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𝙹𝚘𝚑𝚗 𝙲𝚊𝚛𝚙𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛'𝚜 𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐍𝚙𝚒𝚛𝚎𝚜

@outlawvern.bsky.social

5.5K followers 540 following 2.2K posts

A shadowy flight into the dangerous world of a critic who does not exist. Movie reviews: outlawvern.com. Books I wrote: http://amzn.to/2om4NPP. Patreon: patreon.com/outlawvern

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𝙹𝚘𝚑𝚗 𝙲𝚊𝚛𝚙𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛'𝚜 𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐍𝚙𝚒𝚛𝚎𝚜 @outlawvern.bsky.social · Oct 31

Happy Halloween, here is your treat: my new essay on A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET, the movie that made me a horror fan, and what it says to me about how to live today.
🎥

A Nightmare On Elm Street (revisit) | VERN'S REVIEWS on the FILMS of CINEMA

Every Halloween if I'm able to I like to write an essay on one of the great horror movies. This particular one is very important to me in part because it's

outlawvern.com

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𝙹𝚘𝚑𝚗 𝙲𝚊𝚛𝚙𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛'𝚜 𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐍𝚙𝚒𝚛𝚎𝚜 @outlawvern.bsky.social · 10h

The more I think about CLOWN IN A CORNFIELD the less I believe that there would be a brand of corn syrup with a clown mascot and the clown's name is Frendo and everybody knows the name and there's merch.

𝙹𝚘𝚑𝚗 𝙲𝚊𝚛𝚙𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛'𝚜 𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐍𝚙𝚒𝚛𝚎𝚜 @outlawvern.bsky.social · 6d

Today I have a double feature of teen-slasher-based horror comedies, HELL OF A SUMMER and CLOWN IN A CORNFIELD.

Hell of a Summer / Clown in a Cornfield | VERN'S REVIEWS on the FILMS of CINEMA

HELL OF A SUMMER (2023) is a horror comedy playing off of the format of FRIDAY THE 13TH and other summer camp slashers. It's not like a Jason movie, it's

outlawvern.com

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𝙹𝚘𝚑𝚗 𝙲𝚊𝚛𝚙𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛'𝚜 𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐍𝚙𝚒𝚛𝚎𝚜 @outlawvern.bsky.social · 18h

For this I recommend the 1982 Japanese punk rock vs. "Battle Cops" DIY epic.

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Lupita Nihongo @otsumamiboy.bsky.social · Mar 4

I understand the words 'there is no ethical consumption under capitalism' but nobody told me that meant that if I watched Jake the Snake Roberts vs William Regal in 1992 there would be no Department of Education in 2025.

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𝙹𝚘𝚑𝚗 𝙲𝚊𝚛𝚙𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛'𝚜 𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐍𝚙𝚒𝚛𝚎𝚜 @outlawvern.bsky.social · 20h

Or better yet the Seattle Tourism Board, they let them film in the real underground Seattle this time and set up a permanent animatronic Gabriel attraction.

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Reposted by 𝙹𝚘𝚑𝚗 𝙲𝚊𝚛𝚙𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛'𝚜 𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐍𝚙𝚒𝚛𝚎𝚜

Ed Burmila @edburmila.bsky.social · 1d

Oh shit. President Crimes and his crimes friends are committing crimes with the fake money for doing crimes. Have you guys seen this.

August J. Pollak @augustjpollak.bsky.social · 1d

I love how the big news on Trump’s tariff announcement is how moments before he made it a bunch of people made insanely profitable shorts on crypto, a thing that Bitcoin Bros are all astounded to see happening in a completely unregulated market of a fake currency primarily used by criminals.

BREAKING: Look at this.

A new crypto account was opened yesterday morning.

30 minutes BEFORE Trump's announcement of 100% tariffs on China, it added a huge multi-million dollar levered Bitcoin short position, per YF.

The market dumped.

The trader made a profit of $192 million in two hours.

Unusual.

JUST IN: An anonymous trader opened massive crypto short positions just 30 minutes before Trump’s tariff announcements yesterday.

They made an estimated $192M in profits.

Donald Trump needs to go to jail. He is thief, he is literally robbing people internationally.

He announced 100% Tarrifs on China and sends the US stock market into a death spiral.

At the same time someone put over 1 Billion dollars into crypto with orders for 100 million being placed on Ethereum and Bitcoin and other crypto currencies across the board whilst markets got wiped after what he said. Billions, and I mean fucking billions got wiped out, whilst Bitcoin had it a biggest dip ever in a single candle losing 20k per Bitcoin, Whilst alt coins lost over 60-70% of value, everyone with leverage on the market with even 2 x leverage got murdered and robbed.

