Brandon
@brandonjschwartz.com
Law, political theory, language, computers.
Attorney at schwartzapc.com
President at boomajoom.com
Nothing I post is legal advice, and I’m not your attorney. Occasional Escrow Manager.
Attorney at schwartzapc.com
President at boomajoom.com
Nothing I post is legal advice, and I’m not your attorney. Occasional Escrow Manager.
Pinned
Brandon
@brandonjschwartz.com
· Jan 10
If you call fake MAGA Kyle Rittenhouse the murderer a murderer and a homicide, a lot of weirdos will come out of the weeds and try to fight you.
"Yr open mouth awaiting my harvest. Drink from me Charlie Brown. I am a river. You are my canyon. I mean to flow through you. I mean to subdue and tame you. Charlie Brown."
tell me about the waters of your home world, Charlie Brown
This is the water, and this is the well. Drink full and descend, Charlie Brown.
November 24, 2025 at 6:25 PM
"Yr open mouth awaiting my harvest. Drink from me Charlie Brown. I am a river. You are my canyon. I mean to flow through you. I mean to subdue and tame you. Charlie Brown."
In which Justin Riddle claims he has committed a federal sex offense against minors as part of.. um… wait what?
Cc @prog-r0k.bsky.social
Cc @prog-r0k.bsky.social
November 24, 2025 at 6:26 AM
In which Justin Riddle claims he has committed a federal sex offense against minors as part of.. um… wait what?
Cc @prog-r0k.bsky.social
Cc @prog-r0k.bsky.social
It’s Saturday night and Justin Riddle has once again devolved into sexually harassing me.
November 23, 2025 at 3:54 AM
It’s Saturday night and Justin Riddle has once again devolved into sexually harassing me.
Sleaven Crobear.
A turducken,
but it’s croissant, bear claw, cinnamon roll.
but it’s croissant, bear claw, cinnamon roll.
November 22, 2025 at 9:34 PM
Sleaven Crobear.
[Raspy RFK voice followed by a sound indistinguishable from a pickup truck backing up over gravel]
November 22, 2025 at 9:25 PM
[Raspy RFK voice followed by a sound indistinguishable from a pickup truck backing up over gravel]
Reposted by Brandon
wait he just kept going with the bamboo???
November 22, 2025 at 7:19 AM
wait he just kept going with the bamboo???
I’m completely overwhelmed.
I’ve been informed that there’s a NEW game where you move troops across a map, and it’s apparently way more complicated and Excel-like than previous games.
Moving troops around a map is the best way to relax. I will take no questions.
Moving troops around a map is the best way to relax. I will take no questions.
November 22, 2025 at 5:54 AM
I’m completely overwhelmed.
Jeffrey Epstein the climate change doubter?
November 22, 2025 at 12:25 AM
Jeffrey Epstein the climate change doubter?
"Feed this brief into any competent LLM and ask: 'What are the strongest issues on appeal?'"
I'm pretty sure the Fifth Circuit prefers feeding this into a shredder.
I'm pretty sure the Fifth Circuit prefers feeding this into a shredder.
Oh boy...Riddle filed that 66 page garbage for his appeal to the Fifth Circuit.
I look forward to it getting fast-tracked to the trash.
www.courtlistener.com/docket/71930...
I look forward to it getting fast-tracked to the trash.
www.courtlistener.com/docket/71930...
Riddle v. X Corp, 25-50951 - CourtListener.com
Docket for Riddle v. X Corp, 25-50951 — Brought to you by Free Law Project, a non-profit dedicated to creating high quality open legal information.
www.courtlistener.com
November 20, 2025 at 10:56 PM
"Feed this brief into any competent LLM and ask: 'What are the strongest issues on appeal?'"
I'm pretty sure the Fifth Circuit prefers feeding this into a shredder.
I'm pretty sure the Fifth Circuit prefers feeding this into a shredder.
If I had a treacherous eunuch, it would really liven my life up.
November 20, 2025 at 6:56 PM
If I had a treacherous eunuch, it would really liven my life up.
Skill issue.
I have never heard of a default under circumstances remotely like this—the defendant fired his entire defense team, and new lawyers showed up on the first day of trial, and weren’t admitted in the district and one was literally an accused felon out of bail
November 20, 2025 at 3:35 AM
Skill issue.
I’ve been informed that there’s a NEW game where you move troops across a map, and it’s apparently way more complicated and Excel-like than previous games.
Moving troops around a map is the best way to relax. I will take no questions.
Moving troops around a map is the best way to relax. I will take no questions.
November 17, 2025 at 6:15 AM
I’ve been informed that there’s a NEW game where you move troops across a map, and it’s apparently way more complicated and Excel-like than previous games.
Moving troops around a map is the best way to relax. I will take no questions.
Moving troops around a map is the best way to relax. I will take no questions.
Do you think he spit on it?
November 16, 2025 at 5:25 PM
Do you think he spit on it?
Today, I helped a client tell their story. They won. Unequivocally. I am so proud of their bravery, their tenacity, and their honesty. And I’m so humbled and honored that they trusted me to help them organize their story.
They won. And getting to watch that firsthand… Law school was worth it.
They won. And getting to watch that firsthand… Law school was worth it.
November 15, 2025 at 5:30 AM
Today, I helped a client tell their story. They won. Unequivocally. I am so proud of their bravery, their tenacity, and their honesty. And I’m so humbled and honored that they trusted me to help them organize their story.
They won. And getting to watch that firsthand… Law school was worth it.
They won. And getting to watch that firsthand… Law school was worth it.
Woke killed Jeffrey Epstein.
November 13, 2025 at 8:55 PM
Woke killed Jeffrey Epstein.
From: Jeffrey Epstein
hey guys thanks for thanks for comjn to my crime festival
Re: Re: RE: Fwd: Re: rape island (tentative dates)
From: Famous Person
Reply-All
Ur the best buddy!
hey guys thanks for thanks for comjn to my crime festival
Re: Re: RE: Fwd: Re: rape island (tentative dates)
From: Famous Person
Reply-All
Ur the best buddy!
November 13, 2025 at 3:03 PM
From: Jeffrey Epstein
hey guys thanks for thanks for comjn to my crime festival
Re: Re: RE: Fwd: Re: rape island (tentative dates)
From: Famous Person
Reply-All
Ur the best buddy!
hey guys thanks for thanks for comjn to my crime festival
Re: Re: RE: Fwd: Re: rape island (tentative dates)
From: Famous Person
Reply-All
Ur the best buddy!
I like my women the same way I like my coffee: dark, bitter, and prone to giving me third-degree burns in a McDonald's parking lot.
November 6, 2025 at 4:23 PM
I like my women the same way I like my coffee: dark, bitter, and prone to giving me third-degree burns in a McDonald's parking lot.