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jazzhandmedowns.bsky.social
Chris
@jazzhandmedowns.bsky.social
290 followers 130 following 1.4K posts
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Reposted by Chris
crushbort.bsky.social
BLITZER: Now we’re getting reports that one of the bullet casings was engraved with a message saying that if you are reading the casing, you are gay. We must warn our viewers we’re about to show the photo and don’t know at this time whether the engraving is what makes you gay or if it just tells you
September 12, 2025 at 3:28 PM
Reposted by Chris
jazzhandmedowns.bsky.social
Based on this shirt and the theory that the shooter used a gun, this narrows it down to someone who had access to a gun store that sells the kind of shirts sold at gun stores.
bsky.app/profile/acha...
achap84.bsky.social Andrew Chapman @achap84.bsky.social · Sep 11
Google Image search would suggest this was the shirt.
Black long sleeve shirt depicting an eagle over an American flag with the words “Land of the Free” on top and “Home of the Brave” below.
September 11, 2025 at 4:23 PM
Reposted by Chris
lukeoneil47.bsky.social
An international incident
There was a shooting yesterday that was one of the ones that was big enough that we all had to know it had happened so they sent me out to lower the flag to half-mast outside work. Half-staff they call it on land I don’t know. I looked at my phone out of habit on the way back inside and there was another shooting going on. A real nasty one it looked like. It wasn’t immediately clear to me what the protocol here was supposed to be. If I were meant to put the flag all the way back up to reset things or lower it halfway down again still. They had fired the main flag-knowing guy last month who had been in the National Guard a hundred years ago or something and this wasn’t really my job in the first place but I said I’d do it so I wouldn’t get fired myself. I figured I’d be proactive so I lowered it down to the ground to one-third mast and went back inside feeling fine about it and none of my bosses seemed to care and then there was another shooting by the time I got to my desk. I went back outside again and lowered it further still. The next day I came in to work and you won’t believe what happened. Now we were in a Zeno’s Paradox–type of a scenario vis-à-vis the flag height and its approach to the soil. People inside were debating what the definition of a mass shooting was and the managers were getting a little pissy about how work was being waylaid by all of us streaming the news on the computer all day. Trying to find out what kind of guy it was who killed everybody this time. Everyone hoping it was the other type of guy to balance it out. Like trading free throws at the end of a close game. Being sort of new I was left to my own devices so I went out and lowered the flag halfway closer to the ground once more. Probably not worth remarking on what happened by the time I came in the next morning and the next one too and just between us I was running out of real estate there height-wise with the flag so I went around back to the maintenance area to look for the custodian but there was some kid there instead who said in his cockney accent that the guy had been sacked so I borrowed a shovel from this kid he was an actual Victorian child with a sooty face smoking a cigar and everything and went back out to the flagpole and started digging to give the flag some breathing room so it would never have to touch the ground which was considered poor form in the flag community. I had dug halfway to the molten core by the end of the next month but on the upside I was bulking up. The planet itself was spinning on this flag pole’s axis now. I was going to hoist an upside-down American flag in a country on the other side of the globe at this rate. It was going to be a whole international incident. People were going to get shot over it.
December 17, 2024 at 9:50 PM
Reposted by Chris
jazzhandmedowns.bsky.social
I'm 5 days late in responding because my plans for any given week usually don't result in me executing on said plans, but I FINALLY got myself out last night to see a local band I've been wanting to see forever. And oh my GOODness, this woman's voice!
Check out Mutual Head!
youtu.be/t0qmN4RtkCE
Queen of Nothing
YouTube video by Mutual Head - Topic
youtu.be
August 21, 2025 at 4:20 PM
jazzhandmedowns.bsky.social
I guess I've reached my breaking point for cold-call text messages from sales guys pretending like we've ever interacted before.
A text message exchange: "Hi Chris, it's <censored> checking in! I noticed it's been a while since we last connected. Are you still considering buying a home, or have your plans changed? Let me know how I can assist you!" reply: "wtf. Chris took his own life two months ago. How fucking dare you. He's living in an urn. Are you selling urns? Go get a ouija board and ask him there, ok?
August 14, 2025 at 5:45 PM
Reposted by Chris
jazzhandmedowns.bsky.social
I love Gilliam, but Spielberg did this one movie 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘢 𝘥𝘶𝘥𝘦 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘵 𝘢 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘬 𝘐𝘕 𝘛𝘏𝘌 𝘍𝘈𝘊𝘌. That's not "stupid"; it's literally the American Dream!
bsky.app/profile/derf...
derfbackderf.bsky.social Derf Backderf @derfbackderf.bsky.social · Aug 13
"Spielberg-- and most films in Hollywood-- are comforting. They ties things up in nice little bows. They give you answers, even if those answers are stupid."

