Luke Moran
@lukemoran.bsky.social
sassy mother of three. comedy writer. @lukekmoran on twitter
I’m not hungry but thank you
@ucbtla @theonion, 🎵 @sheepeyes
lukemoran.horse
I’m not hungry but thank you
@ucbtla @theonion, 🎵 @sheepeyes
lukemoran.horse
Pinned
Luke Moran
@lukemoran.bsky.social
· May 31
They just announced that I’m the main character of everything
There’s something so interesting about Luke Moran
December 15, 2025 at 9:59 PM
There’s something so interesting about Luke Moran
Where my Minnesota followers at?
December 15, 2025 at 12:38 AM
Where my Minnesota followers at?
Humans invented storytelling to communicate the key value propositions of brands
December 9, 2025 at 5:19 AM
Humans invented storytelling to communicate the key value propositions of brands
doing the work and being a good ally today (cranking it to pictures of female CEOs)
December 7, 2025 at 3:22 AM
doing the work and being a good ally today (cranking it to pictures of female CEOs)
You don’t need Listerine to kill the bacteria the cause bad breath. I could do that. Nobody asked me.
December 5, 2025 at 1:59 PM
You don’t need Listerine to kill the bacteria the cause bad breath. I could do that. Nobody asked me.
Reposted by Luke Moran
842,000 Americans died from overdoses in the last 25 years, 500,000 from opioids. If we’re hunting narco-terrorists we can probably stop blowing up fishing boats and start blowing up boardrooms.
December 5, 2025 at 4:02 AM
842,000 Americans died from overdoses in the last 25 years, 500,000 from opioids. If we’re hunting narco-terrorists we can probably stop blowing up fishing boats and start blowing up boardrooms.
Reposted by Luke Moran
Dreamed I got a chastising message at work that said, “You should know the names of all the Muppets,” and someone stuck up for me, saying, “I don’t think this one has a name,” and they attached a picture of like a white Gonzo with no eyes
December 4, 2025 at 9:38 PM
Dreamed I got a chastising message at work that said, “You should know the names of all the Muppets,” and someone stuck up for me, saying, “I don’t think this one has a name,” and they attached a picture of like a white Gonzo with no eyes
Cars be like “this would fix me” (picture of a wrench)
December 4, 2025 at 5:01 PM
Cars be like “this would fix me” (picture of a wrench)
Hey everyone, it’s filipino hour. Everyone has to do one thing that’s filipino.
December 2, 2025 at 11:59 PM
Hey everyone, it’s filipino hour. Everyone has to do one thing that’s filipino.
everyone please make sure to take care of yourself this holiday season, but also me 🙏 please make sure to give me lots of attention 🙏🙏
December 1, 2025 at 9:36 PM
everyone please make sure to take care of yourself this holiday season, but also me 🙏 please make sure to give me lots of attention 🙏🙏
[sitting down for subway takes]
me: a bug is not normal. a bug is an affront to god.
me: a bug is not normal. a bug is an affront to god.
December 1, 2025 at 4:04 PM
[sitting down for subway takes]
me: a bug is not normal. a bug is an affront to god.
me: a bug is not normal. a bug is an affront to god.
Is everything that’s ever happened good or bad?
November 29, 2025 at 6:39 PM
Is everything that’s ever happened good or bad?
The time has nearly come for me to save the New York indie rock scene
November 23, 2025 at 4:39 PM
The time has nearly come for me to save the New York indie rock scene
Reposted by Luke Moran
the last 24 hours on X, summed up:
November 23, 2025 at 2:26 PM
the last 24 hours on X, summed up:
Reposted by Luke Moran
This might be the single funniest thing that has happened during this incredibly cursed year
November 21, 2025 at 9:59 PM
This might be the single funniest thing that has happened during this incredibly cursed year
I hope no one‘s creating any dastardly AI videos of me doing something troublesome right now
November 22, 2025 at 10:50 PM
I hope no one‘s creating any dastardly AI videos of me doing something troublesome right now
Now that Trump is chill with Mamdani, I bet you all feel embarrassed about criticizing me for taking a major role dismantling the Department of Agriculture
November 22, 2025 at 10:48 PM
Now that Trump is chill with Mamdani, I bet you all feel embarrassed about criticizing me for taking a major role dismantling the Department of Agriculture
Hide your daughters, folks—I’m going to the public library
November 22, 2025 at 10:31 PM
Hide your daughters, folks—I’m going to the public library
Committing suicide by overdosing CBD sodas
November 22, 2025 at 6:42 PM
Committing suicide by overdosing CBD sodas
I hate gay halloween—what do you mean you’re me from the future & you’ve traveled back in time to prevent some unspeakable tragedy?
October 30, 2025 at 11:18 PM
I hate gay halloween—what do you mean you’re me from the future & you’ve traveled back in time to prevent some unspeakable tragedy?
Reposted by Luke Moran
Who Was Jeffery Epstein? Find out by watching 'The Onion Investigates: Jeffery Epstein' on The Onion here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XjhSoGcQhWU
October 11, 2025 at 5:01 PM
Who Was Jeffery Epstein? Find out by watching 'The Onion Investigates: Jeffery Epstein' on The Onion here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XjhSoGcQhWU
The GOP guy who owns all the voting machines now has a right to change our votes because that’s his private property and I respect business owners ❤️
October 11, 2025 at 12:29 AM
The GOP guy who owns all the voting machines now has a right to change our votes because that’s his private property and I respect business owners ❤️
I’m building a data center in my bedroom that will raise electricity bills for half the continental US
October 6, 2025 at 2:02 AM
I’m building a data center in my bedroom that will raise electricity bills for half the continental US
I’ve been doing mass surveillance on everyone sorry guys 😔
October 3, 2025 at 10:45 PM
I’ve been doing mass surveillance on everyone sorry guys 😔