Andy Penman
@andypenman85.bsky.social
Here for jokes and fantasy football, mostly. A Jesus guy in (more or less) Glasgow
Pinned
Andy Penman
@andypenman85.bsky.social
· Aug 15
#FPL 2025-26, let’s go! Starting with double Liverpool, Palace, Chelsea, Villa and Forest…plus a solitary Man City ✌️
Reposted by Andy Penman
Christmas CANCELLED in London 💔🎄
December 9, 2025 at 3:53 PM
Christmas CANCELLED in London 💔🎄
On the one hand: oh dear, Calafiori’s yellow card means I won’t have double Arsenal defence for their next game v Wolves
On the other hand: neither will anyone else at this rate so it’s fine
On the mysterious other other hand: 1 clean sheet in their last 6 all comps. So…🤷🏻♂️?
#FPL
On the other hand: neither will anyone else at this rate so it’s fine
On the mysterious other other hand: 1 clean sheet in their last 6 all comps. So…🤷🏻♂️?
#FPL
December 6, 2025 at 5:04 PM
On the one hand: oh dear, Calafiori’s yellow card means I won’t have double Arsenal defence for their next game v Wolves
On the other hand: neither will anyone else at this rate so it’s fine
On the mysterious other other hand: 1 clean sheet in their last 6 all comps. So…🤷🏻♂️?
#FPL
On the other hand: neither will anyone else at this rate so it’s fine
On the mysterious other other hand: 1 clean sheet in their last 6 all comps. So…🤷🏻♂️?
#FPL
27 years ago, at a mere 13 years old, I watched Scotland at their last World Cup fall to glorious defeat against Brazil, fudge a draw against an inferior team, then contrive to lose to Morocco. Next year, my 13 year old son gets to have the same experience. #WorldCup2026
Outlander Scotland GIF
ALT: Outlander Scotland GIF
media.tenor.com
December 5, 2025 at 7:50 PM
27 years ago, at a mere 13 years old, I watched Scotland at their last World Cup fall to glorious defeat against Brazil, fudge a draw against an inferior team, then contrive to lose to Morocco. Next year, my 13 year old son gets to have the same experience. #WorldCup2026
Reposted by Andy Penman
Manager: You design that peace prize trophy for trump?
Sculptor: Sure did boss, the demonic hands of hell grasping as if to drag the entire world down with them, just like you asked.
Manager: Y'know what fine
Sculptor: Sure did boss, the demonic hands of hell grasping as if to drag the entire world down with them, just like you asked.
Manager: Y'know what fine
December 5, 2025 at 5:37 PM
Manager: You design that peace prize trophy for trump?
Sculptor: Sure did boss, the demonic hands of hell grasping as if to drag the entire world down with them, just like you asked.
Manager: Y'know what fine
Sculptor: Sure did boss, the demonic hands of hell grasping as if to drag the entire world down with them, just like you asked.
Manager: Y'know what fine
Robbie Williams and Nicole Scherzinger there, performing a duet like it’s the X Factor Final 2010 all over again.
December 5, 2025 at 5:22 PM
Robbie Williams and Nicole Scherzinger there, performing a duet like it’s the X Factor Final 2010 all over again.
Players I’m sad I won’t own ahead of #FPL #GW14:
- Gakpo
- Foden
- Yeremy Pino
- Thiago
- Mount & Mbeumo
- Rice
- Gakpo
- Foden
- Yeremy Pino
- Thiago
- Mount & Mbeumo
- Rice
a man in a store with the words " there 's so many delicious choices " above him
ALT: a man in a store with the words " there 's so many delicious choices " above him
media.tenor.com
December 2, 2025 at 4:14 PM
Reposted by Andy Penman
"What's a baby deer called?”
“Fawn!"
“Sorry - what's a baby deer called, O wise and handsome one?"
“Fawn!"
“Sorry - what's a baby deer called, O wise and handsome one?"
July 22, 2025 at 9:26 AM
"What's a baby deer called?”
“Fawn!"
“Sorry - what's a baby deer called, O wise and handsome one?"
“Fawn!"
“Sorry - what's a baby deer called, O wise and handsome one?"
