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Sam "One-Wheel" O'Neil

@onewheeloneil.bsky.social

460 followers 340 following 1.5K posts

I'm a writer and editor**. You can hire* me, learn more about me, or read my stuff at onewheeloneil.com ** I've taken my talents to the local ISD to teach English *I'm actually only accepting jobs over the summer right now

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Sam "One-Wheel" O'Neil @onewheeloneil.bsky.social · Jul 7

My 8mo son tried raspberry for the first time tonight, and now he looks like he needs to take a steaming shower in a cheap, anonymous motel while he contemplates the decisions that led him to take a life and the water runs unforgivably red down the drain.

Sam "One-Wheel" O'Neil @onewheeloneil.bsky.social · 1d

It's usually longer than decarry and often painted deyellowwy

Sam "One-Wheel" O'Neil @onewheeloneil.bsky.social · 1d

a man in a blue shirt and tie stands in front of a white board that has a while phrase written on it

Alt: A man says "what is the difference?"

media.tenor.com

Sam "One-Wheel" O'Neil @onewheeloneil.bsky.social · 1d

Noah rhymes with woah

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Sam "One-Wheel" O'Neil @onewheeloneil.bsky.social · 2d

"YOU'LL NEVER BELIEVE WHY ONE MOM WATERBOARDED ELMO"

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Sam "One-Wheel" O'Neil @onewheeloneil.bsky.social · 2d

I been saying this for years. Love Story demonstrates a "generated by AI" level of understanding of literature

Lucy Huber @clhubes.bsky.social · 2d

Let the Swifties come at me but I really don’t think you can call yourself an “English teacher” when the lyric is “I was a scarlet letter” when it easily could have been (correctly) “I wore a scarlet letter”

Sam "One-Wheel" O'Neil @onewheeloneil.bsky.social · 4d

A sequel to Children of the Corn called Wheat Teens...

Anything there?

Sam "One-Wheel" O'Neil @onewheeloneil.bsky.social · 4d

How do I make my students know this??!

Sam "One-Wheel" O'Neil @onewheeloneil.bsky.social · 5d

I'm working on it!

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Sam "One-Wheel" O'Neil @onewheeloneil.bsky.social · 5d

That's why I'm replacing MY flesh with Repli-cone, the world's first silicone based flesh replacement solution, guaranteed not to rot or your money back.

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Sam "One-Wheel" O'Neil @onewheeloneil.bsky.social · 6d

I wouldn't mind a collection of all of them, in order, in one place, haha!

Sam "One-Wheel" O'Neil @onewheeloneil.bsky.social · 6d

Always nice to check back in on Tom!

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Sam "One-Wheel" O'Neil @onewheeloneil.bsky.social · 7d

I mean, can we prove it wasn't due to a bad haircut?

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Reposted by Sam "One-Wheel" O'Neil

Benjamin Marsh @wearenotenemies.bsky.social · 7d

Paired texts

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Reposted by Sam "One-Wheel" O'Neil

Atticus Finch (of Georgia) @atticus59914029.bsky.social · 7d

This officer should be arrested.

And ICE should be abolished.

The Oregonian @oregonian.com · 8d

Federal officer blasts chemical spray into vocal but nonviolent Portland protester, video shows

The interaction illustrates how federal law enforcement officers do use aggressive tactics against protesters who yell and needle officers but don’t appear to present clear physical threats.

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Sam "One-Wheel" O'Neil @onewheeloneil.bsky.social · 7d

Genuinely so stressful when the person cutting your hair is extremely kind but also giving you a really bad haircut...

Reposted by Sam "One-Wheel" O'Neil

StrictlyChristo 🇺🇦🌻❌👑 @strictlychristo.bsky.social · 8d

ICE agents arrest Alderperson Jessie L. Fuentes (26th Ward of Chicago city council) after she questions them on whether they have a signed judicial warrant to arrest a person at Humboldt Park Hospital.

“He has Constitutional rights.”

“No.”

ICE’s exact mindset: no one is allowed any rights now.

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Sam "One-Wheel" O'Neil @onewheeloneil.bsky.social · 7d

Probably because of your diminished female capacity

(Hopefully the heavy sarcasm is clear!)

Sam "One-Wheel" O'Neil @onewheeloneil.bsky.social · 8d

Jean Ralphio from Parks and Rec has a similar line at one point.

I think he says "I'm a poet and I didn't even know that I was"

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Sam "One-Wheel" O'Neil @onewheeloneil.bsky.social · 8d

Ngl, you had me in the first half

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Sam "One-Wheel" O'Neil @onewheeloneil.bsky.social · 9d

What do you call a carnosaur when they hit the gym?

Tyrannosaurus Flex

Sam "One-Wheel" O'Neil @onewheeloneil.bsky.social · 9d

Which dinosaur loved Shakespeare most?

Stage-osaurus

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Sam "One-Wheel" O'Neil @onewheeloneil.bsky.social · 9d

What do you call a dinosaur with a credit card?

Tricera-shops

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Sam "One-Wheel" O'Neil @onewheeloneil.bsky.social · 9d

What do you call an aquatic prehistoric reptile with a keen sense of justice?

Police-iosaurus.

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Sam "One-Wheel" O'Neil @onewheeloneil.bsky.social · 9d

🎶 Government government shut down;
Furloughed employees.

MAGA wants to burn everything, to please a big orange bay-bee🎶

Sung to the tune of N*Sync's "Digital Get Down"

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Sam "One-Wheel" O'Neil @onewheeloneil.bsky.social · 9d

No joke, I have a number of other dinosaur jokes if you want them. I wrote them for my sons

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