Maximilian Ximenez
@maxximenez.bsky.social
Born to chew bubblegum, forced to kick ass. Literary agent, Fortean psychonaut, freelance demiurge and self-defined "asexual libertine." The Eternal September and its consequences have been a disaster for the human race.
All inquiries to email.
All inquiries to email.
Reposted by Maximilian Ximenez
I always check my boots for mice because when i was a kid my sibling slipped their feet into snow boots after the first big winter storm of the year into a dead decaying mouse.
This is the NYC of my youth.
Mouse infested apartments and snow boots.
This is the NYC of my youth.
Mouse infested apartments and snow boots.
February 1, 2026 at 3:31 AM
I always check my boots for mice because when i was a kid my sibling slipped their feet into snow boots after the first big winter storm of the year into a dead decaying mouse.
This is the NYC of my youth.
Mouse infested apartments and snow boots.
This is the NYC of my youth.
Mouse infested apartments and snow boots.
Reposted by Maximilian Ximenez
My man took FIRST?!
January 31, 2026 at 10:43 PM
My man took FIRST?!
Reposted by Maximilian Ximenez
I thought my mayor couldn't represent me any better but here he is at the advanced age of 33 throwing his back out doing regular household chores.
January 27, 2026 at 10:26 PM
I thought my mayor couldn't represent me any better but here he is at the advanced age of 33 throwing his back out doing regular household chores.
Born too late to explore the realm of forms
Born too early to explore the farthest reaches of the galaxy
Born just in time to explore Staten Island
Born too early to explore the farthest reaches of the galaxy
Born just in time to explore Staten Island
January 27, 2026 at 2:56 PM
Born too late to explore the realm of forms
Born too early to explore the farthest reaches of the galaxy
Born just in time to explore Staten Island
Born too early to explore the farthest reaches of the galaxy
Born just in time to explore Staten Island
Editors removing lore dumps from doorstopper fantasy novels are technically performing an "appendectomy."
January 26, 2026 at 7:35 PM
Editors removing lore dumps from doorstopper fantasy novels are technically performing an "appendectomy."
Me: Spider-Man is the most Kantian superhero and arguably the most Kantian figure in pop culture.
Them: Elaborate on that.
Me: No.
Them: Elaborate on that.
Me: No.
January 26, 2026 at 12:41 AM
Me: Spider-Man is the most Kantian superhero and arguably the most Kantian figure in pop culture.
Them: Elaborate on that.
Me: No.
Them: Elaborate on that.
Me: No.
Brick af but got places to be
January 25, 2026 at 6:29 PM
Brick af but got places to be
God Bake Off would be so much more chill if Britain legalized weed
They eat like stoners and dress like stoners on that show but are sooooo fucking uptight
They eat like stoners and dress like stoners on that show but are sooooo fucking uptight
January 24, 2026 at 8:50 PM
God Bake Off would be so much more chill if Britain legalized weed
They eat like stoners and dress like stoners on that show but are sooooo fucking uptight
They eat like stoners and dress like stoners on that show but are sooooo fucking uptight
TIL the scientific name for the material that makes up human bones is literally called "bone apatite"
January 22, 2026 at 6:23 PM
TIL the scientific name for the material that makes up human bones is literally called "bone apatite"
Does the existence of dire wolves imply the existence of frivolous wolves; or are those just chihuahuas?
January 22, 2026 at 5:03 PM
Does the existence of dire wolves imply the existence of frivolous wolves; or are those just chihuahuas?
I need someone with a terminal degree to explain to me the difference between "spherical cow" and "meatball."
January 22, 2026 at 4:52 PM
I need someone with a terminal degree to explain to me the difference between "spherical cow" and "meatball."
Shoot for mediocre old one and be pleasantly surprised at being an above average old one, not everyone gets to be a great old one
January 22, 2026 at 1:09 AM
Shoot for mediocre old one and be pleasantly surprised at being an above average old one, not everyone gets to be a great old one
Reposted by Maximilian Ximenez
One of my coworkers had no idea France had colonized Southeast Asia. She just thought their incorporation of French pastry was a culinary tribute, or related to Julia Child. Her entire concept of colonialism was limited to the Americas.
January 21, 2026 at 5:19 PM
One of my coworkers had no idea France had colonized Southeast Asia. She just thought their incorporation of French pastry was a culinary tribute, or related to Julia Child. Her entire concept of colonialism was limited to the Americas.
Reposted by Maximilian Ximenez
:\ can't believe some of u are still supporting cs lewis even after he jerked off in front of those women
January 20, 2026 at 9:47 PM
:\ can't believe some of u are still supporting cs lewis even after he jerked off in front of those women
Took a little trip with a friend, shared a hotel room, just got informed I have night terrors.
January 20, 2026 at 3:55 PM
Took a little trip with a friend, shared a hotel room, just got informed I have night terrors.
Sometimes I worry that Lord of the Rings gave me unrealistic expectations for platonic friendship. But I still insist on making sure my few remaining friends can carry my bodyweight up a mountainside and I frequently quiz them on how they would defeat a giant spider.
January 20, 2026 at 1:47 PM
Sometimes I worry that Lord of the Rings gave me unrealistic expectations for platonic friendship. But I still insist on making sure my few remaining friends can carry my bodyweight up a mountainside and I frequently quiz them on how they would defeat a giant spider.
How the fuck did no one tell me that the guy who directed Snakes on a Plane died under mysterious circumstances and how hasn't a disaffected millennial podcaster done a true crime series on this yet!?
January 20, 2026 at 12:17 AM
How the fuck did no one tell me that the guy who directed Snakes on a Plane died under mysterious circumstances and how hasn't a disaffected millennial podcaster done a true crime series on this yet!?
Reposted by Maximilian Ximenez
No joke I legitimately think that the biggest thing we could do for asexual visibility is arrange the letters in "LGBTQIA" alphabetically. If we start the initialism off with A people will pay more attention.
January 19, 2026 at 4:35 PM
No joke I legitimately think that the biggest thing we could do for asexual visibility is arrange the letters in "LGBTQIA" alphabetically. If we start the initialism off with A people will pay more attention.
"You keep saying 'social convention' but I don't see no ballpit"
January 19, 2026 at 1:13 PM
"You keep saying 'social convention' but I don't see no ballpit"
"Do Balrogs Have Wings" - the greatest thread in the history of Arda, locked by a maia after 12,239 pages of heated debate,
January 17, 2026 at 7:02 PM
"Do Balrogs Have Wings" - the greatest thread in the history of Arda, locked by a maia after 12,239 pages of heated debate,
Goofus argues with people about how to pronounce the G in "GIF".
Gallant argues with people about how to pronounce the G in "Hegelian"
Gallant argues with people about how to pronounce the G in "Hegelian"
January 17, 2026 at 4:29 PM
Goofus argues with people about how to pronounce the G in "GIF".
Gallant argues with people about how to pronounce the G in "Hegelian"
Gallant argues with people about how to pronounce the G in "Hegelian"
What if we kissed inside of the battletech pod uwu
January 17, 2026 at 5:53 AM
What if we kissed inside of the battletech pod uwu
I just got accused of misogyny by someone who paid Elon Musk to verify their roleplay account on twitter
January 16, 2026 at 8:59 PM
I just got accused of misogyny by someone who paid Elon Musk to verify their roleplay account on twitter