Reposted by Andy Penman
When my wife told me Scandinavian languages don't have the letter 'R' I immediately thought: No way!
December 2, 2025 at 9:52 AM
When my wife told me Scandinavian languages don't have the letter 'R' I immediately thought: No way!
Reposted by Andy Penman
i’m setting you free. i’m releasing you from the discourse
December 2, 2025 at 1:39 AM
i’m setting you free. i’m releasing you from the discourse
Dunno why you’re all getting excited. I’m on a free hit, so Palace and Man United aren’t playing 🤷🏻♂️
November 30, 2025 at 1:05 PM
Dunno why you’re all getting excited. I’m on a free hit, so Palace and Man United aren’t playing 🤷🏻♂️
I was 13 years old when Scotland last played a game at a World Cup. Next summer, my 13 year old and his 10 year old wee brother will get to enjoy it for the first time. What a world! 🏴🏴🏴
#SCODEN #ICanBoogie #FIFAWorldCup
#SCODEN #ICanBoogie #FIFAWorldCup
November 18, 2025 at 10:31 PM
I was 13 years old when Scotland last played a game at a World Cup. Next summer, my 13 year old and his 10 year old wee brother will get to enjoy it for the first time. What a world! 🏴🏴🏴
#SCODEN #ICanBoogie #FIFAWorldCup
#SCODEN #ICanBoogie #FIFAWorldCup
Reposted by Andy Penman
Scotland’s First Minister addresses the nation
November 18, 2025 at 9:48 PM
Scotland’s First Minister addresses the nation
Reposted by Andy Penman
Reposted by Andy Penman
Reposted by Andy Penman
![[Scene is a kitchen - a middle aged woman called JANET is boiling peas at the stove. A younger more colourfully dressed woman named LIZ approached her.]
JANET:
Ugh...
LIZ:
What's up?
JANET:
I am so bored of cooking peas!
LIZ:
Have you tried...
AI peas?
JANET:
AI peas?
LIZ:
They're peas with AI!
[Liz holds up to us a packet of peas labelled: Pea-i AI - Peas with AI].
LIZ:
Al-powered peas harness the potential of your peas
JANET:
What
LIZ [Now a voiceover as we cut to a whizzy technology diagram of peas all connected by meaningless dotted lines]
Why not take your peas to the next level with Al Peas' new Al tools to power your peas?
[Show a techno diagram of a pea with a label reading 'AI' pointing to a random zone in it]
LIZ:
Each pea has Al in a way we haven't quite worked out yet but it's fine
[Show Janet and Liz now in a Matrix-style world of peas]
LIZ:
With Al peas you can supercharge productivity and make AI work for your peas!
JANET:
What
LIZ:
Shut up
LIZ:
Our game-changing Pea-Al gives you the freedom to unlock the potential of the power of the future of your peas workflow
From opening the bag of peas
to boiling the peas
to eating the peas
To spending millions on adding Al to the peas and then having to work out what that even means.
JANET:
Is it really necessary to-
LIZ [Grabbing Janet by the collar]:
THE PEAS HAVE GOT AI, JANET
[Cut to an advert ending screen, with the bag of peas and the slogan:
AI PEAS: Just 'Peas' for god's sake buy the AI peas.
[Ends]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:4m3we4apbjayclzcnhwe3pfp/bafkreiayqa37f7kik7l7s7fbtfp2sir5ckb662ry2lylinyjrfa2rkvvka@jpeg)
Reposted by Andy Penman
My advice: if your chicken mews, check it’s not a kitten.
November 12, 2025 at 8:06 AM
My advice: if your chicken mews, check it’s not a kitten.
Reposted by Andy Penman
Timber wolf: OWOOOOOooooooo…
Timbre wolf: ok that’s a bit reedy, maybe a bit more from the diaphragm yeah?
Timbre wolf: ok that’s a bit reedy, maybe a bit more from the diaphragm yeah?
November 12, 2025 at 8:13 AM
Timber wolf: OWOOOOOooooooo…
Timbre wolf: ok that’s a bit reedy, maybe a bit more from the diaphragm yeah?
Timbre wolf: ok that’s a bit reedy, maybe a bit more from the diaphragm yeah?