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Kien Tan

@kientan74.bsky.social

320 followers 330 following 1.6K posts

Retail consultant and analyst by day, gym instructor and beer drinker by night. All about shops, pubs, planes, gyms... and the views are mine, all mine.

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Kien Tan @kientan74.bsky.social · Nov 13

Right. Where are you at #Retail people? Surely you can’t all be hanging out on LinkedIn and Threads? The best retail bantz is gonna be here.

HMU if you want to be added…
go.bsky.app/ThbCH86

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Kien Tan @kientan74.bsky.social · 48m

Never did find out who pooped in the pool...

"So Sebastian, what would you like to do instead of swimming?"

"Waitrose! I want to go to Waitrose!"

Never change, Hampstead, never change...

two young boys in a shopping cart with the words viralhog written on the bottom

ALT: two young boys in a shopping cart with the words viralhog written on the bottom

media.tenor.com

Kien Tan @kientan74.bsky.social · 48m

...it turns out little Johnny* did a massive floating poop in the middle of swimming class...

*I say little Johnny, but obviously no child and no father was owning up to this 🙅‍♂️

Cue suspicion... 🤨

elmo from sesame street is sitting on a potty chair .

ALT: elmo from sesame street is sitting on a potty chair .

media.tenor.com

Kien Tan @kientan74.bsky.social · 48m

...alas the pool had been closed due to an "accident" 🫣

But it's ok, nobody got hurt!

a man in a red jacket with the words come on nobody got hurt below him

ALT: a man in a red jacket with the words come on nobody got hurt below him

media.tenor.com

Kien Tan @kientan74.bsky.social · 48m

...because when I returned to the men's changing room, there was pandemonium...

Two swimming classes abruptly cancelled, toddlers screaming and wailing, and fathers looking forlorn and anguished.

Like the borders of Putin's Russia, "family changing area" was little more than a notion...

a baby girl is crying while sitting on the floor with her hands in the air .

ALT: a baby girl is crying while sitting on the floor with her hands in the air .

media.tenor.com

Kien Tan @kientan74.bsky.social · 48m

👶 What's the one part of parenting that's the preserve of middle class fathers and only middle class fathers?

That's right: Saturday morning swimming classes. Mum's morning off. Dad in charge. But not today... 🧵

a little boy is standing on the edge of a pool .

ALT: a little boy is standing on the edge of a pool .

media.tenor.com

Kien Tan @kientan74.bsky.social · 2h

…wait till the EU starts *charging* for ETIAS… just like the British do!

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Kien Tan @kientan74.bsky.social · 3h

🐖 Today I am mainly congratulating myself for going to a restaurant *before* @jayrayner1.bsky.social makes it completely unbookable!
Alas I didn’t get to have the suckling pig for lunch yesterday because my dining companion couldn’t bring herself to (we had the lamb though 😜)

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Kien Tan @kientan74.bsky.social · 23h

Ohmigod, come back bmi lounge, all is forgiven 🙈

Kien Tan @kientan74.bsky.social · 1d

Oh, if I had kids, they would *definitely* be going there!

Kien Tan @kientan74.bsky.social · 1d

I would've been the first person to get detention!

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Kien Tan @kientan74.bsky.social · 1d

👨‍🏫 With lots and lots of hindsight, I am pretty sure the person who asked me this 10 years ago was Katharine Birbalsingh (aka the "Strictest Headmaster in the UK"), as she has just opened her new school in Wembley...
That was a lucky escape!

Facebook post from 2015: someone asked if I would be a maths teacher at her new school

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Kien Tan @kientan74.bsky.social · 2d

That posy restaurant was featured in the Times *again*...
I mean, I'm sure it's great to be "seen" there, but the food just isn't very nice, the service is amateur hour, tables too close together, and so noisy you can't hear your dining companions.

Kien Tan @kientan74.bsky.social · Aug 14

You know what feeling when you’ve been to a restaurant, excellent pedigree of chefs, raving reviews in the Gruaniad and the Sunday Times, and then, actually, it was a bit shit? That.

Went to Tesco for a Solero and for a pint at the Kings Arms E2 instead of staying for dessert. Much better.

Kien Tan @kientan74.bsky.social · 2d

But don’t say that out loud on BlueSky, because… 🫣

Kien Tan @kientan74.bsky.social · 2d

Thank you 🙏

Kien Tan @kientan74.bsky.social · 2d

Would things like turk’y and chick’n be ok, or could Bernard Matthews sue?!

Kien Tan @kientan74.bsky.social · 2d

TfL “Please use our Journey Planner”

Also TfL: “You didn’t actually expect us to know where our buses stop, did you?”

🤦‍♂️

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Kien Tan @kientan74.bsky.social · 2d

Ah come on, Calder is one of the good guys. He is a Remainer and the Venezuelans point is aimed squarely at Leaver gammons who complain to his Q&As that they have to queue at all.
And you do need to queue twice: for EES then passport stamp, and many airports don’t have enough registration terminals…

Kien Tan @kientan74.bsky.social · 3d

🛒 This will go down like a tonne of cold sick with my typical BlueSky follower, but IMHO* it’s hard to disagree with the ever direct Clive Black here, writing in @retailweek.bsky.social…

*puts on flame-proof jacket 🔥

‘Why not make a third less profit, Tesco?’

A call for Tesco to make less much money isn't the answer to food price inflation but would mean less investment in Britain, a more insecure food system, and lower tax receipts, maintains Shore Capita...

www.retail-week.com

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Kien Tan @kientan74.bsky.social · 3d

🍺 Respect to the chap at Cannon Street ‘Spoons who’s finished his second pint of Guinness at *checks watch* 9:40am 💪

Looking through the window at a man at a table on the pub

Two empty Guinness pint glasses in front of man

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Kien Tan @kientan74.bsky.social · 3d

😒 It’s for work, I’m already dreading the connection. Any tips? (Already asked for a match)

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Kien Tan @kientan74.bsky.social · 3d

*taps sign again*

🛒 Several supermarkets may have launched “price wars” this week - not just Asda - but the price of shoppers’ trolleys is still going up - as I told @stephistacey.ft.com elsewhere in the FT:

Kien Tan @kientan74.bsky.social · 3d

FOMO 😒

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Kien Tan @kientan74.bsky.social · 3d

@starflyergold.bsky.social uh-oh… the dark side is calling me… ⭐🫣

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Kien Tan @kientan74.bsky.social · 3d

Portobello too?! Gosh I missed that one...

Kien Tan @kientan74.bsky.social · 3d

🛒 When is a price war not a price war?
Price cuts are good news for shoppers, but inflation means that grocery baskets will still be more expensive this Christmas than last year, as I told @stephistacey.ft.com for the @financialtimes.com

Asda price cuts hit shares of supermarket rivals

Grocer reduces prices on almost 1,000 products, squeezing margins in fiercely competitive sector

on.ft.com