Douglas Cheape
@douglascheape.bsky.social
An idiot, but not one of the useful kind.
Happy Thanksgiving America.
November 27, 2025 at 3:54 AM
Happy Thanksgiving America.
Started emptying boxes at 6:45am. I am now fatigued, exhausted, weary, drained, enervated, and frankly, enfeebled.
a dog is sitting on a couch with its eyes closed and a person is standing behind it .
ALT: a dog is sitting on a couch with its eyes closed and a person is standing behind it .
media.tenor.com
November 26, 2025 at 8:24 PM
Started emptying boxes at 6:45am. I am now fatigued, exhausted, weary, drained, enervated, and frankly, enfeebled.
Just a reminder, before AI there was real art.
November 26, 2025 at 8:40 AM
Just a reminder, before AI there was real art.
My darling wife spotted this at the George Square Christmas Market exactly seven years ago...and yes, that is mulled Buckie. #merrypisstmas
November 26, 2025 at 8:35 AM
My darling wife spotted this at the George Square Christmas Market exactly seven years ago...and yes, that is mulled Buckie. #merrypisstmas
Just a quick reminder to be aware that everyone around you is going through some kind of struggle; and you should find out what that is and use it against them.
November 26, 2025 at 8:33 AM
Just a quick reminder to be aware that everyone around you is going through some kind of struggle; and you should find out what that is and use it against them.
A day of toil deserves reward, and in my opinion there is no greater than an Omelette Arnold Bennett.
November 25, 2025 at 9:11 PM
A day of toil deserves reward, and in my opinion there is no greater than an Omelette Arnold Bennett.
Good morning from the new hoose.
November 25, 2025 at 8:12 AM
Good morning from the new hoose.
Breaking News: Just heard our furniture is at last on its way to a freight ship…and arriving at 5:30am tomorrow.
November 24, 2025 at 9:40 PM
Breaking News: Just heard our furniture is at last on its way to a freight ship…and arriving at 5:30am tomorrow.
‘He is eleven years old.’
November 24, 2025 at 8:36 PM
‘He is eleven years old.’
Reposted by Douglas Cheape
There was actually a time quite recently when the Young People still used Tinder
(Published around the time of Dawn Chorus Day)
(Published around the time of Dawn Chorus Day)
![[Scene is a WOODLAND just before dawn. In a tree, a TEENAGE ROBIN with big headphones on is slouching on a branch, swiping on her phone. Her DAD ROBIN approaches her on the branch looking cheerful with her MUM ROBIN also in tow].
DAD ROBIN:
Wakey wakey darling, it's National Dawn Chorus Day!
TEENAGE ROBIN:
Ugh, Dad...
DAD ROBIN:
Come on, dear...
DAD ROBIN:
It's time for us all to shout into the darkness for sex!
TEENAGE ROBIN:
What
DAD ROBIN:
You're a big bird now.
Time to put down that blessed phone and find a mate...
TEENAGE ROBIN:
I am.
On Tinder.
[She swipes on her phone]
DAD ROBIN:
Oh for heaven's sake.
Your generation has no sense of tradition!
TEENAGE ROBIN:
Right... so you'd rather I found love by bellowing into the woods for a pre-dawn hookup with a total stranger?
DAD ROBIN:
It's natural!
TEENAGE ROBIN:
It's dogging.
DAD ROBIN:
Well that's how your Mum and I had you...
TEENAGE ROBIN:
OH MY GOD GROSS
MUM ROBIN [Singing sweetly into the air]:
Sex pleeease...
TEENAGE ROBIN:
Stop it Mum.
MUM ROBIN:
SEEEEEX PLEEEEAAAASE...
TEENAGE ROBIN:
MUUUM!
[ends]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:4m3we4apbjayclzcnhwe3pfp/bafkreierbhobnorq5sxzbz3n5wpp2y3b4d6gpudj7qf6qycqqlvwja7eoi@jpeg)
November 23, 2025 at 11:18 PM
There was actually a time quite recently when the Young People still used Tinder
(Published around the time of Dawn Chorus Day)
(Published around the time of Dawn Chorus Day)
‘Now don’t go on, Herman. You’re not leaving this table until you’ve finished your soup.’
that great mass of death floats on and on, till lost in infinite perspectives
November 24, 2025 at 12:55 PM
‘Now don’t go on, Herman. You’re not leaving this table until you’ve finished your soup.’
'Oh, an arrow, sooo original.' You had to hand it to St Agnetha, she remained an eighteen carat bitch right to the very end.
November 24, 2025 at 11:08 AM
'Oh, an arrow, sooo original.' You had to hand it to St Agnetha, she remained an eighteen carat bitch right to the very end.
One Christmas I looked on in surprise as my father-in-law picked up an entire fist-sized truckle of Fortnum’s pâté and nibble it to see what it tasted like. I then watched in wonder as, his eyes lighting up in pleasure, he scarfed the lot in two quick bites. Drink had been taken.
