open can of brainworms 🥫🧠🪱
@onlinefunctions.bsky.social
i post with my heart
critical care paramedic, landlord classicide stan, terminally online shitposter
"a future is not given to you. it is something you must take for yourself."
"at the end of everything, hold on to anything."
*no worries*
critical care paramedic, landlord classicide stan, terminally online shitposter
"a future is not given to you. it is something you must take for yourself."
"at the end of everything, hold on to anything."
*no worries*
Pinned
thought one: there are going to be some really weird / extra twisted gooner challenges in the next few days
thought two: lmao I bet the doj website gets around most commercially available porn firewalls, this is the weirdest gift to repressed children of Christian extremists
thought two: lmao I bet the doj website gets around most commercially available porn firewalls, this is the weirdest gift to repressed children of Christian extremists
* U.S. DEPUTY ATTORNEY GENERAL BLANCHE: TODAY WE ARE PRODUCING MORE THAN 3 MILLION PAGES, INCLUDING 2000 VIDEOS AND 180,000 IMAGES RELATED TO EPSTEIN
* U.S. DEPUTY ATTORNEY GENERAL BLANCHE: THESE INCLUDE LARGE QUANTITIES OF COMMERCIAL PORNOGRAPHY AND IMAGES SEIZED FROM EPSTEIN'S DEVICES
* U.S. DEPUTY ATTORNEY GENERAL BLANCHE: THESE INCLUDE LARGE QUANTITIES OF COMMERCIAL PORNOGRAPHY AND IMAGES SEIZED FROM EPSTEIN'S DEVICES
January 30, 2026 at 5:15 PM
thought one: there are going to be some really weird / extra twisted gooner challenges in the next few days
thought two: lmao I bet the doj website gets around most commercially available porn firewalls, this is the weirdest gift to repressed children of Christian extremists
thought two: lmao I bet the doj website gets around most commercially available porn firewalls, this is the weirdest gift to repressed children of Christian extremists
seeing people upset that CBS has a new medical opinion guy who doesn't believe in germ theory but everyone who worked in healthcare during covid knows diseases come from miasma 😔
January 29, 2026 at 4:26 PM
seeing people upset that CBS has a new medical opinion guy who doesn't believe in germ theory but everyone who worked in healthcare during covid knows diseases come from miasma 😔
calling things "first world" but with sneering condescension
January 29, 2026 at 12:46 PM
calling things "first world" but with sneering condescension
Reposted by open can of brainworms 🥫🧠🪱
In awe at the laser precision roast that is "you're watching ads." You just know that shit hit him in his core. Like this mf is paying for YouTube premium now but his pride is forever carrying those scars lmao
"When one fed attempted to blow off the crowd by visibly watching basketball highlights on his phone, a protester shouted “You’re watching ads, you broke bitch! Kill yourself!” The federal agent returned to his room shortly thereafter."
crimethinc.com/2026/01/27/t...
crimethinc.com/2026/01/27/t...
The Noise Demonstrations Keeping ICE Agents Awake at Their Hotels
Participants in the noise demonstrations targeting hotels that house federal agents in the Twin Cities recount their experiences and explain how this tactic might be employed elsewhere.
crimethinc.com
January 28, 2026 at 11:02 PM
In awe at the laser precision roast that is "you're watching ads." You just know that shit hit him in his core. Like this mf is paying for YouTube premium now but his pride is forever carrying those scars lmao
a few years ago I had to go to the Indian embassy for a visa thing, and the most jarring and startling thing was the lack of armor clad stormtroopers everywhere
it's really hard to explain just how bizarre it is in a global sense the degree to which we've normalized shock troopers everywhere
it's really hard to explain just how bizarre it is in a global sense the degree to which we've normalized shock troopers everywhere
January 27, 2026 at 11:17 PM
a few years ago I had to go to the Indian embassy for a visa thing, and the most jarring and startling thing was the lack of armor clad stormtroopers everywhere
it's really hard to explain just how bizarre it is in a global sense the degree to which we've normalized shock troopers everywhere
it's really hard to explain just how bizarre it is in a global sense the degree to which we've normalized shock troopers everywhere
not that it matters in the reality where we just abduct foreign heads of state but this is for sure a violation of international law
every consulate and embassy in the country gonna need a security force like benghazi to keep the gestapo out lol
every consulate and embassy in the country gonna need a security force like benghazi to keep the gestapo out lol
BN Periodismo en Facebook: « Agentes del Servicio de Inmigración y Control de Aduanas (ICE) quisieron ingresar al Consulado de Ecuador en Minneapolis. »
January 27, 2026 at 11:12 PM
not that it matters in the reality where we just abduct foreign heads of state but this is for sure a violation of international law
every consulate and embassy in the country gonna need a security force like benghazi to keep the gestapo out lol
every consulate and embassy in the country gonna need a security force like benghazi to keep the gestapo out lol
Reposted by open can of brainworms 🥫🧠🪱
[whispering to Miller] He'll throw you to the wolves. You'll never get a pardon. It's now or never! [slithering over to Trump] He plots against you sire! Throwing him in the dungeon will send a message to the others!
