I frew up

All super rich guys sound the same now. It’s all “I sleep four hours a night and spend the other twenty hours a day developing a product that’s going to bring us the best widespread poverty anyone’s ever seen.”

guys I'm starting to think that the Computer is Bad

The worst thing about being middle aged is realizing you’re only halfway done with this bullshit

someone brought an angle grinder to a bike fight. this lock continues to be one of the best $100 purchases i have ever made. i guess this is an accidental #ad.

i knew it was too hot to draw on some eyebrows today. i look like a very disappointed groucho marx

Don’t send me an unsolicited picture of your peewee cocktapus unless you want me to…
A: find your mom’s Facebook
B: find a picture she uploaded of you reminiscing about what a nice young man you were
C: badly photoshop that into a locket
D: convince you I’m your daughter.

Happy Father’s Day Daddy.

we never should’ve given power to the nerds. the jocks shouldn’t have it either. we must usher in the age of the goths

The only upside to AI absorbing everything I write is that I’m helping teach the machine to fucking hate itself

What’s the difference between quitting your job over editorial interference by a billionaire owner seeking to curry favor with the president and quitting your job bc you’re mad the boss didn’t crack down on your coworkers engaging in protected concerted activity? A Pulitzer

Few things give me more pleasure than being on a train absolutely hauling ass past stopped traffic.

get you a man who looks at you the way Nick Cave looks at the people in the pit during a show

how close to 40 are y’all? I’m “havin’ a great time washing the antique rug outside with a hose and broom” kind of close, myself

This is pornography 😳