-- Terry Gilliam.
Terry Gilliam criticizes Spielberg and Schindler's List
YouTube video by MeatTycoon
www.youtube.com
August 13, 2025 at 3:03 PM
jazzhandmedowns.bsky.social
Why does actor and underage-orgy enthusiast Rob Lowe want to know what happens to my dog when I feed him bananas? That's none of your business, Rob Lowe—get a new fetish, you voyeuristic freak!
aedwardslevy.bsky.social Ariel Edwards-Levy @aedwardslevy.bsky.social · Aug 12
i'm always asking this
low-effort ad asking: "Rob Lowe: What Happens When Your Dog Eats Bananas?"
August 13, 2025 at 12:53 AM
Reposted by Chris
jazzhandmedowns.bsky.social
Analogously, following 1994's 𝘑𝘢𝘳 𝘰𝘧 𝘍𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘴, Alice in Chains hadn't toured for over a year before entering the studio to record 𝘈𝘭𝘪𝘤𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘊𝘩𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘴.
Being away from the suspended state of emotional animation of touring yielded yet another Grammy-nominated hit about ordinary life:
bsky.app/profile/mich...
Ah, ooh Doot-doot, yeah Doot-doot, yeah Doot-doot, yeah Doot-doot, yeah Doot-doot, yeah Doot-doot, yeah Doot-doot, yeah Doot-doot
August 12, 2025 at 3:00 PM
jazzhandmedowns.bsky.social
I need gallery space for an art installation consisting of 5 rooms, each representing the stages of grief.

"Anger": visitors are blindfolded and provided a bat to smash everything in the room. Removal of the blindfold reveals that the destroyed objects were their personal possessions.
August 1, 2025 at 5:34 PM
jazzhandmedowns.bsky.social
When the little shit manning the counter completely lowballs your vinyl collection and suggests that the Aron Carter autograph is a fake because “He spells it with two A's, like on the album cover” and you set 'em straight with a "Welp, looks like you just lost yourself a customer."
Steven Seagal walking out of a record store clutching a handful of albums, including Eve 6, Shania Twain, the Top Gun soundtrack, Billy Joel, Kenny G, and Steven Seagal's "Songs from the Crystal Cave" & "Mojo Priest."
August 1, 2025 at 5:27 PM
Reposted by Chris
jazzhandmedowns.bsky.social
Okay, so apparently if I want an image of "Pamela Anderson and Liam Neeson at The Naked Gun Premier, and Neeson has visible pee stains, because apparently he's just allowed to piss himself in public all the time with no backlash", I have to make it myself? Fine.
Pamela Anderson and Liam Neeson at The Naked Gun Premier, and Neeson has visible pee stains, because apparently he's just allowed to piss himself in public all the time with no backlash
July 31, 2025 at 3:13 AM
Reposted by Chris
jazzhandmedowns.bsky.social
You've gotta hand it to this season's writers who were like "What if when people go searching for whether Trump has ever used the word 'enigma', the only video of him doing so also has him talking about child molestation?"
youtu.be/aK26UbEazvg?...
Trump Mentions Molesation In Carson Rant | MSNBC
YouTube video by MSNBC
youtu.be
July 18, 2025 at 1:16 AM
Reposted by Chris
jazzhandmedowns.bsky.social
At this point, the most likely scenario is that Trump and Clinton separately hired an assassin to take out Epstein, and the missing video footage shows that both would-be killers coincidentally arrived at the exact same time, only to discover that Epstein had killed himself just a few moments prior.
July 16, 2025 at 2:02 AM
Reposted by Chris
jazzhandmedowns.bsky.social
Somewhere in Twitter HQ, Musk is hovering over some poor H-1B worker demanding them to cut and paste "Grok's entire source code file" into the query window over and over—"Is it AGI yet? No? Again! How about now? Again! AgainAgainAgain!"
bsky.app/profile/pale...
You can cut & paste your entire source code file into the query entry box on http://grok.com and @Grok 4 will fix it for you! This is what everyone @xAI does. Works better than Cursor.
July 11, 2025 at 4:04 AM
Reposted by Chris
tonytula.com
impossible not to hear this in Patrick Bateman's voice
July 10, 2025 at 12:19 PM
Reposted by Chris
jazzhandmedowns.bsky.social
We need youth, and we need charisma. Chester Carville, Jr. has been absolutely KILLING IT at an advisory level for YEARS behind the scenes, and if the Democratic Party has ANY chance at success in 2026, it absolutely goes through him.
bsky.app/profile/mari...
marisakabas.bsky.social Marisa Kabas @marisakabas.bsky.social · Jul 9
who do you think is the most interesting person in democratic politics right now? (serious answers only plz, there is a purpose for the question)
July 9, 2025 at 3:57 AM
jazzhandmedowns.bsky.social
My wife: The dog just settled down for his nap, PLEASE don't get him worked up.

