D.N. Schmidt, sci-fi author🪐📚
@dnschmidt.com
Science fiction novelist and humorist. Follow for stories, jokes, and thoughts about writing and creativity.
Get my books, free stories and writing tips at https://dnschmidt.com. Sign up for email updates so you don’t miss a thing!
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Still miss Firefly and Cowboy Bebop? Try The Screaming Void!
A space junk salvage crew risks their sanity going after a lost ship. Can they keep it from falling into the wrong hands?
🔫 Space gangsters!
🔪 Knife fights!
👽 An alien cult!
↪️ Arrows!
www.amazon.com/dp/B0FP9TZ69D
A space junk salvage crew risks their sanity going after a lost ship. Can they keep it from falling into the wrong hands?
🔫 Space gangsters!
🔪 Knife fights!
👽 An alien cult!
↪️ Arrows!
www.amazon.com/dp/B0FP9TZ69D
You know you talk about Star Wars too much when you start texting your wife "I love yo" and your phone suggests "Yoda".
January 12, 2026 at 2:01 AM
You know you talk about Star Wars too much when you start texting your wife "I love yo" and your phone suggests "Yoda".
"My name's Stewart, but my friends call me Stu. This here is my buddy Tom, but you can call him Tomato Bisque."
January 11, 2026 at 7:51 PM
"My name's Stewart, but my friends call me Stu. This here is my buddy Tom, but you can call him Tomato Bisque."
Clyde wandered through the job fair, exploring his options. Retail, fast food, car wash. Nothing but low-paying boredom.
Turning to go, he saw an odd sign: Humans, Be An Exhibit In A Space Zoo! He walked over to talk to the green alien sitting at the table. "What does an exhibit do?"
#vss 1/3
Turning to go, he saw an odd sign: Humans, Be An Exhibit In A Space Zoo! He walked over to talk to the green alien sitting at the table. "What does an exhibit do?"
#vss 1/3
January 11, 2026 at 7:00 PM
Clyde wandered through the job fair, exploring his options. Retail, fast food, car wash. Nothing but low-paying boredom.
Turning to go, he saw an odd sign: Humans, Be An Exhibit In A Space Zoo! He walked over to talk to the green alien sitting at the table. "What does an exhibit do?"
#vss 1/3
Turning to go, he saw an odd sign: Humans, Be An Exhibit In A Space Zoo! He walked over to talk to the green alien sitting at the table. "What does an exhibit do?"
#vss 1/3
"Oh, the sleet is getting the roads all icy! I'd better drive as fast as possible, so I can get home before the weather gets even worse!" - The driver behind you
January 11, 2026 at 3:30 PM
"Oh, the sleet is getting the roads all icy! I'd better drive as fast as possible, so I can get home before the weather gets even worse!" - The driver behind you
Hi, I'm Jim. I'll be your skydiving instructor today. Don't get scared and pee your pants! It would be pretty embarrassing if we both did it.
January 11, 2026 at 2:26 PM
Hi, I'm Jim. I'll be your skydiving instructor today. Don't get scared and pee your pants! It would be pretty embarrassing if we both did it.
I hate holding garage sales. "The tag says $8, but would you take 75 cents?" No, but it'll be free tomorrow, if you climb in the dumpster.
January 11, 2026 at 1:27 PM
I hate holding garage sales. "The tag says $8, but would you take 75 cents?" No, but it'll be free tomorrow, if you climb in the dumpster.
Ted’s Discount Spaghetti Removal - You make it, we take it! We haul away your carbonara clutter, for less!
January 11, 2026 at 4:09 AM
Ted’s Discount Spaghetti Removal - You make it, we take it! We haul away your carbonara clutter, for less!
In case of emergency, break glass. Then if anyone asks you to help with the emergency, say "Sorry, I gotta sweep up all this glass."
January 10, 2026 at 8:54 PM
In case of emergency, break glass. Then if anyone asks you to help with the emergency, say "Sorry, I gotta sweep up all this glass."
"And now it's time for Guess How Many Belly Rubs I Want! Remember, contestants, guess wrong and you get the claws!" - Cat game shows
January 10, 2026 at 7:45 PM
"And now it's time for Guess How Many Belly Rubs I Want! Remember, contestants, guess wrong and you get the claws!" - Cat game shows
"You've got stretched lobes and piercings? Me too! We should hang out!" - Ear buds
January 10, 2026 at 1:53 PM
"You've got stretched lobes and piercings? Me too! We should hang out!" - Ear buds
The airship marshal drew his pistol. Captain Bora, the air pirate queen, was just inches away, #unmissable. She'd finally been caught.
"Shoot," she said, "or I'll call my men. Do it!"
He fired. The bullet passed through her like shooting into smoke. So it was true. She really was a ghost.
#vss365
"Shoot," she said, "or I'll call my men. Do it!"
He fired. The bullet passed through her like shooting into smoke. So it was true. She really was a ghost.
#vss365
January 10, 2026 at 1:26 PM
The airship marshal drew his pistol. Captain Bora, the air pirate queen, was just inches away, #unmissable. She'd finally been caught.
