Luke Moran
@lukemoran.bsky.social
sassy mother of three. comedy writer. @lukekmoran on twitter
I’m not hungry but thank you
@ucbtla @theonion, 🎵 @sheepeyes
lukemoran.horse
I’m not hungry but thank you
@ucbtla @theonion, 🎵 @sheepeyes
lukemoran.horse
Pinned
Luke Moran
@lukemoran.bsky.social
· May 31
They just announced that I’m the main character of everything
Where my Minnesota followers at?
December 15, 2025 at 12:38 AM
Where my Minnesota followers at?
Humans invented storytelling to communicate the key value propositions of brands
December 9, 2025 at 5:19 AM
Humans invented storytelling to communicate the key value propositions of brands
doing the work and being a good ally today (cranking it to pictures of female CEOs)
December 7, 2025 at 3:22 AM
doing the work and being a good ally today (cranking it to pictures of female CEOs)
You don’t need Listerine to kill the bacteria the cause bad breath. I could do that. Nobody asked me.
December 5, 2025 at 1:59 PM
You don’t need Listerine to kill the bacteria the cause bad breath. I could do that. Nobody asked me.
Reposted by Luke Moran
842,000 Americans died from overdoses in the last 25 years, 500,000 from opioids. If we’re hunting narco-terrorists we can probably stop blowing up fishing boats and start blowing up boardrooms.
December 5, 2025 at 4:02 AM
842,000 Americans died from overdoses in the last 25 years, 500,000 from opioids. If we’re hunting narco-terrorists we can probably stop blowing up fishing boats and start blowing up boardrooms.
Reposted by Luke Moran
Dreamed I got a chastising message at work that said, “You should know the names of all the Muppets,” and someone stuck up for me, saying, “I don’t think this one has a name,” and they attached a picture of like a white Gonzo with no eyes
December 4, 2025 at 9:38 PM
Dreamed I got a chastising message at work that said, “You should know the names of all the Muppets,” and someone stuck up for me, saying, “I don’t think this one has a name,” and they attached a picture of like a white Gonzo with no eyes
Cars be like “this would fix me” (picture of a wrench)
December 4, 2025 at 5:01 PM
Cars be like “this would fix me” (picture of a wrench)
Hey everyone, it’s filipino hour. Everyone has to do one thing that’s filipino.
December 2, 2025 at 11:59 PM
Hey everyone, it’s filipino hour. Everyone has to do one thing that’s filipino.
everyone please make sure to take care of yourself this holiday season, but also me 🙏 please make sure to give me lots of attention 🙏🙏
December 1, 2025 at 9:36 PM
everyone please make sure to take care of yourself this holiday season, but also me 🙏 please make sure to give me lots of attention 🙏🙏
[sitting down for subway takes]
me: a bug is not normal. a bug is an affront to god.
me: a bug is not normal. a bug is an affront to god.
December 1, 2025 at 4:04 PM
[sitting down for subway takes]
me: a bug is not normal. a bug is an affront to god.
me: a bug is not normal. a bug is an affront to god.
Is everything that’s ever happened good or bad?
November 29, 2025 at 6:39 PM
Is everything that’s ever happened good or bad?
The time has nearly come for me to save the New York indie rock scene
November 23, 2025 at 4:39 PM
The time has nearly come for me to save the New York indie rock scene
Reposted by Luke Moran
the last 24 hours on X, summed up:
November 23, 2025 at 2:26 PM
the last 24 hours on X, summed up:
Reposted by Luke Moran
This might be the single funniest thing that has happened during this incredibly cursed year
November 21, 2025 at 9:59 PM
This might be the single funniest thing that has happened during this incredibly cursed year
I hope no one‘s creating any dastardly AI videos of me doing something troublesome right now
November 22, 2025 at 10:50 PM
I hope no one‘s creating any dastardly AI videos of me doing something troublesome right now
Now that Trump is chill with Mamdani, I bet you all feel embarrassed about criticizing me for taking a major role dismantling the Department of Agriculture
November 22, 2025 at 10:48 PM
Now that Trump is chill with Mamdani, I bet you all feel embarrassed about criticizing me for taking a major role dismantling the Department of Agriculture
Hide your daughters, folks—I’m going to the public library
November 22, 2025 at 10:31 PM
Hide your daughters, folks—I’m going to the public library
Committing suicide by overdosing CBD sodas
November 22, 2025 at 6:42 PM
Committing suicide by overdosing CBD sodas
I hate gay halloween—what do you mean you’re me from the future & you’ve traveled back in time to prevent some unspeakable tragedy?
October 30, 2025 at 11:18 PM
I hate gay halloween—what do you mean you’re me from the future & you’ve traveled back in time to prevent some unspeakable tragedy?
Reposted by Luke Moran
Who Was Jeffery Epstein? Find out by watching 'The Onion Investigates: Jeffery Epstein' on The Onion here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XjhSoGcQhWU
October 11, 2025 at 5:01 PM
Who Was Jeffery Epstein? Find out by watching 'The Onion Investigates: Jeffery Epstein' on The Onion here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XjhSoGcQhWU
The GOP guy who owns all the voting machines now has a right to change our votes because that’s his private property and I respect business owners ❤️
October 11, 2025 at 12:29 AM
The GOP guy who owns all the voting machines now has a right to change our votes because that’s his private property and I respect business owners ❤️
I’m building a data center in my bedroom that will raise electricity bills for half the continental US
October 6, 2025 at 2:02 AM
I’m building a data center in my bedroom that will raise electricity bills for half the continental US
I’ve been doing mass surveillance on everyone sorry guys 😔
October 3, 2025 at 10:45 PM
I’ve been doing mass surveillance on everyone sorry guys 😔
Reposted by Luke Moran
saw a guy get raptured but when he was floating up in the beam of light he started jerkin’ it and the beam dropped him. he’s dead, he’s dead now and in hell
September 23, 2025 at 2:16 PM
saw a guy get raptured but when he was floating up in the beam of light he started jerkin’ it and the beam dropped him. he’s dead, he’s dead now and in hell