January 27, 2026 at 5:26 AM
[whispering to Miller] He'll throw you to the wolves. You'll never get a pardon. It's now or never! [slithering over to Trump] He plots against you sire! Throwing him in the dungeon will send a message to the others!
are park rangers cops??
January 27, 2026 at 10:16 PM
are park rangers cops??
I am thinking of going to get a massage but I don't know how to find the right one, need one of those massages where I am Harmed
January 27, 2026 at 1:54 AM
I am thinking of going to get a massage but I don't know how to find the right one, need one of those massages where I am Harmed
time to die historic on the flurry road
January 26, 2026 at 4:33 PM
time to die historic on the flurry road
you ever think about Arnold's perineum?
January 26, 2026 at 5:31 AM
you ever think about Arnold's perineum?
Reposted by open can of brainworms 🥫🧠🪱
Law & Order: KGB. Reposted because Kevin asked. I made these like ten years ago or something.
January 26, 2026 at 4:33 AM
Law & Order: KGB. Reposted because Kevin asked. I made these like ten years ago or something.
Galarian Moltres??? Oh, you mean Mega-Murkrow?
January 24, 2026 at 7:31 PM
Galarian Moltres??? Oh, you mean Mega-Murkrow?
Teaching the child the cool S, so this wisdom is not lost to future generations
(nevermind that my wife draws this with an unorthodox horizontal line)
(nevermind that my wife draws this with an unorthodox horizontal line)
January 23, 2026 at 12:06 AM
Teaching the child the cool S, so this wisdom is not lost to future generations
(nevermind that my wife draws this with an unorthodox horizontal line)
(nevermind that my wife draws this with an unorthodox horizontal line)
we're going to unironically have to elect Marianne after this just because she's the only candidate who stands a chance at navigating our horrific collective karmic debt
January 22, 2026 at 2:49 PM
we're going to unironically have to elect Marianne after this just because she's the only candidate who stands a chance at navigating our horrific collective karmic debt
this strong NATO guy, with medals, he came to me with tears in his eyes, and he said "sir, sir, you're already the suzerain." He said that, calling America a "suzerain," which is a very old fashioned word, "suzerain," but it's true isn't it?
January 21, 2026 at 9:53 PM
this strong NATO guy, with medals, he came to me with tears in his eyes, and he said "sir, sir, you're already the suzerain." He said that, calling America a "suzerain," which is a very old fashioned word, "suzerain," but it's true isn't it?
imagine being the court eunuch trying to explain what a suzerainty is to Trump lmao
January 21, 2026 at 9:46 PM
imagine being the court eunuch trying to explain what a suzerainty is to Trump lmao
why are you, an adult, still suppressing your vital winds by drinking cold water???
January 21, 2026 at 7:13 PM
why are you, an adult, still suppressing your vital winds by drinking cold water???
just dreamt about a yokai that is just like a guy who hangs out at playgrounds and parks but if he sees your phone he tries to run up and knock it out of your hand breaking it
you know he's around because there are broken phones and cases left on benches or playground equipment
you know he's around because there are broken phones and cases left on benches or playground equipment
January 21, 2026 at 2:14 PM
just dreamt about a yokai that is just like a guy who hangs out at playgrounds and parks but if he sees your phone he tries to run up and knock it out of your hand breaking it
you know he's around because there are broken phones and cases left on benches or playground equipment
you know he's around because there are broken phones and cases left on benches or playground equipment
ICE agent isekai from the timeline where it's part of the green new deal
January 15, 2026 at 3:54 AM
ICE agent isekai from the timeline where it's part of the green new deal
extremely flustered missile sub captain getting The Order but he can't find where he put the "Denmark" code card he'd been using as a coaster
January 15, 2026 at 3:32 AM
extremely flustered missile sub captain getting The Order but he can't find where he put the "Denmark" code card he'd been using as a coaster