"Shoot," she said, "or I'll call my men. Do it!"
He fired. The bullet passed through her like shooting into smoke. So it was true. She really was a ghost.
#vss365
"Shoot," she said, "or I'll call my men. Do it!"
He fired. The bullet passed through her like shooting into smoke. So it was true. She really was a ghost.
#vss365
“When I unleash my army of mutant monsters, there will be chay-ohs in the streets! Pure and utter chay-ohs!”
“…Um, boss, are you trying to say chaos?”
“Oh whatever. I’m going to make sure they eat you first.”
“…Um, boss, are you trying to say chaos?”
“Oh whatever. I’m going to make sure they eat you first.”
January 9, 2026 at 6:03 PM
“When I unleash my army of mutant monsters, there will be chay-ohs in the streets! Pure and utter chay-ohs!”
“…Um, boss, are you trying to say chaos?”
“Oh whatever. I’m going to make sure they eat you first.”
“…Um, boss, are you trying to say chaos?”
“Oh whatever. I’m going to make sure they eat you first.”
“Those apps are a waste of money,” Dave grumbled.
“It’s my treat,” Paul said, checking his phone. “Oh, the hotdog stand was closed, so the #delivery guy went to the zoo instead. Do you want a hippo?”
“What? No!”
“Fine, but don’t complain about being hungry when I’m eating my giraffe.”
#vss365
“It’s my treat,” Paul said, checking his phone. “Oh, the hotdog stand was closed, so the #delivery guy went to the zoo instead. Do you want a hippo?”
“What? No!”
“Fine, but don’t complain about being hungry when I’m eating my giraffe.”
#vss365
January 9, 2026 at 3:09 PM
“Oh no!” Jenna ran out to her tool shed. She grabbed a step ladder and her emergency bag and climbed up to the roof of the house.
The stork flew down, carrying a swaddled baby in his beak. “Special #delivery, ma’am!”
She opened the bag and pulled out her pellet gun. “Keep flying, bird.”
#vss365
The stork flew down, carrying a swaddled baby in his beak. “Special #delivery, ma’am!”
She opened the bag and pulled out her pellet gun. “Keep flying, bird.”
#vss365
January 9, 2026 at 12:54 PM
My wife and I went to see some friends in Philadelphia. The visit went horribly. Someone hit our car, and our bags and my wallet went missing. Finally I said, "I just wish this was all a dream!"
And then my alarm went off, and I woke up in bed.
Man, I should have wished for a million dollars.
And then my alarm went off, and I woke up in bed.
Man, I should have wished for a million dollars.
January 9, 2026 at 11:26 AM
My wife and I went to see some friends in Philadelphia. The visit went horribly. Someone hit our car, and our bags and my wallet went missing. Finally I said, "I just wish this was all a dream!"
And then my alarm went off, and I woke up in bed.
Man, I should have wished for a million dollars.
And then my alarm went off, and I woke up in bed.
Man, I should have wished for a million dollars.
Reposted by D.N. Schmidt, sci-fi author🪐📚
!!!!!***SUPPORT INDIE AUTHORS***!!!!!
#FF @dnschmidt.com and for the miserly price of but €9 and €11 you can be the proud owner of TWO tales that will have you laughing fit to split every dang page.
And as if that ain't enough, there is a mental health tie in.
Be #Nike and Just. Do. It!!!!
#FF @dnschmidt.com and for the miserly price of but €9 and €11 you can be the proud owner of TWO tales that will have you laughing fit to split every dang page.
And as if that ain't enough, there is a mental health tie in.
Be #Nike and Just. Do. It!!!!
January 9, 2026 at 9:05 AM
!!!!!***SUPPORT INDIE AUTHORS***!!!!!
#FF @dnschmidt.com and for the miserly price of but €9 and €11 you can be the proud owner of TWO tales that will have you laughing fit to split every dang page.
And as if that ain't enough, there is a mental health tie in.
Be #Nike and Just. Do. It!!!!
#FF @dnschmidt.com and for the miserly price of but €9 and €11 you can be the proud owner of TWO tales that will have you laughing fit to split every dang page.
And as if that ain't enough, there is a mental health tie in.
Be #Nike and Just. Do. It!!!!
Reposted by D.N. Schmidt, sci-fi author🪐📚
🚀 spaceships
🌡️ dark conspiracies
🎭 brotherhood
❌ no romance
🐛 strange creatures
🤖 futuristic
🪐 other worlds
🐈 a rescue cat
🔖 universal link: mybook.to/schU
💌 itch.io link: rebecca-crunden.itch.io/dust-lightning
📖 goodreads: www.goodreads.com/book/show/56...
[ #booksky ]
🌡️ dark conspiracies
🎭 brotherhood
❌ no romance
🐛 strange creatures
🤖 futuristic
🪐 other worlds
🐈 a rescue cat
🔖 universal link: mybook.to/schU
💌 itch.io link: rebecca-crunden.itch.io/dust-lightning
📖 goodreads: www.goodreads.com/book/show/56...
