Anthony D. Herrera
@aherrera.bsky.social
Writer from San Antonio, Tx. My debut novel Aickman: Tales of a Normal Childhood is available now on Amazon: https://a.co/d/h3aCvnK
There’s nothing wrong with me. That’s why I’m so fucked up.
January 19, 2026 at 1:56 AM
There’s nothing wrong with me. That’s why I’m so fucked up.
My ventriloquist dummy, Hispanic Colin, is racist against marionettes and sock puppets. Calls them Maries and Sockos. Says all Sockos stink and the Maries killed Christ and he says to me that I should go for walks or talk to somebody. Says he and my family are worried. Just all sorts of wrong shit.
January 18, 2026 at 7:30 PM
My ventriloquist dummy, Hispanic Colin, is racist against marionettes and sock puppets. Calls them Maries and Sockos. Says all Sockos stink and the Maries killed Christ and he says to me that I should go for walks or talk to somebody. Says he and my family are worried. Just all sorts of wrong shit.
In the course of my duties at work yesterday I had a substantial mist of garbage juice sprayed directly at my face. Never felt so fucking alive.
January 18, 2026 at 6:41 PM
In the course of my duties at work yesterday I had a substantial mist of garbage juice sprayed directly at my face. Never felt so fucking alive.
Got my neighbor to make clones of me so I can take the podcast game to the next level but all the clones do is kiss each other all day.
January 18, 2026 at 3:58 AM
Got my neighbor to make clones of me so I can take the podcast game to the next level but all the clones do is kiss each other all day.
Talking to an old friend I haven't seen since college. Turns out he got involved in a whole Tetsuo: The Iron Man type scenario right after graduation. Tried to remake the world of flesh into an orgy of steel, rust, and flame. Didn't work out but he seems happy enough working for Geico now.
January 18, 2026 at 12:33 AM
Talking to an old friend I haven't seen since college. Turns out he got involved in a whole Tetsuo: The Iron Man type scenario right after graduation. Tried to remake the world of flesh into an orgy of steel, rust, and flame. Didn't work out but he seems happy enough working for Geico now.
When Forrest Gump talks about how he prematurely ejaculated after touching Jenny's breast he is telling that story to a woman with a baby at a bus stop.
January 18, 2026 at 12:30 AM
When Forrest Gump talks about how he prematurely ejaculated after touching Jenny's breast he is telling that story to a woman with a baby at a bus stop.
There's essentially two Dairy Queens that being the one that operates throughout the U.S. and the rest of the world and The Texas Dairy Queen Operators Council (TDQOC) which has a separate menu and website from the rest of the franchises. Anyway, it's the TDQOC that has declared me "The Opps."
January 16, 2026 at 5:51 PM
There's essentially two Dairy Queens that being the one that operates throughout the U.S. and the rest of the world and The Texas Dairy Queen Operators Council (TDQOC) which has a separate menu and website from the rest of the franchises. Anyway, it's the TDQOC that has declared me "The Opps."
I once tricked my cousin into driving me to Toronto by asking him for a ride to a new Arby's that opened up and saying, "It's just a bit further," every 7 minutes for two days.
January 16, 2026 at 5:03 PM
I once tricked my cousin into driving me to Toronto by asking him for a ride to a new Arby's that opened up and saying, "It's just a bit further," every 7 minutes for two days.
If your child loses their favorite toy just tell them that it went to Hell for being a sinner.
January 16, 2026 at 4:57 PM
If your child loses their favorite toy just tell them that it went to Hell for being a sinner.
As a fat man, I've always dreamed of owning this outfit that John Candy wears in Who's Harry Crumb.
January 16, 2026 at 4:49 PM
As a fat man, I've always dreamed of owning this outfit that John Candy wears in Who's Harry Crumb.
Reposted by Anthony D. Herrera
Swarmed by Hummingbirds. They think my sweat is nectar. The media has dubbed me “blessed” but I‘m just fucking terrified.
January 14, 2026 at 2:52 AM
Swarmed by Hummingbirds. They think my sweat is nectar. The media has dubbed me “blessed” but I‘m just fucking terrified.
Swarmed by Hummingbirds. They think my sweat is nectar. The media has dubbed me “blessed” but I‘m just fucking terrified.
January 14, 2026 at 2:52 AM
Swarmed by Hummingbirds. They think my sweat is nectar. The media has dubbed me “blessed” but I‘m just fucking terrified.
Walking to the store when I doubled-over from a sudden sharp pain in my abdomen. At the same moment, an immense bird-of-prey descended on me. Snap of talon. Rage of feathers. In moments it was away and in its beak, wriggling like a worm, was my furiously engorged appendix. Dr. Falcon strikes again.
January 13, 2026 at 10:12 PM
Walking to the store when I doubled-over from a sudden sharp pain in my abdomen. At the same moment, an immense bird-of-prey descended on me. Snap of talon. Rage of feathers. In moments it was away and in its beak, wriggling like a worm, was my furiously engorged appendix. Dr. Falcon strikes again.
