 2025 at 2:03 AM
Started watching Poker Face and goddamn it’s a fun show.
In lieu of screaming “fuck you” at someone irl I’m just going to vague post on the timeline.
November 26, 2025 at 4:01 PM
In lieu of screaming “fuck you” at someone irl I’m just going to vague post on the timeline.
We need to get more whip sounds and saxophones in contemporary songs. This is a cultural issue.
November 24, 2025 at 1:14 PM
We need to get more whip sounds and saxophones in contemporary songs. This is a cultural issue.
Resisting the late middle aged ex-punk rocker urge to eulogize Jimmy Cliff even though I never listened to him.
November 24, 2025 at 12:50 PM
Resisting the late middle aged ex-punk rocker urge to eulogize Jimmy Cliff even though I never listened to him.
One thing Magic the Gathering players love to do is look at their opening hand and sigh really forcefully so you get a full double lung of their breath directly in your face.
November 22, 2025 at 4:43 AM
One thing Magic the Gathering players love to do is look at their opening hand and sigh really forcefully so you get a full double lung of their breath directly in your face.
Not sure if I like Pluribus but IS interesting.
November 22, 2025 at 4:35 AM
Not sure if I like Pluribus but IS interesting.
@cheatsy.bsky.social miss you, bb, hope you are good.
November 21, 2025 at 4:30 PM
@cheatsy.bsky.social miss you, bb, hope you are good.
Just got a scam email about a distant relative dying so shits getting dark.
November 21, 2025 at 4:46 AM
Just got a scam email about a distant relative dying so shits getting dark.
Also increasingly clear if we gassed every pedo we find the entire world would be so much better for it than I suspected and I suspected it would be quite a bit better initially.
No chance anyone I admire is in these files Brad. Thanks though.
November 19, 2025 at 1:32 PM
Also increasingly clear if we gassed every pedo we find the entire world would be so much better for it than I suspected and I suspected it would be quite a bit better initially.
No chance anyone I admire is in these files Brad. Thanks though.
November 19, 2025 at 1:24 PM
No chance anyone I admire is in these files Brad. Thanks though.
Me after fighting through insomnia last night: surely drinking coffee at 6 o’clock will turn out fine.
November 16, 2025 at 11:49 PM
Me after fighting through insomnia last night: surely drinking coffee at 6 o’clock will turn out fine.
What are your top 5 movie genres? Mine are:
Everything is computer
That’s not supposed to be in space!
Jaoqiun Phoenix is a weird lil guy
We need a diverse group of ne’er do wells to complete a task
All these actors met at an improv class
Everything is computer
That’s not supposed to be in space!
Jaoqiun Phoenix is a weird lil guy
We need a diverse group of ne’er do wells to complete a task
All these actors met at an improv class
What are your top 5 movie genres? Mine are:
Billy Zane Has A Gun
How Can I Reach These Kids
Gift of The Magi
Little British Maids
Die Hard On A ______
Billy Zane Has A Gun
How Can I Reach These Kids
Gift of The Magi
Little British Maids
Die Hard On A ______
What are your top 5 movie genres? Mine are:
-Awkward teen gets shit together
-Awkward sports team gets shit together
-Seven murderers get together, save town whose shit is not together
-Two people, whose shit is not together, meet, fall in love, break up, get shit together, get together
-Revenge
-Awkward teen gets shit together
-Awkward sports team gets shit together
-Seven murderers get together, save town whose shit is not together
-Two people, whose shit is not together, meet, fall in love, break up, get shit together, get together
-Revenge
November 16, 2025 at 10:07 PM
What are your top 5 movie genres? Mine are:
Everything is computer
That’s not supposed to be in space!
Jaoqiun Phoenix is a weird lil guy
We need a diverse group of ne’er do wells to complete a task
All these actors met at an improv class
Everything is computer
That’s not supposed to be in space!
Jaoqiun Phoenix is a weird lil guy
We need a diverse group of ne’er do wells to complete a task
All these actors met at an improv class
Stayed up until 3 am watching Eddington which probably says some things about my mental health I’d rather not interrogate.
November 16, 2025 at 9:11 PM
Stayed up until 3 am watching Eddington which probably says some things about my mental health I’d rather not interrogate.
Reposted by the weird machine
[DM who has only played Baldur's Gate 3 running session zero of their first tabletop campaign] ok what vulva style are you thinking of taking
November 14, 2025 at 12:12 PM
[DM who has only played Baldur's Gate 3 running session zero of their first tabletop campaign] ok what vulva style are you thinking of taking
Happy for jacket and coat weather. I love jackets and coats. I need to buy some new jackets and coats. And some winter hats.
November 10, 2025 at 10:40 PM
Happy for jacket and coat weather. I love jackets and coats. I need to buy some new jackets and coats. And some winter hats.
Just sitting directly under the speaker at the orthodontics office blasting contemporary country music where all songs are strummy acoustic guitars over an r&b drum track with the same exact vocal cadence ripped from a 2010’s vocoder hip-hop song thinking about the collapse of democracy
November 10, 2025 at 8:20 PM
Just sitting directly under the speaker at the orthodontics office blasting contemporary country music where all songs are strummy acoustic guitars over an r&b drum track with the same exact vocal cadence ripped from a 2010’s vocoder hip-hop song thinking about the collapse of democracy
2026 lining up to be a completely fucked year personally, professionally, financially, nationally and globally so yeah let’s…I guess…just…fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck
November 1, 2025 at 11:17 PM
2026 lining up to be a completely fucked year personally, professionally, financially, nationally and globally so yeah let’s…I guess…just…fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck
This would explain a lot. I pruned all my “functioning adult” synapses and left myself incapable of giving a fuck about my lawn. My bad I guess.
too late; for i have already pictured myself as the hyperphantasic adult who can conjure visual fantasy worlds and you as the typical imager with pruned neuronal connections
November 1, 2025 at 12:45 PM
This would explain a lot. I pruned all my “functioning adult” synapses and left myself incapable of giving a fuck about my lawn. My bad I guess.
If I was the fattest baseball player on the team and we were down two in the bottom of the ninth and I took a fastball to the back of the hand to get on base and you put in a skinny guy to pinch run for me on global tv I’d be so mad at you.
November 1, 2025 at 3:06 AM
If I was the fattest baseball player on the team and we were down two in the bottom of the ninth and I took a fastball to the back of the hand to get on base and you put in a skinny guy to pinch run for me on global tv I’d be so mad at you.
I refuse to believe “Mookie Betts” is a currently active baseball player and not a name on a 70’s baseball card I inexplicably owned even though I was collecting them in the late 80’s.
November 1, 2025 at 2:35 AM
I refuse to believe “Mookie Betts” is a currently active baseball player and not a name on a 70’s baseball card I inexplicably owned even though I was collecting them in the late 80’s.