[ #booksky ]
January 7, 2026 at 8:38 PM
🚀 spaceships
🌡️ dark conspiracies
🎭 brotherhood
❌ no romance
🐛 strange creatures
🤖 futuristic
🪐 other worlds
🐈 a rescue cat
🔖 universal link: mybook.to/schU
💌 itch.io link: rebecca-crunden.itch.io/dust-lightning
📖 goodreads: www.goodreads.com/book/show/56...
[ #booksky ]
🌡️ dark conspiracies
🎭 brotherhood
❌ no romance
🐛 strange creatures
🤖 futuristic
🪐 other worlds
🐈 a rescue cat
🔖 universal link: mybook.to/schU
💌 itch.io link: rebecca-crunden.itch.io/dust-lightning
📖 goodreads: www.goodreads.com/book/show/56...
[ #booksky ]
Science fiction short story:
When Earth is visited by seemingly benevolent aliens, Jack is suspicious of humanity's self-appointed guardians. Do humans really need a smarter species to take care of them? Is it still an alien invasion if the aliens only want to help?
www.amazon.com/Proper-Care-...
When Earth is visited by seemingly benevolent aliens, Jack is suspicious of humanity's self-appointed guardians. Do humans really need a smarter species to take care of them? Is it still an alien invasion if the aliens only want to help?
www.amazon.com/Proper-Care-...
The Proper Care and Feeding of Humans
Amazon.com: The Proper Care and Feeding of Humans eBook : Schmidt, D.N.: Kindle Store
www.amazon.com
January 8, 2026 at 7:23 PM
Science fiction short story:
When Earth is visited by seemingly benevolent aliens, Jack is suspicious of humanity's self-appointed guardians. Do humans really need a smarter species to take care of them? Is it still an alien invasion if the aliens only want to help?
www.amazon.com/Proper-Care-...
When Earth is visited by seemingly benevolent aliens, Jack is suspicious of humanity's self-appointed guardians. Do humans really need a smarter species to take care of them? Is it still an alien invasion if the aliens only want to help?
www.amazon.com/Proper-Care-...
Reposted by D.N. Schmidt, sci-fi author🪐📚
My hope for everyone in 2026.
January 8, 2026 at 12:56 AM
My hope for everyone in 2026.
If rocks were politicians, I’m pretty sure my parents would vote to reelect the meteor that killed the dinosaurs.
“Those lizards were probably killed by socialism. And even if he was involved, it’s not like he could squish them again! They’re all safely under museum roofs now.”
“Those lizards were probably killed by socialism. And even if he was involved, it’s not like he could squish them again! They’re all safely under museum roofs now.”
January 8, 2026 at 4:09 PM
If rocks were politicians, I’m pretty sure my parents would vote to reelect the meteor that killed the dinosaurs.
“Those lizards were probably killed by socialism. And even if he was involved, it’s not like he could squish them again! They’re all safely under museum roofs now.”
“Those lizards were probably killed by socialism. And even if he was involved, it’s not like he could squish them again! They’re all safely under museum roofs now.”
Reposted by D.N. Schmidt, sci-fi author🪐📚
Sorry I got confused and yelled “Red rover, red rover!” when your family joined hands to pray before dinner.
January 7, 2026 at 11:34 PM
Sorry I got confused and yelled “Red rover, red rover!” when your family joined hands to pray before dinner.
Reposted by D.N. Schmidt, sci-fi author🪐📚
Tavaron: 'My dad was up on the Hohe Wand and I asked him to give me some pictures for you. He calls the series 'White Christmas'.' Stunning views at h2g2.com/entry/A88080...
January 8, 2026 at 1:34 PM
Tavaron: 'My dad was up on the Hohe Wand and I asked him to give me some pictures for you. He calls the series 'White Christmas'.' Stunning views at h2g2.com/entry/A88080...
Rachel stood before the world-be Mars colonists in a white gown, her hair #adorned with a silver band. “Do I really have to do this?”
The captain patted the pistol in his pocket. “It’s the only way he’ll let us build.”
The astronaut appeared, his helmet’s dark visor hiding his face.
#vss365 1/3
The captain patted the pistol in his pocket. “It’s the only way he’ll let us build.”
The astronaut appeared, his helmet’s dark visor hiding his face.
#vss365 1/3
January 8, 2026 at 1:26 PM
Her: They said the TV was 50" but it's not that long.
Me: You're supposed to measure it diagonally.
Her: Clearly a rule made up by a guy.
Me: You're supposed to measure it diagonally.
Her: Clearly a rule made up by a guy.
January 8, 2026 at 11:33 AM
Her: They said the TV was 50" but it's not that long.
Me: You're supposed to measure it diagonally.
Her: Clearly a rule made up by a guy.
Me: You're supposed to measure it diagonally.
Her: Clearly a rule made up by a guy.
The cat will come back in Avengers: Doomsday. The cat came back, we thought he was a goner, but the cat came back, he just couldn't stay away.
January 7, 2026 at 10:41 PM
The cat will come back in Avengers: Doomsday. The cat came back, we thought he was a goner, but the cat came back, he just couldn't stay away.