Me four days ago on TikTok: "STOP SPECULATING YOU ASSHOLES. YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT HELICOPTER FLYING."

Guy in a business meeting with me today: "I just wanted to say, I used to fly Blackhawk helicopters..."

Me: 😶

Him: "...and I really appreciated your tiktok."

Me: 😮‍💨

If i ever met robin. #onepiece

Anthem Blue Cross Blue Shield is hosting training tomorrow in the OR for us to learn how to have patients bite on a stick when the anesthesia time clock ends

If you watch Jaws backwards, it’s really a beautiful, uplifting story of a shark overcoming his bulimia.

I'm going to post this video every day so we never forget

Spotify: March was your Francophile Cowgirl Crush Punk phase
Me: Uh huh that’s right
Spotify: In July you had a Surf Princess Girl Math Autoerotic-core moment
Me: I recall that, yes

one of my life hacks for avoiding assassination is not enriching myself through the ruination and enfeeblement of millions of people. So far so good!

If you’re Black and like anime please step into my office