"the menswear guy isn't fair and balanced." do you even hear yourself?

"fork lady is eroding public confidence."

"ladder baby is undermining the credibility of the field."

"lemon raccoon is acting without transparency or accountability."

that's what you sound like.

how do you say “diva down” in Latin

me: about to make stew

him: for dinner? yum

me: *stepping into scalding hot water* stew

him: oh you meant a bath

me: *nodding* stew

him: stew

me: *adding in carrots and celery* stew

him: wait

not everything you love in your teenage years holds up but Green Day was cooking with American Idiot

ME: I didn't choose the thug life

THEM: you're eating soup in a cardigan at 10:30 on a Tuesday morning

ME: I could not have been more clear

Cats slowly blink to show affection, indicating that they don't see you as prey or a threat. I'm other words, cats don't say I love you, they say "I have no plans to kill you," and I think that's beautiful.

[closes book, slowly removes glasses, and thoughtfully cleans them with a small cloth] I honestly don't think Waldo is in there

on “Wonderful Christmastime,” Sir Paul McCartney set out to make a timeless christmas classic and also to figure out what every button on his synthesizer did, and he absolutely succeeded at one of those things