This was co ordinated, this was market manipulation with one anonymous wallet making over 200 million dollars in one day with trades showing that they knew Trump was going to announce this and crash the market.

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𝙹𝚘𝚑𝚗 𝙲𝚊𝚛𝚙𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛'𝚜 𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐍𝚙𝚒𝚛𝚎𝚜 @outlawvern.bsky.social · 22h

I need Schilling, Yonder or Seattle Cider to sponsor the Gabriel Universe so we can get MALIGNANT 2.

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𝙹𝚘𝚑𝚗 𝙲𝚊𝚛𝚙𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛'𝚜 𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐍𝚙𝚒𝚛𝚎𝚜 @outlawvern.bsky.social · 1d

I gotta go with RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD. (spoiler.)

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𝙹𝚘𝚑𝚗 𝙲𝚊𝚛𝚙𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛'𝚜 𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐍𝚙𝚒𝚛𝚎𝚜 @outlawvern.bsky.social · 1d

Unfortunately this is the only thing I've reviewed with Irwin Allen's name on the credits. :(

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𝙹𝚘𝚑𝚗 𝙲𝚊𝚛𝚙𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛'𝚜 𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐍𝚙𝚒𝚛𝚎𝚜 @outlawvern.bsky.social · 1d

Some of their best work.

𝙹𝚘𝚑𝚗 𝙲𝚊𝚛𝚙𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛'𝚜 𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐍𝚙𝚒𝚛𝚎𝚜 @outlawvern.bsky.social · 1d

In SIGNIFICANT OTHER (2022), Maika Monroe and Jake Lacy play a couple who are already experiencing enough tension on their hiking trip *before* they run into the extra-terrestrial shapeshifter.

Significant Other | VERN'S REVIEWS on the FILMS of CINEMA

When I was writing about VILLAINS the other day I looked up its writing/directing team of Dan Berk & Robert Olsen, and realized I’d already seen 3/5 of

outlawvern.com

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bort @crushbort.bsky.social · 1d

is it not weird that every day there’s a new video of anonymous masked men having the time of their lives beating/shooting/disappearing people and the dem response from the top down is “republicans want to double your health insurance premiums”

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𝙹𝚘𝚑𝚗 𝙲𝚊𝚛𝚙𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛'𝚜 𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐍𝚙𝚒𝚛𝚎𝚜 @outlawvern.bsky.social · 2d

In 2018 I was going through some stuff and I wrote a very personal essay interpreting what was then the entire HALLOWEEN franchise. I think it's pretty good so check it out some time.

The Shape of Evil: Confronting darkness through the ‘Halloween’ series | VERN'S REVIEWS on the FILMS of CINEMA

Two years ago, but it seems closer to ten, a nice deputy editor for a new publication approached me to write a piece. He had been reading me forever and was

outlawvern.com

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𝙹𝚘𝚑𝚗 𝙲𝚊𝚛𝚙𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛'𝚜 𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐍𝚙𝚒𝚛𝚎𝚜 @outlawvern.bsky.social · 2d

A scene from THE THOUSAND FACES OF DUNJIA with seven kung fu warriors looking at Chris Cilliza with a skepticism bordering on contempt bordering on feeling a responsibility to have him committed for his own safety

𝙹𝚘𝚑𝚗 𝙲𝚊𝚛𝚙𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛'𝚜 𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐍𝚙𝚒𝚛𝚎𝚜 @outlawvern.bsky.social · 2d

I'm aching all over after booster shots yesterday but I know it means my body is armoring up.

a man in a blue shirt is standing in front of a rocky cliff .

Alt: a man in a blue shirt is standing in front of a rocky cliff . He jumps off and before he lands he has armored up into The Guyver and it's the coolest shit you have ever heard described, believe me.

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𝙹𝚘𝚑𝚗 𝙲𝚊𝚛𝚙𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛'𝚜 𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐍𝚙𝚒𝚛𝚎𝚜 @outlawvern.bsky.social · 2d

In VILLAINS (2019), Maika Monroe and Bill Skarsgård play dirtbag sweethearts who try to do the right thing after breaking into a house and discovering the owners (Jeffrey Donovan and Kyra Sedgwick) have a little girl chained up in the basement.

Villains | VERN'S REVIEWS on the FILMS of CINEMA

VILLAINS is a 2019 indie movie I’ve wondered about for a while. It uses the reliable formula “somebody tries to rob a house and discovers a horrific thing

outlawvern.com

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𝙹𝚘𝚑𝚗 𝙲𝚊𝚛𝚙𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛'𝚜 𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐍𝚙𝚒𝚛𝚎𝚜 @outlawvern.bsky.social · 2d

Unfortunately nobody present knows it's wrong so they also keep making fun of it for sounding (they think) like puss.