I once watched a man at Narbonne train station eat an entire Camembert - bite by bite - as if it was a sandwich.
November 23, 2025 at 9:58 PM
One Christmas I looked on in surprise as my father-in-law picked up an entire fist-sized truckle of Fortnum’s pâté and nibble it to see what it tasted like. I then watched in wonder as, his eyes lighting up in pleasure, he scarfed the lot in two quick bites. Drink had been taken.
Good news: the ferry and weather based problems that delayed the arrival of our worldly goods on the island last week have, for now, receded.
Bad news: Removal company have discovered their lorry doesn’t have the required number of lashing points and are now booking it into a workshop to add them.🤷♂️
Bad news: Removal company have discovered their lorry doesn’t have the required number of lashing points and are now booking it into a workshop to add them.🤷♂️
a close up of a man 's face with a serious expression
ALT: a close up of a man 's face with a serious expression
media.tenor.com
November 23, 2025 at 7:14 PM
Good news: the ferry and weather based problems that delayed the arrival of our worldly goods on the island last week have, for now, receded.
Bad news: Removal company have discovered their lorry doesn’t have the required number of lashing points and are now booking it into a workshop to add them.🤷♂️
Bad news: Removal company have discovered their lorry doesn’t have the required number of lashing points and are now booking it into a workshop to add them.🤷♂️
I feel a fool for not knowing this.
November 23, 2025 at 6:56 PM
I feel a fool for not knowing this.
Prime Rib Peppercorn Sunday.
*Pillastro Primitivo
*Pillastro Primitivo
November 23, 2025 at 5:10 PM
Prime Rib Peppercorn Sunday.
*Pillastro Primitivo
*Pillastro Primitivo
Reposted by Douglas Cheape
Now watching: ‘Bluebeard’s Eighth Wife’, dir. Ernst Lubitsch, 1938. Screenplay by Charles Brackett and Billy Wilder. 🎬🎥
November 23, 2025 at 11:04 AM
Now watching: ‘Bluebeard’s Eighth Wife’, dir. Ernst Lubitsch, 1938. Screenplay by Charles Brackett and Billy Wilder. 🎬🎥
I’ve been taking piano lessons for over a month now, but it’s hopeless. I’ll never be a real piano.
November 23, 2025 at 9:49 AM
I’ve been taking piano lessons for over a month now, but it’s hopeless. I’ll never be a real piano.
Being in the throes of moving house, it occurs to me that when some shadowy figure in a 30s gangster movie looms over a hapless victim and utters the words ‘It’s curtains for you.’ It is perhaps only after this poor soul sees how much these curtains will cost that he/she begins screaming in horror.
November 22, 2025 at 4:25 PM
Being in the throes of moving house, it occurs to me that when some shadowy figure in a 30s gangster movie looms over a hapless victim and utters the words ‘It’s curtains for you.’ It is perhaps only after this poor soul sees how much these curtains will cost that he/she begins screaming in horror.
'Watson!' Exclaimed Holmes, his voice crackling with urgency. 'We must move quickly if we are to prevent that devilishly cunning Professor Moriarty from making good his escape'.
November 22, 2025 at 1:55 PM
'Watson!' Exclaimed Holmes, his voice crackling with urgency. 'We must move quickly if we are to prevent that devilishly cunning Professor Moriarty from making good his escape'.
Stinking outside the box.
November 22, 2025 at 1:53 PM
Stinking outside the box.
My computer has just shut down because I asked it to tell me how many people had watched a Shakespeare play in the theatre from a low angle. Turns out it crashed because of a groundling error.
November 22, 2025 at 12:44 AM
My computer has just shut down because I asked it to tell me how many people had watched a Shakespeare play in the theatre from a low angle. Turns out it crashed because of a groundling error.
is there a way of changing the *world* format from American?
is there a way of changing the date format from American?
November 21, 2025 at 11:08 PM
is there a way of changing the *world* format from American?
Yes, after a week or so of consecutive violent storms you can begin to lose the wonder of it. But then tonight you walk the dog out on a calm, cold, clear Hebridean evening, and the Milky Way has been whooped across the sky in a diagonal billionfest of tiny lights. And, fuck me, that’s a thing.
November 21, 2025 at 11:06 PM
Yes, after a week or so of consecutive violent storms you can begin to lose the wonder of it. But then tonight you walk the dog out on a calm, cold, clear Hebridean evening, and the Milky Way has been whooped across the sky in a diagonal billionfest of tiny lights. And, fuck me, that’s a thing.
Quite a few Eastern European fish processing vessels pass this way, which might explain this interesting item for sale...a handy 10 litre container of vodka just in time for Christmas.
November 20, 2025 at 10:56 PM
Quite a few Eastern European fish processing vessels pass this way, which might explain this interesting item for sale...a handy 10 litre container of vodka just in time for Christmas.