There's this new radio station that between songs plays these blurbs that reference recent San Antonio history like, "Smell the fires of The September Men. Their epiphany lies on Loop 410," and it's like their company headquarters is based in Boulder, CO. They know nothing of The September Men.
January 13, 2026 at 6:37 AM
There's this new radio station that between songs plays these blurbs that reference recent San Antonio history like, "Smell the fires of The September Men. Their epiphany lies on Loop 410," and it's like their company headquarters is based in Boulder, CO. They know nothing of The September Men.
For me the most fascinating airship disaster was the R87 which on June 12, 1929 was literally batted out of the sky by a gigantic cat and carried off in the jaws of the immense feline. No physical remains of the ship, its passengers, or the cat were ever found.
January 11, 2026 at 4:32 PM
For me the most fascinating airship disaster was the R87 which on June 12, 1929 was literally batted out of the sky by a gigantic cat and carried off in the jaws of the immense feline. No physical remains of the ship, its passengers, or the cat were ever found.
(Godzilla is destroying my city while wearing a gigantic pink cowboy hat)
Me (pointing up at Godzilla): Ok, so you got a cool hat? THAT DON'T IMPRESS ME MUCH!
Me (pointing up at Godzilla): Ok, so you got a cool hat? THAT DON'T IMPRESS ME MUCH!
January 11, 2026 at 4:28 PM
(Godzilla is destroying my city while wearing a gigantic pink cowboy hat)
Me (pointing up at Godzilla): Ok, so you got a cool hat? THAT DON'T IMPRESS ME MUCH!
Me (pointing up at Godzilla): Ok, so you got a cool hat? THAT DON'T IMPRESS ME MUCH!
Taping wireless chargers to my skull so the memories of my grandmother will glow like a bomb blast and smell like car batteries instead of piss.
January 11, 2026 at 3:11 AM
Taping wireless chargers to my skull so the memories of my grandmother will glow like a bomb blast and smell like car batteries instead of piss.
Reposted by Anthony D. Herrera
Boiling up some McNuggets and Funyun dust to make a hearty stock for future use.
January 10, 2026 at 2:03 PM
Boiling up some McNuggets and Funyun dust to make a hearty stock for future use.
Reposted by Anthony D. Herrera
My doctor just admitted that he's been secretly replacing my bones with the bones of his dead Malamute Barnabas. I had my suspicions (shrinking frame, ill-fitting skin, elongated face) but my therapist, who looks a lot like my doctor but with a beard made of malamute hair, told me not to worry.
January 9, 2026 at 6:35 PM
My doctor just admitted that he's been secretly replacing my bones with the bones of his dead Malamute Barnabas. I had my suspicions (shrinking frame, ill-fitting skin, elongated face) but my therapist, who looks a lot like my doctor but with a beard made of malamute hair, told me not to worry.
Boiling up some McNuggets and Funyun dust to make a hearty stock for future use.
January 10, 2026 at 2:03 PM
Boiling up some McNuggets and Funyun dust to make a hearty stock for future use.
Reposted by Anthony D. Herrera
They’ll kill you for trying to fetch a pail of water it’s all a goddamn conspiracy
January 10, 2026 at 1:05 PM
They’ll kill you for trying to fetch a pail of water it’s all a goddamn conspiracy
My doctor just admitted that he's been secretly replacing my bones with the bones of his dead Malamute Barnabas. I had my suspicions (shrinking frame, ill-fitting skin, elongated face) but my therapist, who looks a lot like my doctor but with a beard made of malamute hair, told me not to worry.
January 9, 2026 at 6:35 PM
My doctor just admitted that he's been secretly replacing my bones with the bones of his dead Malamute Barnabas. I had my suspicions (shrinking frame, ill-fitting skin, elongated face) but my therapist, who looks a lot like my doctor but with a beard made of malamute hair, told me not to worry.
The backup camera on our car started showing us images of a figure that we call Mr. Traipse menacing the elderly on a beach with no ocean so we've stopped reversing all together leading to some legal issues but also a positive realignment of our values and ethos.
January 7, 2026 at 7:24 PM
The backup camera on our car started showing us images of a figure that we call Mr. Traipse menacing the elderly on a beach with no ocean so we've stopped reversing all together leading to some legal issues but also a positive realignment of our values and ethos.
Reposted by Anthony D. Herrera
Do you think the meat that terminators wear over their metal skeletons tastes good?
December 23, 2024 at 9:53 PM
Do you think the meat that terminators wear over their metal skeletons tastes good?
At what point do you decide that washing a dish isn't worth it and just throw it out because I feel like my threshold is ridiculously low.
January 5, 2026 at 9:48 PM
At what point do you decide that washing a dish isn't worth it and just throw it out because I feel like my threshold is ridiculously low.