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𝙹𝚘𝚑𝚗 𝙲𝚊𝚛𝚙𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛'𝚜 𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐍𝚙𝚒𝚛𝚎𝚜 @outlawvern.bsky.social · 2d

That part is grating but it's interesting. The short version is that he was (allegedly) a corrupt gangster of a cop whose cover story after murdering his wife was turned into a popular motion picture franchise.

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𝙹𝚘𝚑𝚗 𝙲𝚊𝚛𝚙𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛'𝚜 𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐍𝚙𝚒𝚛𝚎𝚜 @outlawvern.bsky.social · 2d

I'm enjoying the Behind the Bastards two-parter on Buford Pusser (I didn't know all this) while alternating by being amused by his lack of pop culture knowledge and being tortured by it. (He definitely hasn't seen WALKING TALL because he pronounces Pusser wrong over four hundred thousand times.)

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𝙹𝚘𝚑𝚗 𝙲𝚊𝚛𝚙𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛'𝚜 𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐍𝚙𝚒𝚛𝚎𝚜 @outlawvern.bsky.social · 2d

Unfortunately not available digitally and the DVD is unaffordable on ebay. People have suggested they might be intentionally burying it, which seems paranoid, but I don't know why else they wouldn't at least have it on VOD right now.

𝙹𝚘𝚑𝚗 𝙲𝚊𝚛𝚙𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛'𝚜 𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐍𝚙𝚒𝚛𝚎𝚜 @outlawvern.bsky.social · 2d

I also recommend Hyams' bullriding doc RANK (2006), which would be much harder for The Rock to re-enact.

Rank | VERN'S REVIEWS on the FILMS of CINEMA

Okay, my last two reviews brought out everybody's expertise of mixed martial arts competitions and professional wrestling. Let's see how you guys do with this

outlawvern.com

𝙹𝚘𝚑𝚗 𝙲𝚊𝚛𝚙𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛'𝚜 𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐍𝚙𝚒𝚛𝚎𝚜 @outlawvern.bsky.social · 2d

I had to watch it after UNIVERSAL SOLDIER: REGENERATION knocked me on my ass.

Vern is shocked how good UNIVERSAL SOLDIER REGENERATION is!!! | VERN'S REVIEWS on the FILMS of CINEMA

"Why me Lord? What have I ever done / That was worth even one / Of the pleasures I've known / Tell me Lord, what did I ever do / That was worth loving you /

outlawvern.com

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𝙹𝚘𝚑𝚗 𝙲𝚊𝚛𝚙𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛'𝚜 𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐍𝚙𝚒𝚛𝚎𝚜 @outlawvern.bsky.social · 2d

And here's when I reviewed the original documentary 15 years ago.

The Smashing Machine | VERN'S REVIEWS on the FILMS of CINEMA

THE SMASHING MACHINE is a documentary about Mark Kerr, at the time an undefeated fighter in UFC, Pride and other mixed martial arts competitions. The director

outlawvern.com

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𝙹𝚘𝚑𝚗 𝙲𝚊𝚛𝚙𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛'𝚜 𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐍𝚙𝚒𝚛𝚎𝚜 @outlawvern.bsky.social · 2d

Oh, sorry, I missed the "living" part. So it's Ghostface.

𝙹𝚘𝚑𝚗 𝙲𝚊𝚛𝚙𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛'𝚜 𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐍𝚙𝚒𝚛𝚎𝚜 @outlawvern.bsky.social · 2d

My favorites are Ghostface Killah and MF Doom. They're like Cormac McCarthy to me where just the sound of the words is beautiful before I figure out what they mean. They have phrasings that sound perfectly natural but that I can't imagine anyone else using. Incredible imagery, funny dialogue.

Emily, a Two-Shoes-Gooder @rebelmusicteach.bsky.social · 6d

I also need to know: I am fairly middle-of-the-road on Taylor Swift but someone I know called her the Greatest Living Lyricist. She is not.

Who is yours? Either the greatest or your favorite?

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𝙹𝚘𝚑𝚗 𝙲𝚊𝚛𝚙𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛'𝚜 𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐍𝚙𝚒𝚛𝚎𝚜 @outlawvern.bsky.social · 3d

Oh damn, I already used my IMMACULATE/FIRST OMEN review for a different topic. You know what's a really interesting and thoughtful (but flawed) religious horror movie? Paul Schrader's DOMINION: PREQUEL TO THE EXORCIST.

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