Me:
June 27, 2025 at 3:20 PM
Reposted by Chris
jazzhandmedowns.bsky.social
Imagine it's just a few months after 𝘕𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘥 and 𝘛𝘦𝘯 changed the world and you're worried that metal is dead.
You get to band practice and a giddy Dave Mustaine is all "Hey guys, I wrote a little sumthin' that's gonna make 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺one forget about that grunge nonsense," and then he hits you with
June 25, 2025 at 5:22 AM
jazzhandmedowns.bsky.social
What actor's expression in a movie will stay with you for the rest of your life?
Chief Brody on the Orca with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth right after he first saw Jaws in the movie Jaws
June 24, 2025 at 4:53 AM
jazzhandmedowns.bsky.social
BREAKING: The Disembodied Holographic Head of Jeffrey Epstein Announces "I Didn't Kill Myself, But I'd Kill To Vote Andrew Cuomo"!
June 23, 2025 at 11:49 PM
Reposted by Chris
jazzhandmedowns.bsky.social
This show was soooooo ahead of it's time, and it's a shame that the studio panicked and dropped Cuff & Link not even like halfway through the first season—you gotta give a show some time to breathe and find its audience!
June 17, 2025 at 3:22 AM
Reposted by Chris
jazzhandmedowns.bsky.social
Do you think Seth Green still looks at his ape, or do you think he got mad at it?
youtu.be/kHHT5iUeV8g?...
Maybe the most embarrassing shit I've ever seen. The trailer for Seth Green's Nft show.
YouTube video by deeply diseased
youtu.be
June 5, 2025 at 4:35 AM
Reposted by Chris
jazzhandmedowns.bsky.social
Me: I have a very particular set of skills. Skills I have acquired over a very long career...

Guy On Bus [removing earbuds]: huh? You talking to me?

Me: Specifically, dressing up my knee as beloved & not-so-beloved figures from cinema. Oh, and a certain elegant First Lady
bsky.app/profile/jazz...
jazzhandmedowns.bsky.social Chris @jazzhandmedowns.bsky.social · May 17
Is this where I'm supposed to brag about how 6 months into staring at me knees during the pandemic, delirium hit me with sudden inspiration to dress them up as Jackie Kenneknee Onassis, Eugkneene Levy, and Paulknee Shore aka The Knee-sal?
My knee dressed up as Jackie Kenneknee Onassis. She's wearing a headwrap, sunglasses, and drinking a White Claw with a straw. My knee dressed up as Eugkneene Levy. The poster for Son In Law, featuring my knee dressed up as Paulknee Shore
June 2, 2025 at 7:22 PM